Donuts and Desires

Thursday, February 9, 2012

What Are You Doing To My Mom?!?!?

I'm not generally one to over-punctuated, but I've got a cat story that's just begging for a long line of exclamation and question marks. It's a cat story, but it's actually a sex story too. Don't worry--it's not gross.

Okay, so my sweetheart and I were getting it on today and I tend to be pretty noisy in bed, but today I was SUPER loud. Not just "Oh yeah baby," but actually screaming. It was awesome. Good times.

I guess I closed my eyes for a while, because suddenly I wasn't the only one screaming. There were two sets of screams, and I knew the others didn't belong to Sweet, because she's not much of a screamer.

It was the cat. You know I have cats, right? So, it was Mr. Majestic cat, the regal cat, the cat who owns this aparment and everyone in it. He was SCREAMING at us. I've never heard him make a noise like this before. It wasn't exactly a scream, I guess, and it wasn't a growl or a hiss. It was actually more of a moaning meow-bark. It was kind of a cat-fight noise, come to think of it. He kept running down the bed and yelling at Sweet, then running up the bed and screaming at me.

Now, I don't claim to speak cat, but my rough interpretation was something along the lines of:

To Sweet: "What are you doing to my mom?!?!?!"
To Me: "Why are you screaming like that?!?!?!"
To Sweet: "You're hurting her! Unless... oh, don't tell me she loves you! Impossible!"
To Me: "I thought you loved ME! How dare you toy with my tender feline emotions?"

Something like that. Cats are pretty egocentric, so I think that's what he was saying.

Of course, I started laughing because... well, it was just hilarious. But regal kitty cats don't appreciate being laughed at, so he started head-butting my girlfriend at that point, just hurling himself at her, making that weird moaning cat scream the whole time, like "Get off her! She's mine. She's MINE!!!"

Nobody, cat or human, has ever expressed that kind of jealousy or possessiveness of me. Nobody's ever tried to beat up my girlfriend, and certainly not while we were in bed together. If it had been a human doing all this, it would have been frightening I suppose, but because it was a cat, it was funny.

I totally lost it. I couldn't stay in the moment while my cat was cursing and crying and throwing himself at my girlfriend. I collapsed on the bed, laughing hysterically, so I guess ultimately the cat got what he wanted... because I stopped screaming.

I'm trying to think up a moral to this story, otherwise it's just me telling you about my bizarre sex life. I guess the moral is that cats always get their way. Wouldn't you agree?

Hugs,
Giselle
--
Giselle Renarde Canada just got hotter!

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Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Tough Times for Teens

When I was a teenager, I was looking for something.

The rule in my family was that at 13 years of age, you were allowed to choose whether or not you continued going to church. We were never super-churchy people. In fact, my parents only started bringing me to church when I asked them what God was and they didn't have the answer. I think I was 3 or 4 at the time.

So, after 10-ish years of churchness I decided it wasn't my thing. Luckily, the church we went to was super-progressive and is a hugely we-love-gay, we-love-trans kind of place, so I didn't leave there with any queer guilt. Who needs that?

In my early teens, I remember going to the library and browsing all the books in the spirituality, psychology, and religion sections. I devoured those books. I don't even know how many times I read the Ramayana when I was in high school.

Somewhere in there, the very first Chicken Soup for the Soul book hit the market, and it impacted me tremendously. There was a lot of life shit I was trying to reconcile, particularly around being raised in a family plagued by addiction, but also just around knowing I was... different.

You know me, right? I'm queer. So when I read that Chicken Soup for the Soul had a call for submissions out for a book called Tough Times for Teens, I gravitated back to that part of my life when QUEER was still a 4-letter word. I thought about things that impacted me, things that helped me, and I just kept coming back to the 93-year-old trans woman I met when I was 16 and worked at a discount department store.

My story "Gotta Be This Or That" was selected for inclusion in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Tough Times for Teens. If you buy the book, you'll find it in the "Sticks and Stones" section. At its essence, my story is about not fitting in anywhere--a feeling a lot of teens can relate to, I think. It's a story of shameless queerness, particularly genderqueerness, and a reminder of how much we can learn from our LGBTQ elders.

I'm really kind of honoured to be a part of the Chicken Soup family. Those books helped me when I needed them, and all I can hope is that Tough Times for Teens gives the younger generation a whole lot of hope.

Hugs,
Giselle
--
Giselle Renarde Canada just got hotter!

Visit me online
http://donutsdesires.blogspot.com
http://www.wix.com/gisellerenarde/erotica
http://twitter.com/GiselleRenarde