Based on a Former Life: #Writing #AgeGap #DaddyFetish #Erotica

I don't tend to keep on top of things.

That's especially true when it comes to the daily drama of the romance world.

But I happened to notice everybody freaking out about a chart-topper on Amazon. Apparently this book featured father/daughter incest and underage sex. It's since been removed from sale because both of those things go against Amazon's terms of service. This book's also been banned by Smashwords, and Smashwords will sell you books about getting fucked by your mom, a bull, and the family dog. It takes some effort to get your book bounced from their system.

Bottom line is you can't publish books featuring sex with minors. Ever. Anywhere. This is what we've all agreed to as authors.

So that whole thing happened.

But it didn't stop there.

Because after that incident, I started seeing authors hating on other books... books wherein the main characters were not related or underage.  Books about legal adults engaged in consensual sex.

Hoo boy.  Here we go.

Remember 10+ years ago, when authors supported each other?  Helped each other?  I do.  I was blown away by the kindness and generosity other writers showed me when I was started out in this business.

Now what do we get?  Authors tearing each other down.  Authors scratching each other's eyes out.  Petty jealousies that turn into witch hunts.  That's what I've been seeing lately.

After the rapey child molester book was taken off the market, I saw authors calling for other books to be taken down too--pretty much any book featuring an older man and younger woman. Consenting adults with an age gap.  Everything must go.

Look, I'm kind of glad nobody in that romance world really knows or cares I exist (or they've hated me for so long that it's not even fun anymore), because I've written a ridiculous amount of age gap fiction and I'm not going to stop because a bunch of angry authors think it's "disgusting." 

Why do I so often write about older men and younger women?  Because I lived it.  You know this about me. You know I was involved with one of my high school teachers, a much older man, a very married man.  I've told this story so many times you're bored just thinking about it. So am I.

Through fiction writing, I'm able to process my experiences as a teen and young adult.  I'm able to think about that time in my life from every angle.  I'm sure that, in reading my fiction, readers who've shared similar experiences are able to process their shit too. I recently heard someone say there's no "junk food" when it comes to media consumption. Even if you think of some stupid TV show you watch as a guilty pleasure, it changes you.  Everything we consume (books, movies, TV, music) works inside our brains in ways we're not even aware of.

Okay, so one thing that attracted me to the older man I was involved with was that... this might sound a little strange... but he was just so sad.  Like, really really sad. Existential ennui, depression, suicidal thoughts. I was so drawn to that.  I just wanted to make him happy.  I wanted to use my body to make him happy.

I was drawn to other qualities, too.  He seemed so knowledgeable and wise. Nobody in my family had gone past high school, and he had a MASTER'S degree. Like, wow, so educated! *swoon* Smart and sad. Shut up and take my virginity!

Did I think our relationship was fucked up while it was happening? Of course not!  I'd have gone to the ends of the earth to defend the choices we made.  Looking back, do I think it was fucked up?  Hell yes. But does that mean I regret my life choices? No, not at all. And does that mean I shouldn't fictionalize my personal experiences? No. It's my life. I'm gonna use it in my books.

"Fine, write your life--but depressing litfic only. It shouldn't be presented in a positive light."

Haha. That was the hottest sex of my life. You think I'm not going to present it that way? My libido's waning by the minute and I very often wish there was some way to recapture those delicious years.  I can't recapture them in life.  I can in fiction.

Pretty much everything I write is massively fucked up.  I'd be bored if it wasn't.  If a bunch of other authors hate me because I write taboo erotica or student/teacher sex or adultery or age play, let them hate. I stopped caring a long time ago.

Except I guess I do still get riled up, or why would I be writing these words?

And why would I have decided to post my new adult novella CHERRY for free at Wattpad?

CHERRY is one super-smutty book.

It's about an 18-year-old girl who falls for her father's best friend on vacation. It's pretty much exactly the kind of book a lot of authors seem to want to burn these days. What I keep thinking is: if a book doesn't appeal to you, DON'T READ IT.  It's obviously not for you. It's probably for the person who's been through this--who's going through it now or who went through it when they were younger.  Or maybe it's just for the reader who wants to peep some hot sex between an older man and a young woman. Why so much judgement? Sheesh.

Anyway, today I posted the first chapter from CHERRY at Wattpad so people can read it for free. I'm going to post a new chapter every day until I'm out of chapters. More info here.

People who find this kind of book offensive can skip it. Or hate-read it. I really don't care.  I'm making CHERRY available FOR FREE for the people who want to read it--to process their experiences... or just to get off.

https://www.wattpad.com/456958988-cherry-chapter-one

Congratulations! You've Discovered the Mother's Day Depression Post!

The more I write about grief and depression, the more followers I lose. So why do I do it? Why do something that seems, on the surface, pretty bad for my writing career? Because I'm finally realizing there's truth to that old saying I never used to believe: if your work helps just one person, it's worth doing. Even if fair-weather fans bail, I'm here for YOU, you dear, darling ONE person who needs this post.

Yes, it might be a bummer! Read it if you want, don't if you don't. I'm not forcing anyone. Do what's right for you.

I want to talk about Mother's Day, because it's tomorrow, and it's on my mind.

As you probably know, my grandmother died six months ago. My cousin died just a couple months before her. I think that's all the background you need.

This'll be the first Mother's Day since my grandma's death, and it's hitting me hard. Not just my grandmother's absence (and I do miss her hugely), but the feeling that my family is disintegrating without her. She was the glue. She was the matriarch. Without her, how do we hold together?

For the past ten or twenty years, the whole family's been assembling at my grandmother's house on Mother's Day. It was never a planned event, like Christmas and Grandma's birthday, which were the other two occasions on which you could be sure to see all the aunts, uncles, cousins, babies. Everybody just sort of showed up at Grandma's house because she was the mother of the family. Where else would we spend Mother's Day?

My grandmother never wanted a "final resting place." She didn't believe in that sort of thing. So she doesn't have one. I really wish she did, because I want to visit her, especially on a day like Mother's Day. Although, that's the whole reason she didn't want a gravesite: she wouldn't be there, so why would we waste our time going there to see her?

Why? Because there's nowhere else to go...

I watched this TV show called Seatbelt Psychic, where a ride share driver who is also a medium does readings while he's driving people places. One thing he said was that our dead loved ones are always around us. It really upset me to hear that, because all I could think was: if they're around me, why can't I feel them?

I can never feel them. All I feel is alone.

Perhaps I shouldn't feel alone. I do have family. I have my mother and my siblings. That's who I'll be spending Mother's Day with. And I do feel fortunate, especially as a queer person, to have a solid relationship with my family. I know I'm lucky to have more siblings than a lot of people do, these days. A big family is nice. That's why I want to spend special occasions with my many, many aunts and uncles and cousins and their children.

After the death of my cousin this summer, I found out that he looked forward to our family gatherings as much as I did. They were a high point on his calendar. You make so many assumptions about other people's lives, you know? You assume they've got all this cool stuff going on. I'm sure people think that about me, too, that I've got this cool queer life doing cool queer stuff. The truth is that I look forward to returning library materials. I look forward to chatting with friendly cashiers. I don't have much going on, and depression steals your will to seek out new things to do.

My cousin was depressed. That's something else I didn't know about him. I didn't know that until after he died.

Sweet asked why I don't organize a big family event for Mother's Day, if I want one so badly. It's a nice idea, but it would have required more energy than I currently have available. Took me two weeks just to pin down my siblings. Maybe next year I'll be more emotionally stable. Maybe then I'll be able to take initiative. Then again, part of me just wants to be a kid (a 40-year-old kid...) who shows up at the party and doesn't have to do any of the organizing.

I love my family. I don't want us to fall apart. But, my mental health being what it is, I don't know how to keep us together.

In Shadow: The #Audiobook

Is it psychological or paranormal? You be the judge.

My novel IN SHADOW centres around a young woman who really needs to process her emotions. She's buried a lot of really painful stuff so deep down she actively denies its existence. How does her pain manifest itself? In her shadow--a shadow with a mind of its own... one that can detach from her entirely to fuck her up the ass!

Or is it something else entirely? Is it the ghost of someone who hurt her deeply? Is it a force even greater than one individual? How can we ever know for sure?

In Shadow
An Audiobook written and narrated by Giselle Renarde

As far as Clover’s concerned, she’s got two choices: remain an outcast in the small town where she’s lived her whole life, or move clear across the country like her prodigal stepbrother Mason. Clover is forever paying for her father’s sins at home, but the idea of leaving is too daunting to imagine. When Mason comes home for their sister’s wedding, his presence reignites Clover’s past. A dark force follows her everywhere she goes. Even in dreams, there’s no escaping a hungry shadow...

Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/B07Q6ZWDKR/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-147968&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_147968_rh_us
Audiobooks: https://www.audiobooks.com/audiobook/in-shadow/376602
Walmart: https://www.walmart.com/ip/In-Shadow-Audiobook/712061465
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/audiobook/in-shadow-3

...and many other audiobook retailers and streaming systems! Check for In Shadow wherever you listen to audiobooks. Check your local library, too!

When the Student is Ready...

The other day I was listening to a tarot podcast, when the podcaster mentioned she's the type of person who is often accused of reading too much into things. She said she analyzes everyday events as though they were meaningful, because, in her mind, they are meaningful.

I tend to do the same thing. If you were writing a paper about some literary novel, you would read significant insights into the most mundane details. You'd assume the author inserted those details intentionally, to represent a character's state of mind, or to foreshadow upcoming events, or something.

(As an author--at least, as the kind of author I am--I can attest that a huge amount of symbolism makes its way into the text via the subconscious. I'm not generally thinking about what every little thing represents when I'm working on a first draft. In fact, I make an effort not to think too much about what it means while I'm creating.)

The aforementioned podcaster went on to mention that when we hear a saying like "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear," we assume that "teacher" is going to be an actual human being, someone who will flutter into our lives and take on a guru role.

More likely, the teacher will appear in many forms simultaneously. It won't be a person. It'll be many people. It'll be a situation and a book and a TV show. It'll be an interaction with a cashier, with a co-worker, with someone you meet by chance. You don't have to wait for the Wise Woman to show up and guide you.  You are constantly being guided.  You just have to pay attention.

Last night I attended an event where a young man read a short piece of writing composed by his late grandfather.  This piece was beautifully written. I couldn't possibly do it justice here, but I want you to know we're talking about some fine-ass prose.

He wrote about a train journey. When it begins, you're entertained enough by the views, by the people around you, by the simple fact of being on a train. After a time, you start pacing the aisles, wondering how far you are from the station. When you get to the station, that's when the good times really begin. That's when you'll have arrived.

The truth, he writes, is that there is no station. It is an illusion.

This message has been coming at me, lately, from multiple sources. It just so happens that I LOVE trains (my maternal grandfather worked on the railroad), so this incarnation of the message struck me hardest.

I've been living a life without goals for a long time, now, and it's felt very empty. Now that I finally have a goal in sight--and a big one, at that--I'm super-focused on achieving that one thing that'll bring me happiness at long last. Meanwhile, as I wait for that goal, I find myself feeling antsy, wanting to get there faster, wanting to be there NOW.

One thing I've learned is that I need the goal in sight. I know what my life looked like when I had nothing to look forward to: empty, desolate, almost uninhabitable.

But the more I get lost in dreams of what life will be like when I reach the station, the less attention I pay to the little wonders along the way.

Without my goal, I'd be lost. Even if it is an illusion, it's a necessary illusion.  Now I need to learn to enjoy the journey. There's no sense feeling miserable along the way.

Giselle's Big Box of #BDSM #Erotica #Audiobook

Giselle's Big Box of BDSM
15 Erotic Stories
by Giselle Renarde
Narrated by Giselle Renarde

Fifteen erotic tales of discipline, domination, spanking, submission, Alphas, Femdom, bondage and more by award-winning author Giselle Renarde. Giselle’s erotic fiction has appeared in over 100 anthologies, including prestigious collections like Best Bondage Erotica, Under Her Thumb, Serving Him & The Big Book of Bondage. Enjoy some of Giselle’s best BDSM erotica together in one collection!

Find your copy of the audiobook at iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/audiobook/id1451355113
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/audiobooks/details?id=AQAAAEDMQAwA0M
Audible US: https://www.audible.com/pd/B07NLK4RZQ/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-142561&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_142561_rh_us
Audible UK: https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/B07NLKHBYS/?source_code=AUKFrDlWS02231890H6-BK-ACX0-142561&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_142561_rh_uk
Nook: https://www.nookaudiobooks.com/audiobook/1001829/giselles-big-box-of-bdsm
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/audiobook/giselle-s-big-box-of-bdsm-1
Audiobooks.com: https://www.audiobooks.com/audiobook/giselles-big-box-of-bdsm-15-erotic-stories/369864
Scribd: https://www.scribd.com/audiobook/398684874/Giselle-s-Big-Box-of-BDSM-15-Erotic-Stories

If you can't get enough audio erotica, become my patron for erotic stories every Friday, written and narrated by me!

How To Get Out of Bed in the Morning

As you're probably aware, I am a very depressed person.

Last year, during all those Black Friday sales, I bought myself a tablet. I'm reluctantly dragging myself into the technology of today, I suppose.  Anyway, the only app I've installed so far is a mood tracker. It's been very useful in helping me check in with my emotions, but the reason I mention it is that after the first 14 days it was like "Hey, so... you're experiencing a severe depressive episode and you should contact a doctor and psychotherapist as soon as possible."

Funny, because my reaction was kind of like... you call THIS a severe depressive episode? Hang on to your hat, mood tracker!

Don't be too concerned about me--my mood has lifted significantly since then. And I'm going to tell you about one thing that's helped tremendously.

When I'm super-depressed, getting out of bed is a challenge. Big-time.  I wake up thinking "What's the point?"  And I often can't bring one to mind.

I recently read a book called UNCERTAINTY: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance. There were a few useful insights in there, most notably a description of something called Process Visualization.

With Process Visualization, instead of picturing yourself getting the thing you want (winning a race, landing that promotion, getting a million-dollar windfall), you envision yourself going through the steps it'll take get there toward a goal.

For me, the goal of every day is to get out of bed and do some work (writing during the day, recording audio at night, the business of being an author in between), so I visualize myself starting my day as follows:

I get out of bed, I brew a pot of tea, sit down with a cup and read for a while. After that, I go to my computer and work on my current book. When I've written a chapter, I reward myself by washing dishes (a bubble bath for your hands, as my old Girl Guides leader used to say).

You know what? The simple act of visualizing myself doing those tasks is enough to encourage me out of bed. Once I've pictured myself doing it, I have direction. I can get up because I know what I'm going to do.

If you have trouble getting out of bed, give Process Visualization a try. I hope it works for you as well as it has for me.

#Swinging and #Swapping #Erotica #Audiobook

Swinging and Swapping Erotica

7 Explicit Sex Stories

by Giselle Renarde

Narrated by Giselle Renarde

When one sex partner isn’t enough, it’s time to get swinging and swapping. In these seven stories, husbands share their wives with other men—and other women! Parties liven up when couples get wild. Bisexual roommates try a threesome. Anything can happen, and you’ll be amazed what does in Swinging and Swapping Erotica.

Included in this audiobook are the following short stories written and read by Giselle Renarde: The Couple with the Dragon Tattoo, Rainbow Night, Bisexual Roommate Butt Munch, One Wild Christmas Party, Separation Anxieties, Skyggen, and Wife Sandwich.

Mature Audiences Only.

Get the Swinging and Swapping Erotica audiobook from many online retailers, including iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/audiobook/swinging-and-swapping-erotica-7-explicit-sex-stories/id1449839310?mt=11&ign-mpt=uo%3D4

Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/audiobooks/details/Giselle_Renarde_Swinging_and_Swapping_Erotica?id=AQAAAEBMi0vLFM&hl=en

Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/audiobook/swinging-and-swapping-erotica

Audiobooks.com: https://www.audiobooks.com/audiobook/swinging-and-swapping-erotica-7-explicit-sex-stories/367908

This isn't an exhaustive list of links. The audiobook is also available from many other retailers and subscription services!

If you can't get enough audio erotica, become my patron for erotic stories every Friday, written and narrated by me!

Smashwords Read an Ebook Week Sale! March 3, 2019 - March 9, 2019

It's that time of year! Stock up on all those books you've been coveting during the Smashwords Read an Ebook Week Sale, March 3, 2019 - March 9, 2019!

The vast majority of my books are 50% off this week, including classic works and newer ones such as:

Find more books from me and my little Lexi at Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/GiselleRenardeErotica/authors#published

Mercy is Now an #Audiobook! #adultery #erotica

Mercy

Sex with an Ex for Money

by Giselle Renarde

Narrated by Giselle Renarde

By twenty-three, Mercy had realized she wasn’t the only girl in the world to sleep with an older man—a married man. When she meets Simon by chance after they’ve parted ways, he’s still married. She’s engaged. He still wants her. She’s not so sure… until he offers her cold hard cash.

Join Mercy as she sells sex to an ex in five erotic stories by award-winning author Giselle Renarde.

This audiobook can be found at so many retailers it'll make your head spin.
Take your pick!

Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/B07N6PNNK4/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-141246&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_141246_rh_us

iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/audiobook/mercy-sex-with-an-ex-for-money-unabridged/id1451376511?mt=11&ign-mpt=uo%3D4

Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/audiobooks/details/Giselle_Renarde_Mercy?id=AQAAAEBMOzN7bM&hl=en

Nook: https://www.nookaudiobooks.com/audiobook/1001680/mercy

Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/audiobook/mercy-101

Audiobooks.com: https://www.audiobooks.com/audiobook/mercy-sex-with-an-ex-for-money/368727

Scribd: https://www.scribd.com/audiobook/397823458/Mercy-Sex-with-an-Ex-for-Money

If you can't get enough audio erotica, become my patron for erotic stories every Friday, written and narrated by me!

A Tragic Coolness Playlist

Music is my lifeline. That's one big reason I make playlists to accompany some of my books. I've done it for my novels In Shadow, Cherry, and now Tragic Coolness.

Tragic Coolness is a story about unrequited love. It's based on my favourite opera, Eugene Onegin.

A girl falls instantly in love with a guy, but she's horribly rejected by him. Years later he decides he can't live without her.  By then, she's married and she's got kids and she's happy... or, at least, she claims to be.

I had to listen to a lot of break-up albums to compile this playlist, so I hope you'll have a listen. It's intended to accompany the book, so I guess you'll need a copy.

Here are some places where you can buy Tragic Coolness.
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/901726?ref=GiselleRenardeErotica
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07JHW2Q2V?tag=dondes-20
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=NNpyDwAAQBAJ
BN: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/tragic-coolness-giselle-renarde/1129759465
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/tragic-coolness
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/id1439408697

Where can you find the Tragic Coolness playlist?

Right here:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLBo2GKvlzg5Kgx6xEbEIdDDAVdyKwoLV9

Music is very meaningful to me, and creating these playlists makes me feel closer to you. I do hope you'll enjoy the songs I've selected to accompany my book Tragic Coolness.