Wednesday, March 11, 2015

#RandomBookIWrote Wednesday: Narcissist Seeks Narcissist

This is a book I wrote because, like 86% of the planet, I've got a huge crush on Joanna Lumley. So I fictionalized her, turned her into a lesbian, and put her in this erotic comedy. Ahh... a girl can dream...

Narcissist Seeks Narcissist
by Giselle Renarde

Szuszu the former model has survived on women and scotch since she was just a teenager. All these years, she's had her best friend Babette by her side, but now that Babette is married and setting off on a world tour, Szuszu feels utterly abandoned. As a pre-departure joke, Babette writes up a silly and snide little personal ad, which narcissistic Szuszu posts in hopes of attracting a woman who looks just like she did when she was young.

Naomi thinks Szuszu's post is hilarious -- what a great sense of humor! She can hardly believe the centrefold she stole from her dad's collection way back in the day is looking for love. It's not like her to answer a personal ad, but for the infamous Szuszu she'll make an exception. She thinks Szuszu looks fantastic, and Szuszu (who refuses to wear her glasses) thinks Naomi looks just like her. What could ensue but sex, love, and a whole lot of comedy?

"What's that you're scribbling, darling? It's about me, isn't it?" Szuszu reached across the table, nearly knocking over her backup scotch and soda. "Hand it over, Babs. Let's have a look."

Babette pressed the cocktail napkin flush to her chest, setting down her slim gold pen. "It's nothing, Szusz. Just my shopping list." She shook her head, eyes wide, guilty as sin. "Just my groceries."

"Shopping!" Szuszu cackled, knocked back the scotch in her hand, then slammed the glass down on the table. "Darling, you haven't done the shopping since you shacked up with that dairy cow you call a wife. You don't need to shop -- just bend the old hausfrau over a bucket and you've got your milk for free."

"Leave Matilda out of this." Babette shoved the cocktail napkin in her jacket pocket.

"Ah!" Gazing across the table through the amplifying lens of an empty scotch glass, Szuszu pointed to Babette's chest. "There! I see what you've written. It's all smeared across your tits, darling."

Published by New Dawning, available from

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