Thursday, February 14, 2013

The "Bi" is for "Bisexual" (and btw Happy Valentine's Day)

So, my attempt to give away copies of "Out of the Cold" free at All Romance flopped, because they're having a 50% off sale today (Feb 14, 2013).  Out of the Cold will be free for you tomorrow.  Sorry for the delay!

If you want to pick up some of my books at 50% off, here's me at ARe:

One book you won't find there is GOOD BI VALENTINE. All Romance banned it. Too hot for television ARe!

This is a story for all those readers who are saying (right now) "Oh GAWD, not another dumbass Valentine's story!" Believe it or not, Good Bi Valentine is NOT a romance. Nope. It's not. (It's not a break-up story either. The "Bi" is for bisexual)  It's a satirical little sex romp, gently and self-reflexively spoofing corny porny 1980's "I'm here to fix your plumbing" videos. 

That said... it's got some sweetness to it as well.

Good Bi Valentine

By: Giselle Renarde
Published By: Excessica Publishing

Spend Valentine's Day with Lexi the Sexi Superintendent and her apartment building full of very naughty tenants.

Lexi the Sexi building superintendent (okay, assistant super) thinks she's taking Valentine's Day by storm. She doesn't do "romance" or "relationships." Casual sex with attractive tenants is more her style. After an exhausting porn-watching session with a cute guy in the building, the beautiful Mrs Suraj won't release her until those rusty pipes are fixed. The sexy super comes home to a pussycat pair of college friends desperate for someone to help them out with their Valentine gift to each other: homemade porn!

WARNINGS: This title contains m/f and f/f sex, mild BDSM, and graphic descriptions of cheesy 1980’s porn, including but not limited to fluorescent and animal print bikinis. Originally published as ‘All in a Valentine Day’s Work.’

Elio asked, “Would you videotape us?”

I nearly did an orange juice spit-take. “Videotape you? Doing what?”

This was such a sweet, shy couple. They couldn’t possibly be asking what I thought they were asking.

Natalie lifted a camcorder out of the mauve and dark purple backpack she’d brought into my apartment. “We tried to do it ourselves, but we ended up filming the wall and then the ceiling, and then the third time the whole thing was just a blurry shot of Elio’s butt. We can’t seem to get it right on our own. We just need someone to hold the camera and keep it on us.”

“And maybe get some close-up shots?” Elio added.

“You mean you want me to film you having sex?” I tried very hard to make it sound like I was only clarifying, not to criticizing.

The pair giggled and nodded in unison. Do they do everything in unison?

Kind of crazy that they’d ask some random person, but I liked the idea of spying on this pair through a camera lens. At the same time, I was about to drop dead from hunger and exhaustion. All I really wanted to do was fall into bed and crash.

“This is our Valentine’s Day gift to each other,” Natalie explained. “We’re making our own porn. That way neither of us has to feel like we’re being unfaithful if we watch it. Good idea, right?”

“But you don’t know me,” I found myself objecting. “Wouldn’t you be more comfortable doing this with a friend, or at least somebody you’ve met more than once?”

“No,” they replied in unison.

Natalie continued, “That’s exactly why we’re asking you. We couldn’t have sex in front of someone we knew, but we don’t know you so we wouldn’t mind. Plus, we know how open-minded you are, so you wouldn’t laugh at us.”

Elio chimed in, “And you wouldn’t get turned on because you’re....”

Natalie stomped on Elio’s foot to keep him from saying anything too stupid.

“A lesbian?” I asked flatly.

Why did everybody think that? Was it my clothes, my hair, or my toolbox?


Get GOOD BI VALENTINE now! It's available from such e-tailers as:

Also available from Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
Giselle Renarde
Canada just got hotter!
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