Happy New Year! Here's the Music that Saved Me in 2017

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the comedy that helped me cope with depression this year. But if comedy helps me cope in times of numbness, music has saved me in times of torment.  I don't know how I would survive without music.  It speaks to my soul like no other art form.

I hear readers saying that a book has saved their life. That's never been my experience with books, although it is fulfilling to hear, as a writer. But music? Music has saved me again and again and again and again.

So I thought I'd share with you my favourite three albums that came out in 2017.

1. Fool's Paradise, Cold Specks

I'm not generally the kind of person who marks an album's release date on the calendar, but that's exactly what I did when I heard Cold Specks was coming out with new music in 2017.  I was particularly excited when I heard she'd be showcasing her Somali-Canadian heritage. The day this album dropped, I signed into my Hoopla account to listen (thank you, Toronto Public Library!), and I wasn't disappointed.

This is music to sit with.  It gets inside you. Ladan Hussein's voice is rich and mournful. Her music is glorious.

2. Masseduction, St. Vincent

Oh, I'm a sucker for St. Vincent. Annie Clark is one of those artists you love for the music, and then you see her in concert and love her for the experience.  Some of her songs are great when you hear them digitally, but then you witness an extended version live and that same song just blows you away.

Okay, so I haven't heard any of the songs from her new album LIVE, but fingers crossed I'll get that chance.

I was actually sitting in a Toronto Public Library location the first time I listened to Masseduction (which, in my head, I still call Mass Education), and I remember my initial thought was: I'm not too sure about this. heh. But I listened to it again. And again. And again. And then I couldn't stop. It had become a compulsion.

3. Belong, San Fermin

I'll be totally honest with you: when I first came up with the idea of writing a blog post about my three favourite albums of 2017, I only had two in mind and this wasn't one of them. But it belongs here (haha puns) because it's phenomenal. It's just that, when I had the idea to write this post, I hadn't listened to it yet.

Before The Signal went off the air, they played the opening track Open (I'm not even trying with the puns anymore, they're just happening), and it blew me away. I kept thinking, "Gee, I really should look into this San Fermin organization," but until I needed a third for this list... I never did.

Long story short, I spent an entire evening listening to Open in my kitchen, in a trance, holding my headphones and asking, "What does it mean? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN???" while simultaneously being very glad I live alone. Oh, hey, and try listening to the track called No Promises without flashing back to Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl!


If music means as much to you as it does to me, I hope you found the sound that speaks to you this year. Here's hoping we'll all find more music to love in the year ahead.
Hugs,
Giselle

Free, Instant Shipping on Last-Minute Christmas Gifts

I just had a genius idea for everyone who leaves gift-buying to the last second. Like maybe it's 7AM Christmas morning and you suddenly realize DAMN IT JANET, I didn't get a gift for my sister/daughter/husband/grandma/whoever! What do I do?

You buy an ebook as a gift!

Isn't that a great idea? Yeah, I know it is!  It's such a great idea I can't even believe I came up with it!

How do you give an ebook as a gift?

Certain retailers, like Amazon and Smashwords, give you this option.  Just go to an ebook's page, look where the price is, and then scroll down until you see the button that says "Give as a Gift." Voila! It'll be delivered like magic. Instant gift!

What ebook should you give?  Well, that's entirely up to you, my friend.  Depends on what the recipient likes to read.

Here are a few ideas based on cursory perusal of Amazon. I haven't read any of these books, but now I definitely want to!

And, hey, if you want to give someone one of my books, you should definitely do that!  Here's the newest, most expensive book I've published, which can be given as a gift via Smashwords. It's 6 novels in one book!

So there you go! All your problems are solved. You're welcome.

One Giant Book of Erotic Fiction

Here's a little something for your bookshelf (and by little, I mean gigantic): Erotic Fiction, Selected Novels by Giselle Renarde. Six novels, to be exact.

This book is so huge I had to reformat the paperback version because my first crack at it was too big for CreateSpace. Apparently they have a limit of something like 820 pages? I've never put together a book anywhere near that long. Anyway, I had to go back and format it with a larger trim size to reduce the number of pages, since I didn't want to decrease the typeface. Luckily, I love formatting print books.

Long story short, the paperback's about 780 pages. Enjoy!

I got the idea to create this book because I've got a collection on my shelf called Selected Works of Virginia Woolf. It's quite large. I don't think I've ever opened it, but sometimes that's not the point of a big book. Sometimes you just like having it there on the shelf.

Or you could read it. The choice is yours.

Escape into a realm of pure sensuality with SIX full-length erotic novels from award-winning queer Canadian author Giselle Renarde. Included in this massive collection are the books Anonymous, The Other Side of Ruth, In Shadow, Seven Kisses, The Red Satin Collection, and A Man Needs A Maid.

Six piquant tales of longing, lust, and fearless love await you. From polyamorous partners to lesbian affairs, from psychological drama to dark desires, from love triangles to blissful romance, you’ll find it all in Erotic Fiction!

If you are so inclined, buy my giant book of books from Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1981563636?tag=dondes-20

You can purchase my gigantic book as an ebook too, if that's your thing. I think the ebook version is like 1,700 pages so happy reading.

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/766743?ref=GiselleRenardeErotica
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=PGxCDwAAQBAJ
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/erotic-fiction-selected-novels-by-giselle-renarde
Excitica: https://www.excitica.com/index.php/erotic-fiction-selected-novels-by-giselle-renarde.html#


I'm not the best planner these days, so I uploaded the ebook at exactly the wrong time. Distributors are really slow around the holidays, so this ebook will be available from more retailers in the future.

How I Survived This Horrible Year

2017 has been terrible. Worst depression year I've had in almost 20 years. Anxiety on top of that.

I've got a lot to be grateful for. Aside from tax headaches, the horribleness of this year hasn't been personal. Nobody's died. I haven't been evicted. My girlfriend's still dear to my heart.

But sometimes things can be going right and you still can't cope. Mental illness is funny like that. This world is a hard place to live in.

So how do I cope?

Comedy.

Doesn't work for everybody, but it does work for me.  My girlfriend says that when she's having a bad depression day, comedy is the last thing she wants to consume. It feels too trivial to her.  But I want the trivial.  I don't want to think about all the bad stuff in the world, all the hatred and the fear.  I want to laugh. I just want to laugh.

The top three things that kept me going throughout this horrible, terrible year are:

1. Mystery Science Theater 3000

I have my girlfriend to thank for this discovery. MST3K was barely on my radar when she introduced me to it. But as soon as I started watching old episodes, I was hooked.

In case you're not familiar, it's a show from the 90s (recently revived by Netflix) set in the not-too-distant future. A guy and his robot pals make fun of the best of the worst B movies and sci-fi flicks. It's deliriously hilarious.

Bad movies, clever remarks and robot friends--what's not to love?

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is the funniest goddamn thing I've seen... possibly ever.

 

2. Four Finger Discount

My sister turned me on to this wonderful Simpsons podcast. Being a huge fan of Golden Era Simpsons, I've really enjoyed reliving old episodes with two funny Australian boys.  Most of the people I spend time with are considerably older than I am, so it's great to vampire off their 20-something energy.

In every episode, Dando and Mitch review a different Simpsons episode. It goes in chronological order. New episodes are posted once a week.  They started with Season 1 and they're up to Season 6. That's commitment!

Four Finger Discount is my new favourite thing to listen to while washing dishes.

3. Frasier

I love Frasier so much that when I had a particularly good sales quarter a couple years ago, I bought the entire series on DVD. Every night, I go to bed with Frasier. I put it on and let it lull me into sleep. It helps my brain power down.

I'm not sure how many times I've watched the series in its entirety, but I'm not tired of it yet.

So I want to send my gratitude out into the universe, or at least into the internet. Thank you to everyone helped to create the media that soothes my mentally ill mind. Maybe you didn't know it when you were making robots or recording podcasts in your living room, but you've helped someone this year.

You've really helped me.

The Very Surprising (some would say SHOCKING) November Bestsellers

We're talking Giselle Renarde paperbacks today, here at Donuts and Desires. And when I think PAPERBACKS, I think: remember everybody speculating a few years ago why ebooks were such hot sellers? Remember the theory that ebooks sold well because women could secretly squirrel erotica away on their e-readers so nobody would know they were reading dirty, dirty smut?

Oh, the fun of it all!

Well, I'd say the November print bestsellers poke a little hole in that theory, because we're talking dirty filthy smut people aren't afraid to be SEEN reading.  Unless they rip the covers off.  But why would you do that when they're sooo good-looking?

Tell us more about these saucy bestsellers, Giselle!

Okay, I will!

First up is a paperback for readers who adore anal erotica:

1. Butt Stuff

Adultery is a big-time no-no in the romance world, but this is EROTICA, baby: 

2. Giselle's Best Adultery Erotica

I've saved the best for last. I can only hope the people who purchase this next gem are reading it on city buses as we speak:

3. Lesbians Lick Butt

Thanks to all the books that played this month. There can only be so many bestsellers. But there's always room for honourable mentions, so big ups go out to:

Erotic Older Women
Taboo Hotel Sex Stories
Wedding Heat: Skinny Dipping

I couldn't be more proud. Fly, little paperbacks! Fly like the wind!

All the Way: A #Christmas #Menage #Erotic #Romance in Paperback and Large Print

Looking for a multicultural menage erotic romance for the holidays? ALL THE WAY has been around for a while now, but ebook only. I'm happy to tell you that's no longer the case. You can now buy ALL THE WAY as a standard paperback or in large print!

When Josie invites her high school boyfriend Kaz to stay with her family over the holidays, there are a few things she doesn't anticipate: Kaz admitting he's still a virgin after all these years? That's a weird surprise. Her husband Rob's attempt to give Kaz a little training in the hot tub? A weird and very sexy surprise. But after the married couple treats him to some of the best nights of his life, who will Kaz fall for?

A spicy menage romance from award-winning author Giselle Renarde.

Standard Paperback Edition: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1981291229?tag=dondes-20
Large Print Edition (16pt Calibri): https://www.amazon.com/dp/1981291423?tag=dondes-20

Marilyn in the Middle #Lesbian #Erotic #Romance #Audiobook

Best friends make the best girlfriends....

Jasmine's in love with her best friend Innes, but Innes is obsessed with Marilyn Monroe! Innes has even decided to dye her hair platinum blonde so she'll look more like the object of her affection. When Innes asks Jasmine to do the honors, of course she agrees. She's tired of playing second fiddle to a movie star, but maybe the intimacy of the act will give her the courage to tell her best friend how she really feels.

If this goes badly, Jasmine will lose not only the woman she loves, but her closest friend. But if Innes feels the same way, it could spell Happily Ever After for two best friends.

A steamy lesbian romance short from award-winning author Giselle Renarde.

Get your copy of the MARILYN IN THE MIDDLE audiobooks from:

Nook Audiobooks: https://www.nookaudiobooks.com/audiobook/204717/marilyn-in-the-middle
Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/Romance/Marilyn-in-the-Middle-Audiobook/B077MTGV62
TuneIn: https://tunein.com/radio/Marilyn-in-the-Middle-p1065155/
eStories: https://www.estories.com/audiobook/190720/Giselle-Renarde/Marilyn-in-the-Middle

Coming soon to many more audiobook retailers!

#Audio #Erotica this December at http://Patreon.com/AudioErotica

Before we get to the schedule for December, I've got BIG NEWS!

There's a NEW $1 TIER at my Patreon page. If you can support me for $1/month, please do! You get to listen to a new audio erotica story the first Friday of every month. (If you want weekly audio erotica, that's still available for $4+/month, and I invite everyone to sign up today!)

Coming up in December:

December 1, 2017: COMING CLEAN (lesbian BDSM)
December 8, 2017: NAILED (more lesbian BDSM)
December 15, 2017: BAD BAD NAUGHTY BAD SANTA (lesbian spanking)
December 22, 2017: WHAT'S THAT UNDER THE MISTLETOE? (married-people Christmas fun)
December 29, 2017: DRY RUB (Femdom bondage erotica)

Audio Erotica is for patrons only, so join up today!

http://Patreon.com/AudioErotica

NEW SMUT! Trying on My Roommate’s Panties: First Time #Lesbian #Erotica

I've got a sweet Friday treat for ya!

Nicky grew up in a town so small everybody bought their underwear at the gas station. After moving to the big city, she discovered the joys of boutique shopping—vicariously, through her stylish roommate, Trisha. But what happens when Trisha catches Nicky trying on her fancy lace panties?

This story's been sitting on my hard drive for far too long, doing nothing for no one. So last night I thought: "Enough! It's time to push you out of the nest. Fly, little smut story, fly!"

TRYING ON MY ROOMMATE'S PANTIES is a lesbian sex story featuring ripped lace, multiple vibrators, pussy licking, anal action, and more. All packed into a tight little country mouse/city mouse tale.

Best part? It's only $0.99 right now (regardless of market), or free if you're a Kindle Unlimited subscriber. That won't last forever, so read it now, Now, NOW!

Exclusively at Amazon for the moment:
US https://www.amazon.com/dp/B077VPSDCZ?tag=dondes-20
UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B077VPSDCZ
CA https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B077VPSDCZ
AU https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B077VPSDCZ

Enjoy! Happy weekend! Love you!
Giselle

How to Fail Miserably at Being Queer

Okay, let’s be clear about something: there’s no right or wrong way to be queer. But if you’re anything like award-winning queer Canadian author Giselle Renarde, you’ve got insecurities up the wazoo. Even when you’re proud of your sexuality, gender identity and presentation, it seems like there’s always a voice out there (or even one in your head) saying you’re not doing queerness right.

Giselle Renarde is a writer who’s been failing at everything since 2006. Her erotica and queer fiction have appeared in nearly 200 short story anthologies and published by two of the Big Five publishing houses, but don’t let that fool you. Giselle is a writer who knows how to fail—consistently and thoroughly!

At some point or another, we all feel like we’re failing. Maybe if we can feel united by our insecurities, there’s hope of moving past them!

How to Fail Miserably at Being Queer is FREE this week at...
KOBO https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/how-to-fail-miserably-at-being-queer
SMASHWORDS https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/758511
BN https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/how-to-fail-miserably-at-being-queer-giselle-renarde/1127448272?ean=2940154622209
...and many more ebook retailers!

Sitting for Cynthia #Lesbian #Erotica Now Available as an #Audiobook!

When Cynthia comes home from a bad date, she's frustrated in more ways than one. She knows she's got a rockin' bod, so how come the fish aren't biting? Her lesbian sitter knows the answer.

Lin might be a much younger woman, but she's known Cynthia for years. Maybe what this hot cougar needs is a pretty little kitten to show her how it's done....

Lesbian erotica from award-winning queer Canadian author Giselle Renarde.

Find the SITTING FOR CYNTHIA audiobook at:
Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Sitting-for-Cynthia/dp/B077K6G7BL?tag=dondes-20
Audible https://www.audible.com/pd/Erotica-Sexuality/Sitting-for-Cynthia-Audiobook/B077K4XQCV?ref=dondes-20
Scribd https://www.scribd.com/audiobook/364168805/Sitting-for-Cynthia-Lesbian-Erotica
TuneIn https://tunein.com/radio/Sitting-for-Cynthia-p1060831/
eStories https://www.estories.com/audiobook/188036/Giselle-Renarde/Sitting-for-Cynthia

And, of course, if you love audio erotica, you'll definitely want to become my patron at http://Patreon.com/AudioErotica

#Audio #Erotica this November at http://Patreon.com/AudioErotica

If you're a fan of audio erotica, you'll want to get on over to my Patreon page. Join up for weekly erotica stories in audio form. A new one every Friday!

Okay, so it's the middle of the month. A bit late to let you know what to expect this November at my Audio Erotica Patreon page... but better late than never?

November 3rd 2017: THE PSYCHIC HAREM (lesbian group sex in the not-too-distant future)
November 10th 2017: CRUSH (panties, heels, femdom BDSM)
November 17th 2017: SPARROW TAKES FLIGHT (dreamy lesbian sex in the rain)
November 24th 2017: THE GOLDEN RULER (oh god so good... bondage, BDSM, human furniture)

Audio Erotica is for patrons only, but good news!  You can get your fill of weekly Giselle Renarde audio erotica for as little as $4/month (that's only $1 per story!)

http://Patreon.com/AudioErotica

NEW! The #Depression Workbook for #Writers

I've been meaning to upload The Depression Workbook for Writers for more than a year, and posting the audio version to YouTube has sparked me to get off my ass and do it.

The Depression Workbook for Writers is different from The Depression Handbook for Writers in just one (very useful) way: this new Workbook edition contains lined spaces following pretty much every chapter where you can take notes related to the topic of that particular segment.

If you're anything like me, you forget every thought you've ever had three seconds after thinking it. If I don't write down an idea, it's GONE. Depression doesn't make my brain any sharper, that's for sure.

This Workbook is actually really reasonably priced ($7.99 USD at Amazon), so I'm hoping that if you've got your eye on it, you'll be able to afford a copy.

Buy Now from Amazon

If you’re a writer living with depression, you might not know where to turn. There are days when depression devours your words and you find yourself incapable of working. People tell you you’re not alone. So why does it feel like you are?

As an author with chronic depression, Giselle Renarde created this book as a means of reaching out to other writers with hope in hand.

The Depression Handbook for Writers includes:
• specific activities to help you through the dark days,
• practical ideas to help you move forward with your writing business even when you find it impossible to write,
• interviews with other authors experiencing depression,
• all written in a personal, accessible, and heartfelt tone.

The Depression Handbook for Writers was written for you, with love, care, and encouragement.
New WORKBOOK edition includes thought-provoking questions and space to brainstorm your own ideas!
Purchase your copy today.

Where Can I Find #Audiobooks?

Where, you ask?

I'll tell you where!

My girlfriend has been listening to audiobooks for years, and ever since she was diagnosed with a degenerative eye disease audiobooks have become even more important to her. The first thing she discovered about audiobooks is they're expensive! She's accumulated quite a number over the years, but for the most part she gets audiobooks from the local library.

Sweet listens to audiobooks on CDs, and this means she's pretty much limited to traditionally published titles. That's fine for her because that's what she reads, but what about you?  What if you want to listen digitally to independently published audiobooks? Or ANY audiobooks your library doesn't currently stock? You can ALWAYS ask you library system to order the title. It never hurts to ask. When Janet Mock's book Redefining Realness came out in audiobook format, Sweet and I both asked our respective library systems to acquire it. And you know what?  They both did!

Okay, so what happens if you just want your audiobook now?  Well, looks like you're going to have to buy yourself a copy OR join a subscription service like the ones offered by Audible and Kobo and Playster.

What's a Subscription Service?

In exchange for a flat monthly fee, you receive a credit or credits to redeem on an audiobook. This type service is available from Audible and Kobo, among others.

Thing is, most avid readers want to binge on books, and audio listeners are no exception. Once you've eaten through your one credit, what then?

NEW Audible Romance Package

I just heard about this program yesterday, so I'm no expert but it sounds really exciting for romance readers. For one monthly fee, you can listen to unlimited romance titles. Romance readers are reputedly the most voracious readers on the planet. I guess Audible is listening to reader demands.

Click here to find out more about the NEW Audible Romance Package

Where Can I Buy Your Audiobooks, Giselle?

There are lots of sites where you can buy audiobooks by me. I'm a trained actor and I love narrating my own books, so you can expect to see more and more all the time from the usual suspects: Amazon, Audible, and iTunes.

But Wait! There's More!

That's right--there are more websites than just those three where you can find audiobooks online.

You can also find my audiobooks at:
Scribd, TuneIn, eStories, Playster, Audiobooks.com, Downpour, Libro.fm, Nook Audiobooks and many more. 

If you're big on audiobooks and you love erotica, I hope you'll check out my work, whether it's through a subscription service, as a purchase, or upon request from your local library.

But the best deal on Giselle Renarde audio erotica is still through my Patreon page, which is its own little subscription service. For one flat monthly fee (which helps me produce more of what you love), you get to listen to an audio erotica short every Friday. Join now!

New #Audiobook: Sexy, Seductive and Supernatural: 3 #Paranormal #Erotic Stories

Enjoy a spooky sample from the story "Mourner for Hire," which appears in the audiobook "Sexy, Seductive and Supernatural: 3 Paranormal Erotic Stories" by Giselle Renarde.

There's nothing more seductive than a sizzling story of sex and the supernatural. In this collection, you'll find three thrilling and chilling tales of the paranormal. In "Mourner for Hire", a ghostly presence follows Dahlia home from the graveyard. A group of sensitives provides sexual healing after Dianne's rough breakup in "The Psychic Harem". Our final tale, "Simple", is anything but: Shelly lets herself believe her husband is an international superspy, but strange dreams reveal the sinister truth!

Go ahead. Stay up late tonight with three haunting stories of sex, seduction, and the supernatural.


Buy your copy from Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/Erotica-Sexuality/Sexy-Seductive-and-Supernatural-3-Paranormal-Erotic-Stories-Audiobook/B076ZYNXYM/ref=dondes-20

Coming soon to more retailers!

As always, if you enjoy audio erotica, you should definitely join me on Patreon. For as little as $4/month you get to listen to a new erotic short every Friday. What a deal! http://Patreon.com/AudioErotica

 

The Depression Handbook for Writers #FREE #Audiobook

A few years ago I wrote The Depression Handbook for Writers to help authors like me, authors living with depression. The ebook version is still free to download from numerous retailers, so when I started recording the audio version I thought: why not provide it free of charge too?

In order to give my depression book to listeners for free, I'm posting it chapter by chapter on YouTube. The direct link to the playlist is here https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLBo2GKvlzg5KJqjgoK1PFx3chg0XZKyi3 and each segment is only a couple minutes long. They won't take up too much of your time.

Hopefully the things that help me live and work with depression will help you too!

And be sure to subscribe to my YouTube Channel while you're at it: https://www.youtube.com/user/gisellerenarde

Thanks! Love you!

The Other Side of Ruth: A #Lesbian #Audiobook

My lesbian novel The Other Side of Ruth is now available as an audiobook. The narrator is me, because I love the sound of my own voice. Hope you do too, because we've got six and a half hours of audio, here. Spend the day with Ruth!

Ruth loves her husband, but she keeps secrets from him. Big secrets.

When a notoriously lesbian neighbor returns home to Toronto from Art School in Montreal, Ruth finds herself unmistakably attracted. Agnes is quirky, creative, and significantly younger. Despite their age difference, Agnes welcomes Ruth's attention.

But Agnes has secrets of her own. She plays hide-and-seek on Ruth, disappearing for months at a time. Where does she go? And what emotions are brewing between Ruth's husband and his closest friend? Everyone on the block seems to be hiding something, and Ruth isn't sure how long she can conceal her true self from the neighbors.

After 25 years married to a man, can Ruth find a place in her life for ambiguous, artsy Agnes? Or will the younger woman's demons devour them both?

A lesbian novel by award-winning queer Canadian author Giselle Renarde.

Buy it now from Audible (or use your credit, however that works, I don't know) https://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/The-Other-Side-of-Ruth-Audiobook/B076ZV1FXY/ref=dondes-20

Coming soon to more retailers.

How to Fail Miserably at Love

I fail a lot. Last night I had donuts for dinner--but that was Sweet's idea, so maybe that's less a fail and more the universe telling me I fell in love with the right person.

But I've failed in other ways, too.

How to Fail Miserably at Love was released a week ago and it's taken me until now to tell you about it. That's a fail.

And when I was collecting links just now, I realized there's a typo in the section of the book blurb that appears across this series. Same typo in 5 book blurbs. That's a big fail. But failier still is the fact that I saw that typo and my first through was... yeah, I'm way too lazy to go back and fix that.

Huge fail.

The only thing potentially un-faily about my message to you is that How to Fail Miserably at Love is currently FREE, so you can run out and buy it without spending any money. Wa-hey!

Don’t let your love life get you down. We can all fail at relationships together!

In this scandalous assortment of anecdotes from the writers’ blog Oh Get a Grip, Giselle confesses her many sins in the relationship department. From being an inconsiderate partner to throwing up at a fancy hotel during an anniversary getaway to flat-out adultery, Giselle’s been bad in more ways than one.

Get it while it's free!
Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Fail-Miserably-Love-Everything-Wrong-ebook/dp/B076Y59KDK
Google Play https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Giselle_Renarde_How_to_Fail_Miserably_at_Love?id=xrY7DwAAQBAJ
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/how-to-fail-miserably-at-love

Blowing Smoke #Lesbian #Erotica #Audiobook

Want lesbians licking ass in your ears?

I know you do. Don't deny it.

Friends, porny people, audio pervs--lend me your ears! My first audio erotica short has finally gone live at actual retailers where normal people and freaks alike can purchase it for money! I am very excited about this because it's taken me forever to maneuver my way through the minefield that is ACX's review process.

What a relief.

Now it's time to sell this mofo!

Shouldn't be hard, because judging by the number of people who find my blog by searching "lesbian ass-licking", girl-on-girl anilingus is the new missionary. Everybody's doing it. The girls in BLOWING SMOKE sure as hell are. Not just that, but they're playing with smoke too. It's a heady combination. Maybe that's a pun. You be the judge.

Listen to BLOWING SMOKE today! It's hot lesbian rimming erotica! What's not to love?

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Blowing-Smoke-Lesbian-Fetish-Erotica/dp/B076XNM51B?tag=dondes-20
Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/Erotica-Sexuality/Blowing-Smoke-Lesbian-Fetish-Erotica-Audiobook/B076XL8GXT/ref=dondes-20

Coming soon to more audiobook retailers!

And if you like audio erotica, remember my Patreon offers weekly erotic stories for your listening pleasure. I would be truly honoured if you elected to join me. And when I get to $108/month in support, I'll post BLOWING SMOKE as a special treat! http://patreon.com/audioerotica

#Paranormal #Erotica Now in Print!

Turns out when I released my Paranormal Erotica Box Set in 2014, I never created a paperback version to go along with it. Well, that's been remedied. You can now buy the print version from Amazon, and it'll soon be available at other book retailers too.

Paranormal Erotica
Vampires, Shifters, and Fairy Tales for Adults
by Giselle Renarde

Take an anthology of paranormal erotic romance BDSM stories, add a collection brimming with lesbian vampires and shapeshifters, top it off with a secret solstice sacrifice, and what have you got?

The Paranormal Erotica Box Set!

From the bisexual vampire hairdressers of Blood Addict to the blood-thirsty lesbians of Girls Gone Carnal, there's a story to suit every taste in this 65,000+ word compilation of 18 sexy stories. Got a taste for threesomes? Gothic horror? Bondage? Gender transformation? Succubi? Fairies and legends? You'll find it all, and so much more, in this great new collection!

Get it! https://www.amazon.com/dp/1978459076?tag=dondes-20

How to Fail Miserably at Dirty Words and Family (but not at the same time)

Here's a tidbit from the pile of things I forgot about:

My latest "How to Fail" books are available, and they're free. So you should grab them both. Now!

This series is technically called "Everything I've Done Wrong" and it consists of short ebooks full of essays originally written for the Oh Get a Grip! erotica writers' blog. Each book has a different theme.

How to Fail Miserably at Dirty Words is about writing erotica, taboo smut, and other sex stuff.

You can get it from stores like Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/750768
and
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/how-to-fail-miserably-at-dirty-words

Enjoy!

How to Fail Miserably at Family features a lot of essays about my family of origin, being an adult child of an alcoholic, intergenerational stuff, cycle of violence... it's a little heavy, but it's not exclusively heavy.

If you're the least bit interested in my experiences or you just like reading about other people's crappy childhoods (hey, you're not the only one), this is the Fail book for you.

It's available for free from places like Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Giselle_Renarde_How_to_Fail_Miserably_at_Family?id=V885DwAAQBAJ and
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B076F4MJJ1

My Fail books are free for the first two weeks following publication, so don't delay. Grab your copy today! (I rhymed.)

Friends Become Lovers in this #FREE #Lesbian #Erotic #Romance

I couldn’t help but stare. There was just so much to look at.

Innes caught me, of course, and said, “She’s gorgeous, don’t you think?” Following my gaze to the huge cluster of Marilyn Monroe prints hanging over her TV, she went on to say, “If you ask me, she’s the most desirable woman there ever was.”

“Can’t argue with that,” I replied, even though I surely could have.

I could have said, “I know one woman who’s ten times more beautiful than Marilyn Monroe.”

Innes would have looked at me funny and hesitated before asking, “Who?”

Then I’d move in so close she would flinch. I’d wrap my arms around her curvy middle and say, “You, Innes. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on.”

I would kiss her, then—our first kiss, at long last! Whether she'd kiss me back or pull away I really wasn't sure. That's what had held me back all these years. To me, a kiss was a point of no return. From there, either a relationship began or a friendship ended.

If I were to kiss Innes, everything would change. For better or for worse...

*****

A couple weeks ago I uploaded my lesbian erotic romance short "Marilyn in the Middle" to Amazon, told you about it, and assured you it would soon be available from other retailers. Welp, I forgot all about it after that. No, that's not true. I could have sworn I'd uploaded it. But no. I hadn't.

By way of apology for the oversight, I've made "Marilyn in the Middle" FREE at those forgotten retailers. Not forever. One week only, so download your free copy today from...

Kobo, Smashwords, Excitica or Barnes and Noble

Audio #Erotica from My Mouth to Your Ears

I have a bad habit of being overly transparent about everything.

And I have no plans to break that habit today.

Lately, I've been feeling really isolated. I spend less time online than I used to because I can't handle the news. It's overwhelming and it gives me anxiety and nightmares.

But the flip side of not being online as much is that I haven't been maintaining those human connections you get from chatting with your friends on Twitter and all that. I've always been extremely wary of strangers, so I shy away from interacting with anyone I don't know because I get really scared and intimidated.

Sometimes I spend hours on the phone with my sister. I'm amazed she has time to chat with me. She's got such a busy life. But, knowing I'm a big Simpsons fan, she recommended to me a podcast called Four Finger Discount. I came for The Simpsons, but I stayed for the friendly, funny Australian voices in my ears. When I listen in on their conversations, I feel less alone.

Last November (yes, almost a year ago), I bought a new microphone with the intention of recording audio versions of my erotica. Distribution was very tricky for Canadians at that point, so I had this idea of creating little podcasts of erotic fiction. I know I'm not the only person on the planet who feels isolated. This is my way of reaching out. It's not interactive, but that doesn't matter. Having someone's voice in your ear is an act of intimacy. It doesn't matter how much space there is between us.

It's taken me this long to get my shit together because what else is new? It always takes me this long to get my shit together. But today I am launching my weekly Audio Erotica broadcast via Patreon. Every Friday I'll post one of the many erotic shorts I've written over the years. The ones I've recorded so far range from 8 to 35 minutes.

Audiobooks are so expensive to buy, but I wanted to give everyone access to affordable audio erotica. That's why you can have access to my weekly Audio Erotica for only $1/week. That's $4 per month. Although, to be totally honest, I hope you'll choose to support me with more money than that!


For $5 per month you also get access to a static gallery of "vintage" Giselle Renarde audio. "Vintage" means it's old. The microphone I used was a piece of crap and the production values are awwwwwful. But when I'm a fan of something, I always want inside access to early stuff. So that's what I'm giving you here.

You can elect to pledge a monthly amount in excess of $5, and I would very much appreciate it (trust me, there's a need over here), but those levels don't include any further extras. It's just a way for you to show your appreciation if you've got a little more money to spare.

I'm really excited about this audio endeavour, but without you I'm just a voice in the void. Lend me your ears, will you? Give my words somewhere pleasant to land.

https://www.patreon.com/audioerotica

Join Now!

Marilyn in the Middle: A Steamy #Lesbian #Romance Short

My rights recently came back to me on a lesbian erotic romance short that originally appeared in an Evernight anthology called Lover Unexpected: Sappho Edition.

It's called Marilyn in the Middle and if you're wondering if the Marilyn being referred to in the title is in fact Marilyn Monroe, why yes. Yes she is.

For this friends-become-lovers story, I took inspiration from a friend I had in high school. She knew she was a lesbian, but she fought her impulses tooth and nail. She was also mildly obsessed with Marilyn Monroe.

I stole the Marilyn Monroe obsession for this story, but my character Innes isn't fighting her sexuality. If she's fighting against anything, it's love. Her best friend is in love with her and she chooses to kind of... not notice. Because if you notice, you have to act, and if you act it could all go wrong. Right?

Marilyn in the Middle
by Giselle Renarde


Best friends make the best girlfriends…

Jasmine’s in love with her best friend Innes, but Innes is obsessed with Marilyn Monroe! Innes has even decided to dye her hair platinum blonde so she’ll look more like the object of her affection. When Innes asks Jasmine to do the honours, of course she agrees. She’s tired of playing second fiddle to a movie star, but maybe the intimacy of the act will give her the courage to tell her best friend how she really feels.

If this goes badly, Jasmine will lose not only the woman she loves, but her closest friend. But if Innes feels the same way, it could spell Happily Ever After for two best friends.

A steamy lesbian romance short from award-winning author Giselle Renarde.

Buy now from Amazon. Coming soon to more retailers!

New Covers for Fail Books

The old covers for my "How to Fail Miserably" series weren't gorgeous. I wanted to imitate the look of business How To books from the 90s... but why imitate looks from the 90s when I can imitate the style of today?

Now even more people will fall into the trap of thinking these are ACTUAL How To books that might possibly help business people in their business endeavours. These books ain't gonna help nobody. That's why they're called "How to Fail Miserably..."

But they'll distract you from life for a while, and possibly put a smile on your face. And the first two are still free, so you've got nothing to lose.

Get your copy now from...
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/745471
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/how-to-fail-miserably-at-writing
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=lXMzDwAAQBAJ

Get your copy now from...
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/747750
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/how-to-fail-miserably-at-marketing
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=xj81DwAAQBAJ

How to Fail Miserably at #Marketing

Last week I told you about a new series I'm releasing every two weeks. If you missed the first installment, it was called How to Fail Miserably at Writing. I know how to fail at EVERYTHING, and I've written extensively about my failures at the Oh Get A Grip! authors' blog.

You can still get How to Fail Miserably at Writing for free, but now you can also get the SECOND book: How to Fail Miserably at Marketing. And guess what? It's free too!

These covers just aren't doing it for me. I'm going to try to set some time aside this weekend to create some better-looking ones. But the contents won't change, so grab your copy now!

Giselle’s done everything wrong so you don’t have to!

Giselle Renarde is an award-winning author who’s been failing at everything since 2006. Her erotica and queer fiction have appeared in nearly 200 short story anthologies and published by two of the Big Five publishing house, but don’t let that fool you. Giselle is a writer who knows how to fail—consistently and thoroughly!

In this collection of short musings from the erotic writers’ blog Oh Get a Grip, Giselle treats readers to a veritable smorgasbord of anecdotes about moving forward in the industry one fail at a time. From writing books no one wants to read to resisting tried-and-true marketing methods, Giselle has done everything wrong.

Don't let the publishing industry get you down. Let’s all join hands and fail together!

Get your copy now from...
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/747750
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/how-to-fail-miserably-at-marketing
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=xj81DwAAQBAJ

How to Fail Miserably at #Writing

Why, you might ask, is Giselle giving away so much for free these days?

There's a very simple answer to that question: I'm now massively rich and I don't need your money. (HA!) That was a joke. I still need your money! I need it now more than ever! GOD, do I need your money!

But the fact remains that I've been giving a lot away. And there is a reason for it. The reason is that... the world sucks. It sucks a lot. It sucks in big and scary ways.

Sometimes, when the world sucks, you have strength to stand up and fight.

And sometimes you don't.

When it all gets to be too much, you might retreat into something that feels comfortable to you. For me, that's comedy. One day I'll tell you how Mystery Science Theater 3000 got me through one of my deepest depressive periods. If you've read my depression handbook (also free), you know one of my favourite feelings is laughing uncontrollably when I'm massively depressed.

But comedy doesn't work for everyone. I was talking to my girlfriend about this the other day. She said that when she's depressed, comedy makes her angry because it seems so trite. We're all different. Some people would rather escape into sex, and that's one of the big reasons I posted my erotic novel CHERRY at Wattpad last month. So you could read it for free if you needed that escape.

The next big thing is this series of ebooks I've assembled out of many years of blog posts at Oh Get a Grip. I believe there will be 8 in total, all on different topics. The first one is called How to Fail Miserably at Writing. They're all going to be "How to Fail Miserably" at something, not so much because they're giving you pointers on failing, but because I fail a lot and it was just a funny, self-deprecating title.

Because these ebooks are comprised of blog posts you can read for free at Oh Get A Grip (if you're willing to wade through 4 or 5 years' worth of posts to find them), I'm bringing each book out at zero dollars.

These collections will hit the skids market every two weeks, and they'll be free for the first two weeks of their existence. I actually uploaded the first one last week but a combination of laziness and perpetual failure has prevented me from blogging about it until now.

I could tell you more about what's inside, but I'm just going to post the book blurb because that pretty much covers it. Be sure to grab a copy while it's free!

How to Fail Miserably at Writing
Everything I’ve Done Wrong
by Giselle Renarde

Giselle’s done everything wrong so you don’t have to!

Giselle Renarde is an award-winning author who’s been failing at everything since 2006. Her erotica and queer fiction have appeared in nearly 200 short story anthologies and published by two of the Big Five publishing house, but don’t let that fool you. Giselle is a writer who knows how to fail—consistently and thoroughly!

In this collection of short musings from the erotic writers’ blog Oh Get a Grip, Giselle treats readers to a veritable smorgasbord of anecdotes about moving forward in the industry one fail at a time.

Have you ever had an editor tell you your entire manuscript needs to be rewritten? Three times? Giselle has. She’s experienced rejection letters, bad reviews, banned books, crappy sales, and painful missteps. If you’ve ever written a book that earned you neither money, fame nor respect, come sit by Giselle. If you have no idea what you’re doing in this business, neither does she!

Let’s all join hands and fail together!

Get your copy today from such ebookstores as:

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/745471
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/how-to-fail-miserably-at-writing
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=lXMzDwAAQBAJ

Happy Failing!

Adultery: The Ultimate #Taboo #Erotica

Giselle’s Best Adultery Erotica
10 Tales of Forbidden Love

Love is complicated. 

Sometimes the most passionate love affairs take place with partners who are strictly forbidden. Infidelity can be driven by mutual attraction, money, desire, want of attention or even sheer hatred. In this collection, read Giselle Renarde’s top ten favourite tales of adultery, hand-picked by the author. Whether the sex is angry or loving, spontaneous or carefully planned, the characters all have one thing in common: they’re sleeping with someone they shouldn’t—and it’s hot as hell!

Buy Now from Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/742052?ref=GiselleRenardeErotica
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074SKFL2S?tag=dondes-20

Table of Contents

If You Know Where To Look
I Did You Wrong
The Falls
Suffer
The Therapist and the Whore
Show No Mercy
Artists’ Wives
The Other Other Woman
Burgundy Ropes and Voltaire
Good Neighbours

That last story, Good Neighbours, has recently been published as Hotwife Prudence and the Neighborhood Gangbang. Exact same story, just with a better more keywordy title for the individual ebook.

I've been writing adultery erotica for more than a decade, and I wanted to give you my best for this collection. There's a pretty broad range of stories, here. We've got characters who are straight, bi, lesbian, trans, gender-questioning. We've got group sex, a threesome, discipline and punishment, rope bondage, sex for money, stranger sex, guilty feelings, and cynical optimism.

Some readers really hate cheating and infidelity in their fiction. I'm not one of them. Quite the opposite, in fact. If you've been following me for a while, you know I was mistress to a married man for ten years of my life. At the start of my erotica career, I used writing to process a lot of those really complicated feelings that go along with being a party to an affair.

I'm pleased to be able to off you this collection of my ten favourite erotic stories involving infidelity. I hope you'll agree that this is, without a doubt, Giselle's Best Adultery Erotica.

Available from numerous retailers, including:
Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/giselles-best-adultery-erotica-giselle-renarde/1126977318?ean=2940154505847
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ebook/giselle-s-best-adultery-erotica-10-tales-of-forbidden-love
Excitica: https://www.excitica.com/index.php/giselle-s-best-adultery-erotica-10-tales-of-forbidden-love.html
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/742052?ref=GiselleRenardeErotica
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074SKFL2S?tag=dondes-20

Three Happy Endings! #MFM #Menage #Anal #Erotica

What did she do to deserve this? She must have horseshoes up her ass, because how many girls had a boyfriend like Brad? A guy who’d learned not only to swallow his jealousy and support her goals, but to embrace the fact that she was attracted to another man. With these two at her sides, what could go wrong?

You'll never guess where Cherry ends up, but I'll tell you this much: she ends up there with Brad and Phil.

CHERRY's final chapter has arrived! Are you sad? I'm a little sad. I kind of don't want it to end. I'd forgotten how much I love my little Cherry.

Read Chapter 12 right now:

https://www.wattpad.com/462086362-cherry-complete-cherry-chapter-12

If you haven't started CHERRY yet, read it from the beginning at Wattpad. Chapter One is right here:

https://www.wattpad.com/456958988-cherry-chapter-one

And if you're looking for more daddy fetish fiction to devour, I highly recommend the taboo fiction of Lexi Wood. She's the sock puppet currently locked inside my night table drawer--just a convenient place to keep her, really. Check out her site: http://dancefordaddy.blogspot.com/