The Way You Wear Your Face

This post was originally written in 2015 by Giselle Renarde

A teacher once said to my mother, "There's steel in that girl."

At the time, she was right. Still, I fought back tears when my mother told me. I couldn't decide whether I should be proud. I knew it was true, but was it really so obvious?

The neighbourhood I grew up in was and is very different from the place I live now. Earlier today I was walking down the street and asking myself, "What would be the perfect soundtrack to give this area?" 

The first song that popped into my head was Pleasant Valley Sunday.

I'm trying to think of the perfect song to accompany the area I grew up in. It would be whatever music scares you shitless, really. Or just the sound of music through apartment walls and people screaming, and then a big crash and you sweating bullets and thinking, "Should I call the police?"

But of course you shouldn't because it's none of your damn business.

I can't pinpoint any event or moment that turned young Giselle into steel. It was home life coupled with where home was. My mom still lives in that same house, and when I tell people the intersection their eyes widen and they go, "Wow" or just "Yikes." They know my old street because there's a gang named for it. 

Why would anyone choose to live in such an unsavoury area?

That's a question I can't answer. I left as soon as I could. 

I left the steel there, too.

This came to mind the other week, when I was watching So You Think You Can Dance. There was a young woman on the show who had that same steel in her. She came from a rough neighbourhood, too. She faced addiction in her family.

I saw my old self in the way she wore her face: hard, inaccessible, a brick wall of a face. A face you don't want to mess with.

That was me! That was me until I moved to a neighbourhood where I can walk around any time, day or night, and not be afraid. Sure it's weird, being poor and living in an incredibly affluent neighbourhood. I'm surrounded by ego and entitlement and it gets to me sometimes, but at the end of the day entitlement isn't going to steal your jewellery from around your neck or spray bullets from a car window.

Man, it feels good to not be afraid of the place you live. I'm practically Pollyanna when I'm out in the world. I talk to strangers! I smile at everybody! I love them all! Mwah-Mwah! Kisses all 'round!

And then I take the bus back to the neighbourhood where I grew up. Suddenly the smile in my eyes feels embarrassing. It makes me vulnerable. So I shut it down. I lock Pollyanna and her Pleasant Valley Sunday in the basement until I'm back at home base. Because I don't want to be targetted. I don't want to be picked out of the lineup. That one smiling face sticks out, on the bus to my mom's house.

But I feel odd about it. I love the compassionate me. She's my favourite kind of me! I want to share her with the people who live where I used to live. They're sort of like family, in a way.

I try, but I feel uneasy. The world I grew up in seems so predatory, so violent, so ready to take you down.

Out comes the steel, but I put it on like a mask now. It's not coming from the inside out. I'm wearing it so I'll blend in.

Sometimes I feel Pollyanna kicking and screaming, but I make her wear that mask. It's for her own good.

Delta's Diary: Big-City Butch in a Small Town #LesbianDiaries #ButchFemme #LesRom #LesFic

Last year, my partner bought a house in a small town. I've been splitting my time between city and country since then.

The first thing I read in this small town's local paper was homophobic rhetoric. The last thing I read in this small town's local paper (and I'm talking two minutes ago, right before I started typing this post) was homophobic rhetoric.

Living in a big city for forty years could not and did not prepare me for life as a small-town queer.

That's probably why I set my latest Lesbian Diaries book in (you guessed it) a small town. When I sat down to start Delta's Diary, I didn't anticipate writing a book about a character finding community in her small town. I remember finishing the first draft and kind of feeling irritable because, although Delta was experiencing some of the same mental health shit I continue to experience, she didn't face the homophobia I felt and still feel confronted by.

Maybe I want to take care of my characters. It's bad enough, what we queers have to endure in the real world. Maybe I wanted my dear Delta to get off a little lighter.

Not that she gets off light. She's had a rough life, and it gets only marginally easier throughout the book.  Her personality is based very much on mine. In fact, the scene where she's walking around town screaming at nobody is based on a true story. I was having a rough night soon after we moved here, and... well, you can read the book to find out more. 

By the way, I did not actually eat the Doritos.

Anyway, I feel like I've swallowed a rock. That's what small-town homophobia does to my body. 

Sometimes I write books.

Read Delta's Diary today. Consider this my personal invitation to you. I want you to read this book.

Delta's Diary
The Lesbian Diaries, Book 11
by Giselle Renarde

Can a big-city butch find community in a small town?

Delta's sunk about as far as she can go when she moves in with her brother. He's in the same boat: his wife just left him and he's down in the dumps. They don't do much to cheer each other up, but at least co-existence is peaceful.

When Delta crashes the town's Friday Night Queer Club, the girl she's got the hots for is not the one who wants her back. How she ends up with a girlfriend she doesn't even like is anyone's guess, but that's not the only thing ruining her chances with the femme of her dreams. Her crush claims to be straight, and she doesn't exactly ingratiate herself by doubting Melanie's word.

Even when you've hit rock bottom, you can always sink lower. If there's one thing Delta knows how to do, it's burn bridges.

How will Delta untangle the mess she's created when she's running on nothing but street-smarts and grit?

Buy the ebook from Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BMBDH7X3?tag=dondes-20
Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/delta-s-diary
Apple: https://books.apple.com/ca/book/deltas-diary/id6444419895

Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=TNibEAAAQBAJ
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1178481?ref=GiselleRenardeErotica

Get the paperback here: https://www.amazon.com/Deltas-Lesbian-Diaries-Giselle-Renarde/dp/B0BMKCXW9W

Universal Book Link for more retailers: https://books2read.com/DeltasDiary

Apocalypse of the Self: #Queer #Identity and #Aging

When I was a teenager, older adults warned me that no matter how old you get, you always look into the mirror expecting to see your eighteen-year-old self.

My eighteen-year-old self isn't all I expect to see.

There are so many layers to the person I think of as ME.

Most salient is my queer identity.

I don't think I'd heard the word QUEER used in an empowering way to describe one's own sexuality until my final year of university. I'd been kicked out of a psycholinguistics course because I didn't have the prerequisites. The university notified me by post, except they sent the letter to my mother's address--and I didn't live there.

By the time I discovered I'd been kicked out of my class, it was too late to pick up another course.

I wouldn't be graduating with my cohort. I needed to take a summer course if I wanted to convocate in the fall.

To complicate matters, I'd already secured a full-time job. I would be working for the same company where I'd worked part-time throughout most of my university years.

So I needed an evening summer class to accommodate my new job.

I'd shied away from taking LGBT courses in university. I felt like taking those courses meant committing to an aspect of myself I wasn't fully ready to embrace at that stage. But when one of the only appealing evening courses during the summer happened to be an LGBT course, it sort of felt like the universe guiding me gently toward my identity.

Gently, but firmly.

During the course of that course (which changed names three times that summer--I have no idea what it ended up being called), I felt like I'd found my people, and found myself. Hearing the lecturers talk about queer identities was both enlightening and empowering.

I still shied away from calling myself queer, because I didn't feel "qualified." Which is stupid, but it's easy to feel that way--and it was even easier to feel that way back when I was in university. There's a ridiculous amount of gatekeeping that goes on in queer culture.

In time, I adopted my queer identities. Not only is my sexual identity QUEER, but my gender is, as well. Even before I'd embraced my genderqueer identity, I pushed back against the gender binary by dressing androgynously. Androgynous attire felt like a safety net, for me. That's how I showed the world I wasn't the person they wanted me to be.

Another aspect of identity I've clung to throughout my adult life has to do with living under the poverty line and setting myself apart from "rich people." I grew up in a "bad neighbourhood," and that's stayed with me even after 15 years of living in a "good neighbourhood."

A couple weeks ago, I was on my way to a volunteer shift. My work takes place in an office space where people dress well, and so I started dressing well when I went in. My co-workers don't need to know that my business attire came to me in a garbage bag from a clothes horse friend of the family, who generously unloads her old clothes on myself and my sisters. Every garbage bag is like Christmas, particularly because this girl's clothes fit us so perfectly.

Anyway, I was on my way to my volunteer shift this one day when I caught a glimpse of myself in a shop window.

My reflection truly shocked me.

Not only was I no longer 18, but I didn't look poor, I didn't look queer (whatever that means), I didn't look androgynous--I didn't look the way I felt.

I looked like a yuppy.

I looked like the kind of person who goes to their office job and comes home to a husband and kids.

How do I know who I am if I look like someone I'm not?

The image I'm used to seeing in the mirror is a greasy-haired androgynous kid in dirty, ripped clothes. I'm used to being mistaken for homeless. Not anymore. I dress better than I used to when I leave the house. And, because my "nice" clothes are femme, that means I'm presenting femme more often than before.

Not just that, but I'm no longer in a relationship with a woman--a relationship that outwardly validated that, yes, I am queer.  Just look at who I'm dating!  She PROVES my queerness!

The partner I have now is a man, so anyone observing us as a couple would make the assumption that I'm straight.

My sexual identity isn't reliant upon the gender of my partner. I can be queer with a partner of any gender, or without any partner at all. Queer is who I am. However, when you look like you're cis and you look like you're straight and you look like you're financially secure, the world treats you a hell of a lot better than it does when you look homeless and queer.

So, if the world is suddenly a more hospitable place, why am I complaining?

I don't know. It just doesn't feel like me. It isn't me. I look like something I'm not. And I'm rattled by that.

The mirror doesn't reflect the me I see inside. But the truly troubling thing is that, aesthetically, what I see in the mirror... I actually kind of like it.

Thank you for being a reader. #readers #writers #gratitude

I saw a tweet the other day that really pissed me off.

I won't say who it came from or even what line of work they're in, but the tweet was a real screw-you to all their followers. It said something along the lines of: you think you're so supportive because you follow me and retweet me, but if you're not buying my products then you're not helping me at all because retweets don't pay the rent.

When I saw that, I was seriously taken aback. I haven't stopped thinking about it, and it makes me want to communicate, now more than ever, that I don't feel that way about my followers on twitter or on my blog here or anywhere else. Quite the opposite. I appreciate the time you take to read my words, whether they're in blog form, tweet form, or book form.

I appreciate your time.

If you read something I've written here at Donuts and Desires or on twitter and you take a moment to share it with others, I appreciate that action tremendously.

In fact, it's about more than just your time. It's about much, much more.

The other day I was thinking about book reviews. I don't read reviews of my work, but I appreciate beyond words that readers take the time to share their thoughts with the entire internet.

Sharing your opinions with the world isn't always easy, especially when you consider the nature of what I'm writing: erotica and queer fiction. If you write a book review about my work, you're sharing a lot about yourself.

Some readers are not in a position where they're able to be "out" as kinky or queer or whatever the case may be. They don't feel they can tell the world this is what they're reading. If you fall into that category, I want you to know it's okay. I don't wish for you to put your security in jeopardy to boost me up. Just know in your heart how much I appreciate that you're reading my words.

And if you are in a position to share your views on my work with the world, I appreciate that too. I appreciate it tremendously. And I appreciate it even if you didn't buy the book you're reviewing--if you checked it out of your local library or you got it for free during some kind of promotion or you found a tattered copy in a bus station bathroom.

Yes, I write for a living. Yes I need to put food on the table with my words. And pay the rent. And cover utilities. I couldn't do any of those things without readers. But does that mean I begrudge the people who "only" subscribe to my newsletter, who "only" retweet me once in a while, who "only" read the free stories on my blog? No! Not in the least.

Let's be real: this is the world of erotica. Most of the people who buy a title like "Forbidden Family Erotica" won't remember my name once they've read my smut. And you know what? I'm okay with that.

Not every reader needs to be a fan, and not every fan needs to be a reader. Most of my twitter followers have probably never read my work, and they probably never will. But every so often someone retweets a book trailer I've made, and that gets seen by a few people who've never heard of me, and they get interested in my work and a fan inspires a reader without even knowing it.

It's so shitty for anyone to tell their followers "if you're not purchasing my product, you mean nothing to me." I can't get over it. It's got me so riled up.

Hey, YOU. Yes, you! If you're reading this right now, you mean something to me. I've written these words. You've read these words. No money has changed hands, but we've got a connection. And that means something.

At least, to me it does.

And if you want to support me financially, Patreon is as good a place as any!

Books In My Box + Hairy Armpits + Blasphemy

Maybe that should read "books in my slot" since I have a mail slot and not a mailbox, but it sounds dirty either way, so I'm happy.

Not much to say. Just showing off my beautiful contributor's copies of two new erotic anthologies which are apparently both FOR WOMEN according to their subtitles. (Sorry everybody else. Not for you.)

If you're Hungry for More and you Can't Get Enough, look for my work in these two collections next time you're buying books.

Also, as an outward expression of my increasingly undeniable genderqueerness, here's some armpit hair:

Ooh... I like the one on the right!

Finally, as a side note, I found another Hungry for More at Amazon... Hungry for More OF JESUS. Mmm... tastes like the Son of Man!

Because this guy's got his head up his ass...

...I'm going to re-post my National Aboriginal Day blog entry.

Wait, who's got what in whose ass?

Sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself.

To make a long story short, I just heard on the radio that Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper is once again dismissing calls for a national inquiry into missing and murdered Aboriginal women.

According to Herr Harper, "We should not view this as a sociological phenomenon. We should view it as crime." source: CBC

WHAT? Uhhh... you know acts can multitask, right? They can be crimes AND sociological phenomena. Yes, at the same time! Imagine that!

Harper's adamant denial that there are systemic roots to violence against Aboriginal women in this country is just... I can't even... I have no words. It's just... no. No, I'm not going into it again. I already did in the post below, which is a lot less ranty than whatever I might spew if I let myself right now.

Here's my National Aboriginal Day post:

June 21st is National Aboriginal Day here in Canada. That's why I've chosen today to release my collection of explicit lesbian romance stories featuring Aboriginal characters.

"Don't You Savage Me" is now available for purchase and, best of all, I will be donating 100% of the royalties I earn to charitable organizations working for and with Aboriginal women in Canada.

What sparked the idea to put together a collection that exists solely for the purpose of raising money for Aboriginal women?

Well, if you live in Canada you might have heard about an RCMP report on missing and murdered Aboriginal women. It's a big-fucking-deal.

• The RCMP say they worked with Statistics Canada and almost 300 policing agencies to produce the report, which found that aboriginal women account for 4.3 per cent of the overall Canadian female population yet account for 16 per cent of female homicides and 11.3 per cent of the cases of missing women.
• Since 1980 the rate of women who are victims of homicide has trended down, except the rate for aboriginal women, which has increased, the report states.
• Officials said there have been 1,181 police-recorded incidents of aboriginal homicides and unresolved missing women investigations over the past three decades — a much higher number than previously thought.
• Source: CBC 

For those reading from outside Canada (and I realize a lot of my readers are not Canadian), your impression of this country might be shiny and bright.  We're all so NICE here in Canada, right? But this country, man, it's got its problems.  The United Nations has urged Canada to hold a national inquiry into missing and murdered women.  In fact, the UN has offered a lot of criticisms that have been largely ignored by the Canadian government.

Human rights concerns documented in UN Special Rapporteur's report on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples:

• "distressing socio-economic conditions" and inadequate funding of health care, housing, education, welfare, and social services for Indigenous communities;
• over-representation of Indigenous women and men in the prison system;
• high rates of violence against Indigenous women and girls;
• exclusion of Indigenous peoples from effective participation in decisions that affect their rights, particularly in respect to resource development;
• and a federal discourse about taxes and the economy that places Indigenous peoples "outside, and in opposition to, 'Canadian' interests, rather than understanding indigenous people to be an integral aspect of those interests."

The Special Rapporteur also acknowledges historical patterns of "devastating human rights violations" including the residential school policy, which the Report notes "continues to cast a long shadow of despair on indigenous communities."
Source: Amnesty International Canada

That was a bit of a long preamble, wasn't it?  I didn't really plan that. Thanks for sticking around to find out about the anthology itself:

In “Don’t You Savage Me,” bestselling author of the Rainbow Award-winning novel The Red Satin Collection has bundled together six lesbian love stories featuring Indigenous characters.

There’s a little something for every taste, from the sticky-sweet romance between a cop and the girl next door in “Cuff Divers” to the intense heat of “Sugar Bush.” Rusidan learns about her girlfriend’s heritage in “Traditional Inuit Throat Singing” while Emma encounters a legend come to life in the historical romance “To Dream of Her True Love’s face.” A group of girls leave Jansey utterly exhausted in the charming bondage story “Knowing the Ropes.” Charm or no charm, Dina can’t resist rodeo rider Leslie Goosemoon in “Leslie Goosemoon Rides Again.”

All royalties earned by the author on sales of “Don’t You Savage Me” will be donated to charitable organizations allied with Indigenous women in Canada.

I have no preference where you purchase from. It's available from lots of retailers. I'm glad for every copy sold.  Every little bit helps. And if you're not in the position to purchase, tell your friends--especially those who enjoy lesbian erotic romance (it's not always the biggest seller, unfortunately):

Amazon US: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00L5XLDZ2
Amazon Canada: http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B00L5XLDZ2
Amazon UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00L5XLDZ2

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/450362

Me again. Just wanted to add that I've been overwhelmed by the number of copies of "Don't You Savage Me" you wonderful people have purchased. I've noticed a ton of readers from England buying this book, which is not at all what I expected when I released it, but what a happy surprise. Thank you for your support!
Hugs,
Giselle

FREE READ: The Public Life of Private Paulsen #transgender #historical #romance

This darling little love story originally appeared in my out-of-print anthology "My Mistress' Thighs" (which received an honourable mention in the 2011 Rainbow Awards--not that I'm bragging or anything) and was also available as an ebook from a now-defunct publisher.

But I've revived it, just for you!

And why?  Because every time I see a tweet about Chelsea Manning and transgender issues relating to the military, I think about this story. "The Public Life of Private Paulsen" is a post-war historical about a pair of soldiers who always shared a special connection.

Where can you get this free ebook?

I've uploaded it as a FREE READ at my new Coffee Time Romance webstore: http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/BookStore/pubs_product_book_info/indie-authors-giselle-renarde-c-193/the-public-life-of-private-paulsen-p-10944


If you don't know me or my work, maybe I should add, as a disclaimer: this story contains explicit sex.  If you do know me and my work, maybe you'll be surprised by the amount of sweetness in this little short. It's so tender.  Oh, I just love it.

The headlines read: Private Paulsen went abroad and came back a broad.

World War Two changed the lives of all GIs who went into battle, but in the case of Private Paulsen, post-war transformations prove wildly more dramatic. 

After undergoing one of the world’s first sex change operations in Europe, the Private returns home with a splash…a brand new identity. Pearl Paulsen is instantly the most intriguing and yet reviled celebrity in the country, but her fame provides little comfort when she misses the man she loves. 

When Pearl meets up once again with George, the soldier she fought beside at Normandy, will the sparks they'd suppressed during the war return?  Now that Pearl has the body she’s always wanted, can love bloom between the two?   

Get it now. Tell your friends.  Here's the link: http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/BookStore/pubs_product_book_info/indie-authors-giselle-renarde-c-193/the-public-life-of-private-paulsen-p-10944

Hugs,
Giselle

Love in the Time of Instant Messenger

Over the past five years, my Sweet and I have spent a lot of time communicating by instant messenger.  At first, I wasn't so hot on the idea.  Thing is, we've got a long distance situation going on here, and we both spend a lot of time at our computers.  IM meant we could multitask (not my forte) and get some work done while chatting.  It's like being in the same space without being in the same room.

A few years ago, I wrote a short story called "Love in the Time of Instant Messenger."  It appears exclusively in my anthology My Mistress' Thighs, and incorporates a lot of chat-speak  But it leaves out something crucial: all the misunderstandings that come out of (mis)communicating textually. 

On IM, Sweet and I can't "hear" each other properly and it leads to a lot of arguments we would never have in person or by phone.  Tone is missing.  We mishear each other all the time.  We drive ourselves crazy.

Last week, I'd had enough. 

I don't remember what our petty argument was about, and it doesn't even matter.  When we IM-argue, it's water off my back, but the negative emotions impact Sweet really deeply.  She can't sleep until we've resolved our differences.  And the resolution usually involves a phone call where she's like "this is what I meant" and I'm like "yeah, me too" and we realize we agreed all along.  We were arguing for no reason.  If we could hear each other's intonation from the get-go, we'd never have argued.  We both hear the opposite of what the other person's saying. It's nuts.  And it happens all the time.

So on Friday, I said (typed), "No more IM. From now on, we communicate by phone or in person."

Sweet wasn't thrilled.  It's only Monday as I write this, but I feel really itchy and... what's the word?  Oh right--withdrawal.  I'm so used to sharing HOURS of my day with her.  I'm used to feeling like she's right there beside me.  This alone-ness is unsettling and I don't like it.  Sweet and I spent two hours together today, and I still feel like something's missing because I'm writing this blog post without her little messages popping up on my screen.

I don't know, kids.  Was cold turkey the best solution?  Should we find a way to repair the instant messenger rift, or just accept that we don't have the skills to communicate effectively that way?  I'm torn.

But I'll tell you what I did tonight, which I haven't done in ages: I wrote my sweetheart a love letter.  On paper.  With a pen.  Earlier today, when we talked face to face like real human beings, she told me that when she first learned to write in school, she had an ink well in her desk and had to use a scratchy nibbed pen.  (Is my girlfriend old, or what!?)

Anyway, I wrote my love letter with a ballpoint pen, and so enjoyed taking my time, finding the right words, expressing myself effectively.  It felt much less nebulous than IM.  Writing on paper was a really grounding, emotional experience.

Does anyone else find technology impedes their ability to communicate effectively?

Hugs,
Giselle

Come As You Are says "Use It or Lose It"

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My Fellow Apartment Dwellers (also: Stompin' Tom, kd lang, and food banks)

I know a lot of you read Donuts & Desires from across the world, but I also know that a lot of my readers are fellow Ontari-ari-o-ans. (Ontarians. People who live in Ontario. Hmm... I just realized what a weird name our province has. Ontario. Sounds like yodelling.)

Anyway, what I actually want to talk about is food banks.  Yes, again.  I know I talk about food banks a lot, but I grew up without enough to eat.  Ensuring all people (children, seniors and adults) have something in their bellies is a priority.

Today I noticed a poster in the lobby of my apartment building.  The Spring Hope Food Drive is back April 23, 2013.  I'm giving you lots of notice, here.

The Spring Hope Food Drive is an Ontario-wide effort to collect non-perishable food donations in rental buildings like mine.  Volunteers come door to door to pick up everything you'd like to give.  What service!

If you're a renter in Ontario, maybe your building is participating in this effort.  Look for signs or ask your landlord or property manager.  If they haven't signed up to join this collective effort, ask them to get involved. Here's the website: http://www.springhopefooddrive.ca/index.php

When Stompin' Tom Connors died, his family asked people to donate to food banks and homeless shelters in lieu of flowers.  If it's been on your mind to do one of those things (or both!), here's an opportunity.

While we're on the topic, I found this clip of Stompin' Tom with kd lang in 1990.  It sure put a smile on my face:



For ideas about what to buy when you're shopping for food banks, consult my Christmas post on the topic: http://donutsdesires.blogspot.ca/2012/11/the-year-of-no-christmas.html 

These days, I try extra hard to donate healthy foods.  Just because cheap crap is abundant doesn't mean we should be eating it, right?  And just because people are poor doesn't mean they (we) necessarily want to eat cheap crap when other options are available.  Baby food, apple sauce, 100% juice, oatmeal, flour, rice, pasta--all safe bets.  Go for stuff that's not too full of salt, sugar, and chemicals.  I know that's not easy, since salt is used as a preservative in canned goods, but... we can try.
 
Hugs,
Giselle

A Domestic Violence Resource for Trans People

I came across an online pamphlet this week, and it particularly drew my attention because--well, for a lot of reasons, actually.  Firstly, I do volunteer work with an organization in the domestic violence sector that takes an inclusive approach to the trans population, and is notably progressive on the anti-racism/anti-oppression front.

Secondly, I wrote a trans lesbian novella last year wherein one of the characters was dealing with domestic abuse. My novella is called "Friday Night Lipstick" in case anyone's interested.  Actually, two of the characters are loosely based on a cis/trans couple who were friends of my girlfriend (who is also trans, as you probably know).


Now, I should note that this publication, Domestic Violence: A resource for trans people, is written for trans people experiencing abuse in London, but I think it's a helpful read for people outside that geographic location (aside from the resources section, which lists London-based agencies).  I hope readers in Canada, America, New Zealand, Australia and all the other countries you're reading this blog from will be able to find additional resources in their area, but this is certainly a start.

In addition to addressing abuse within current intimate relationships, this publication also looks at abuse coming from former partners and family members--which, as far as I'm aware, isn't addressed very often despite how common it is.

Anyway, I'm talking too much--as usual.  This publication speaks for itself.  Have a read:

http://www.domesticviolencelondon.nhs.uk/uploads/downloads/DV%20Trans%20guide_FINAL_FOR_WEB.pdf

Hugs,
Giselle

Guest Post: How To Write a Book Review on Amazon

Hello, you lovely people, you!

I came across this post on book reviews, and thought I'd share it.  To be honest, every time I decide I want to review a book on Amazon (which, to be TOTALLY honest, I don't do very often), I always sit here staring at the screen, wondering, "What the hell should I write?"  That's a terrible thing for an author to admit, isn't it?

Anyhoo, I found this post really helpful, so I added some cute animals, and here it is (I'll be back at the end to comment a little more):

"Loved it."  "Hated it."

How To Write a Book Review on Amazon

The following post by Gwen Perkins (used with permission) walks you through how to write an Amazon review and the impact reviews have on sales.

As anyone who is or knows an author knows, many of us frequently go around wishing and hoping that our book will receive reviews on that book giant, Amazon. (I also wish and hope for Powell’s and Barnes and Noble’s but as more and more authors publish exclusively through the Big A, that’s what this blog post is about.) I thought that I’d explain my own reasons for wanting reviews and how they work. I’m choosing to address this via questions that I’ve received from friends and family.

1) I’m no good at writing an Amazon review. What do I say?

The beautiful thing about Amazon reviews is that you don’t have to be Roger Ebert. You can click a star rating and then write a couple of sentences about the book. Reviews can be as simple as “This book was really good. I wish there was more romance” or really elaborate.

Here are some things you could put in a review:

Adjectives that describe the book (it was good, it was awful, etc).

Say something you liked about it. Things that you could focus on could include the plot, a particular scene, characters, how things changed during the course of the story, etc.

If there was a moment or character that personally impacted you in some way, don’t be afraid to say so. Put yourself in the review. Authors love to know their readers and I know that I’m always touched when I can tell someone made a personal connection with what I wrote.

Talk about what you wanted to see more of or what needs improvement. Do you wish another character was in the book more? Say so. Did bad spelling distract you? Tell us that too.

"Write better, you bastard!"

Tips to remember:

Don’t be afraid to be honest. Do, however, remember to be helpful. Don’t just say “it sucks” but tell everyone why it sucked.

Don’t give away the ending of the book. You can allude to it very vaguely (“the ending surprised me”) but don’t say specific plot details.

You’re not being graded. Write a review as long or short as you want. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece of art—think of it more as a conversation or what you might tell people you know about this book.

Make sure that you read the book before you review. This seems like it should be obvious but… it’s not.

2) Do Amazon reviews actually affect a book’s sales?

I have to be honest with you and tell you that I don’t yet know for sure as I don’t have the “magic number” yet. This is what I understand to be true from conversations with my publisher and other authors:

Around 20-25 reviews, Amazon starts including the book in “also bought” and “you might like” lists. This increases your chances of someone finding your title.

Around 50-70 reviews, Amazon looks at your book for spotlight positions and the newsletter. This is HUGE. This is my personal goal although I use Amazon reviews for other reasons (more later on in this post).

Number of reviews may affect Amazon sales ranking. (Again, this is anecdotal–I have no actual proof of it.)

Some websites will not consider or promote your book unless you have a number of reviews on the page (this is very true of those sites that highlight free promos—I can attest to this).

And, of course, readers may read through your reviews and decide to purchase or not purchase the book based on this.

3) Whatever. I don’t care if you sell this wonderful/awful book. Why should I write a review if it doesn’t change how you write the next one?

Oh, but it does.

When I read my Amazon reviews, they tell me things that my editor might not. Let’s face it, an editor is only one person and even with beta readers, you’re working in a group of people who are familiar with the craft of writing. What an author also needs is the opinion of the average reader, that person who just picked up their book and doesn’t have an English degree.

While you have to have a tough skin about reviews, as an author, they’re very helpful. They can reaffirm something that you were already working on. For instance, I’d already decided to make one of my minor characters in my first book a point-of-view character for the second—my reviews have told me that people wouldn’t be uninterested in him. They can also point out things that you need to work on. In my case, exposition!

Likewise, positive reviews tell you what you’re doing right. If people rave about your characters, then that’s likely a good place to keep going. If reviews talk about the fighting scenes in a positive light, then you know you’re making a difference.

So, in short, yes, what you write in that review is fairly likely to change something about the book I’m working on now. Writing is a process.

4) But I really hated the book! Should I still review it?

Here is where I probably differ from some other authors so I’m going to speak only for myself here.

"Seriously, guys--this is giving me a headache."

Yes. Absolutely. How will I know where to improve unless I get reviews that tell me so? Yes, it can be painful to read some reviews but am I ever going to say that there isn’t truth in them? No. After the initial sting, I’ll read it again and take something home from that. I’ll be a better writer for it. To be honest, not everyone likes every book. There are people out there who hate Harry Potter. It would be a little presumptuous to think that all of my reviews would be golden for any book (they’re not now and I don’t expect that to change. Especially not if anyone reads this post.).

The only thing that I ask is to please make sure you have something to say about why it is bad. The only review that I’ve ever been really irritable about was a one-star on an old short horror story I posted for fun where the reader said they were underage and hadn’t read it.

Having said all of that, it is really tough to be a small press or self-published author (I am the former). Bad reviews can kill a novel if they’re the first ones a book receives or if they’re all that the book has. Please hold this in mind if you decide to go forth. This post by Anne R, Allen does a good job of explaining the impact in more detail than I’ll get into here.

(Feel free to share this post or copy it for your own blog. All I ask is that if you do, please keep my author note.)

Gwen Perkins is a fantasy novelist who is always on the hunt for Amazon reviews for her first novel, The Universal Mirror (Hydra Publications, 2012). She can be contacted through email at gwen@ironangel.net.

Hi! It's Giselle. I'm back. 

Wasn't that a useful post?  I'm going to consult it the next time I write an Amazon review, which, as I mentioned earlier, I don't do very often.  I review music sometimes, but something holds me back from reviewing books.  

Okay, I can better articulate that "something": if the book was written by an author I know personally (or if I'm published by the same publisher or have ties to the editor, etc. etc.), I don't want to say anything even remotely negative because I don't want to hurt their feelings or create bad blood.  

"Who you callin' a puppet?"

On the flip side, if I have only wonderful things to say about the book I'm afraid my review won't seem credible.  I'm also afraid people might think I was paid or persuaded to give a book a good review, even though that goes totally against my personal code of ethics.

Reading reviews?  Well, I don't read reviews of my books.  Why?  Because I'm a wuss.  Bad reviews (particularly the venemous, hate-spewing ones) depress me--in a clinical, can't-get-out-of-bed way.  So, in the interest of being a productive non-suicidal person, I just stay away.

But... I do read reviews of OTHER people's books and, let me tell you, it's not the 5-star or 4-star ones that get me interested.  When I see a book that's got a billion 1-star reviews, that's when I go, "Hey, hey!  Now, this I gotta see."  

Often, reviews that tear a book to shreds (as long as it's not mine, right?) make me want to read the book, even if it's in a guilty-pleasure/schadenfreude way. Or sometimes readers will hate the book because it's too dark, or too fetishistic, or OMG the characters are lesbians.  I see that and think, "Wow, sounds like a great book!"  That's why, to reiterate a point Gwen made above, it is vitally important to articulate WHY you hate a work.  Your yuck could be someone else's yum.

Anyhoo, enough from me.  I told you what I really think.  It's your turn now.

Hugs,

Giselle

Award-winning erotica writer Giselle Renarde is a queer Canadian, avid volunteer, contributor to more than 100 short story anthologies, and author of numerous electronic and print books, including Anonymous, Nanny State, and My Mistress' Thighs. Ms Renarde lives across from a park with two bilingual cats who sleep on her head.

The Political is Personal #IdleNoMore

Until now, I've been quiet about my heartfelt alliance with the Idle No More movement.

For those worldwide readers who may not be aware of the goings-on in Canada, I won't paraphrase.  Instead, here's a quote from the mission statement from the Idle No More website:

Idle No More calls on all people to join in a revolution which honors and fulfills Indigenous sovereignty which protects the land and water. Colonization continues through attacks to Indigenous rights and damage to the land and water. We must repair these violations, live the spirit and intent of the treaty relationship, work towards justice in action, and protect Mother Earth.

You can read more here: http://idlenomore1.blogspot.ca/p/blog-page_11.html

As you may or may not know, Attawapiskat Chief Theresa Spence is well into a hunger strike our Prime Minister Stephen Harper has chosen to ignore. All she's asking is to meet with the PM, the governor general (who acts as the Queen's representative here in Canada), and Ontario's Premier, to discuss Aboriginals affairs, treaty matters, and environmental issues.

They are ignoring her requests for a meeting.

There are others around the country who are now fasting in solidarity, including 10 women in Regina, who began their hunger strike yesterday and will fast, I believe, until December 31st.

Today I'm joining those women, fasting in alliance and solidarity with the Idle No More movement. (Hello from Toronto!)

I actually didn't want to blog about this matter. I just wanted to do it.  The only person I'd planned on telling was my girlfriend, who expressed her full support for the cause, but worries about my health.  To be honest, I've been suffering blood loss and anemia lately due to a medical concern.  Not eating probably isn't the best idea, but this is something I need to do, personally.

The reason I'm telling you about it is that my personal reasons for the fast are intensely political, so if I don't come out and explain what I'm doing and why, it has no political bearing beyond my own mind.

Stephen Harper does not speak for me.  I never voted for him, and his weighty silence does not carry my voice.  I stand in solidarity and alliance with the Idle No More movement, and I urge the Prime Minister, Premier, and Governor General to meet with Chief Theresa.

That's my voice.  I'm speaking with my hunger.

Peace,
Giselle

For Just Pennies A Day...

Wait!  It's not what you think!  I'm not asking for money (this time). heh

This post is about an experiment I've got going.  It's veeery iiiinteresting, so I want to share it with my fellow readers and writers.

A few weeks ago, I was on twitter (what else is new?) and another author was like "Oh yay, I just got a royalty cheque for £6."

Well, I won't be one-upped, so I bragged about the royalty cheque I'd just received in the amount of one dollar and ninety cents.  Marketing-wise, showing off about how little money we make in this industry probably isn't smart, but you know what?  I'd rather be honest about it.  I'm a full-time writer and it is not a lucrative career.

Now, granted, that $1.90 cheque was only from one publisher where I have not much work placed, and it covered a quarter where I had no new releases, but even so... that's THREE MONTHS of sales.

Three months!

It's real! I didn't make it up!

Last week, I was out for a walk (I walk a lot--it's free entertainment) when I came across a dime on the sidewalk.  I tell you, that was an exciting day.  I looked that dime, and the first thing that popped into my head was my cheque for $1.90.  I thought, "If I found a dime every day for three months, I'd make considerably more than $1.90."  But what are the chances of that, right?  So I thought, "Well, I see a lot of pennies on the ground.  What if I found ONE penny every day?  In three months, I'd make... $1.80!"

I kid you not, it took me a full week to realize that 30 days x 3 months x 1 cent does NOT equal $1.80. Which is sad, because I was really good at math in elementary school.

Anyway, starting last week with that dime, I decided to launch an experiment:

Can I "earn" more than $1.90 in three months by picking up change off the sidewalk?

This is my experiment, and you're in on it.  After one week, here's what we've got:

Hello Kitty says Hello

If I'm counting correctly (and there's always a chance that I am), I've collected 16 cents off the sidewalk in the last week.  This is going to be veeery iiiinteresting.  Oh, I already said that.  Well, you know, it'll be something to read about when you're bored.

Stay tuned.

Hugs,
Giselle

The Feminist Porn Conference: Call for Papers

I saw this tweeted by Tristan Taormino, and I'm passing it along because a) there's an affiliation with my Alma Mater and b) Tristan Taormino is a superhero.  The following is taken with permission from http://thefeministpornbook.com/2012/11/14/hello-world/:

We are pleased to announce a Call for Papers and Presentations for The Feminist Porn Conference


About The Conference

The Feminist Porn Conference will be held on Saturday, April 6, 2013 at the University of Toronto as part of the 2013 Feminist Porn Awards. Feminists have been debating, studying, and creating pornography for decades, and the transformation of feminism, sexual politics, porn, and popular culture over the last decade has broadened the dialogue on this provocative topic. With the resurgence of anti-pornography feminist scholarship by Sheila Jeffries, Gail Dines, Pamela Paul, Robert Jensen, and others, the time has come to hear from progressive, anti-censorship, sex positive, and sex worker feminist voices.

This one day conference will bring together academics, cultural critics, sex workers, activists, fans, and producers to explore the intersections between feminism and pornography as well as the emergence of feminist porn as a genre, industry, and movement. It will be a part of The Good for Her Feminist Porn Awards, one of the largest gatherings of feminist pornographers in the world. We seek to raise awareness, pose critical questions, and incite dialogue about the shifting landscape of pornography and what roles we can play in it.

How has a new generation of people in the porn industry–who openly identify as feminist and own their own companies, direct and produce their own material, and/or take on politicized identities as sex worker performers–changed the way porn in produced and consumed? What does it mean to be a feminist who performs in, makes, distributes, and/or consumes porn? Are women and feminists working within or against the status quo? How have representations of the female body, gender, and sexuality shifted as a result of feminists and women making porn? How are marginalized women—including women of color, queer and trans women, disabled women, lower and working class women, fat women, and older women—imagined, represented, or marginalized in pornography? How are femininities and masculinities re-imagined in feminist porn? How do performers of color and minority performers address misogyny, racism, and inequality as workers in a predominantly white, male-dominated industry?

Call for Papers and Presentations
Deadline January 4, 2013
We welcome academics, scholars, researchers, students, activists, past and present sex workers, and others to submit proposals to present at the conference. We welcome scholars from different disciplines (including feminist studies, gender and sexuality studies, ethnic studies, film and media studies, sociology, and history). We are seeking proposals for individual papers, panels, or workshops on these broad themes investigated within the context of race, class, gender, and sexuality:

• historical studies of pornography
• the anti-porn feminist resurgence
• representations of female pleasure and desire
• concepts of desire, authenticity, and fantasy
• LGBT, queer, genderqueer, and transgender pornographies
• BDSM, fetish, kink, and rough sex on film
• porn, sex work, labor rights, and equality
• HIV/AIDS, STIs, and safer sex
• the politics of porn
• DIY pornographies, new technologies, internet economies
• watching porn: viewership and fandom
• constructions of ability, beauty, desirability, and body size
• sex education in porn
• feminist porn as genre, industry, or movement
• practical, how-to workshops for performers, directors, and producers

Guidelines for Submission
Individual Papers: Submit an abstract of 350 words, a short bio, and contact information.
Panels: Panel coordinators should submit a 200-word rationale for the panel as whole. For each contributor, please submit a short bio and contact information. Panels should have three to four presenters and a moderator.
Workshops: Submit a workshop description, format, goals, presenter’s bio, and contact information.
Send proposals to: feministpornstudies at gmail.com, Subject Line: FP Conference

A FREE READ is always the answer...

All week, I've been stressing about what I would write today for Transgender Day of Remembrance.  Sometimes I just feel totally impotent when it comes to communicating the social challenges and actual physical dangers faced by trans people.

If you come here often, you know my girlfriend is trans.  We're kind of in the same blessed boat, though. We're really, really lucky--both of us.  I can't remember any major hate being thrown at me for being queer.  In my family, my sister's vegetarianism is miles more controversial than my queerness.  Nobody gives two fucks that my primary attraction is to women.

I've mentioned before that my Sweet isn't out with her family because she perceives that they would hate her forever, but that's not at all the reaction she's had from other people--inside and out of the LGBT population.  I don't want to downplay the mean-spirited remarks a few people have made to her, but I will point out that they are few and far between.  Like, you can count them on one hand.

This is not the case for many trans women. Not at all, at all, at all.  Trans women face harrassement and danger just walking down the street.  And I'm not talking about "other people in other places."  I'm talking even here in Toronto.  There's a term, "Walking While Trans"--police think they're entitled to stop you if they pick you out of the crowd as a trans woman.  Because if you're a trans woman, you are therefore a dirty, dirty whore and you deserve to be given a hard time.

Yeah.

And until more of the population wakes up to the fact that trans people are PEOPLE (just like...people!), we're just going to continue ignoring the all-too-frequent suicides and murders of folks who are trans and genderqueer.  Christ, we value animals over trans women.  Not that we shouldn't value animals--you know I'm a crazy cat lady--but I just don't understand how we can so wretchedly devalue human lives if they belong to people whose gender identity is deemed unnatural or dangerous or fucked, or whatever hateful rhetoric Sun Media and all those dicks are spewing these days.

Ugh... okay, I'm getting so mad I'm becoming incoherent, so let's move on.

Today, in honour of Transgender Day of Remembrance, I'm offering my ebook Future Histories: Transgender Sci-Fi Erotica for FREE at All Romance Ebooks (btw, I know the word "transgenderED" is plastered all over that book and all I can say while remaining diplomatic to the powers that be is that I didn't put it there. Sorry!  Not my fault!)

Future Histories is a mini-anthology of 3 short stories featuring near-future transgender characters.  After everything I've written above, it might seem incongruous that 2 of those 3 stories feature sex workers, but... well, read the stories and make your own decisions about whether or not these characters represent heartfelt portrayals of genuine people. 

After all, just for today, it's free:

https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-futurehistoriestransgenderedscifierotica-520325-143.html

Hugs,
Giselle

The Year of No Christmas

I want to talk about food banks.

This year, my siblings decided they didn't want to exchange Christmas gifts.  They figured they had everything they needed, and they didn't want any more stuff.  Well, by the time they told me this I'd already decided that I was going to ask my family to make donations to local food banks rather than giving me gifts.

So here's what I pitched: why don't we exhange non-perishables on Christmas morning?  That way we still get to carry out our traditions of gathering around the tree and showing that we were thinking of one another, but in the end we will donate everything to food banks.

Would you believe that everyone was on board except my mother?  She's supposed to be the adult (not that we "kids" aren't all adults too), but you'd think she'd be mature and proud of her children.  Nope.  She's disappointed.  She's complaining that we're not celebrating Christmas properly.

Too bad.

People in this city NEED food.  My family doesn't NEED knick-knacks and Christmas crap.  Mom, I love you, but get real.  (I'm going to get some angry be-nice-to-your-mother emails, aren't I?)

I've got food banks on the brain, so I've been doing a lot of research into local organizations and I want to share some info with you.  Let's start with what to give, shall we?  If you're with me and you want to GIVE this holiday season (or any season), here are some suggested food donations from a Toronto organization called North York Harvest Food Bank:

Toronto is one of the most diverse cities in the world and people’s food needs are just as diverse. Think about variety when you donate and consider giving food that you enjoy eating at home. Below are some suggested food giving ideas.

Food ideas:

• Grains – rice (white and brown), flour & whole grains (wheat, barley, bulgur), quinoa, pasta
• Canned fish and meat – salmon, tuna, sardines, corned beef, chicken and other non-pork products
• Canned or dried beans – chickpeas, kidney beans, lentils
• Cooking oil – canola oil, olive oil
• Canned fruit – peaches, pears, pineapple (packed in juice and water instead of syrup)
• Canned vegetables – corn, green beans, broccoli, mushrooms, carrots, water chestnuts, cabbage, sweet potato
• Fruit juice – 100% juice
• Cereals – High fibre, whole grain or multi-grain cereals, oatmeal
• Healthy snacks and spreads – peanut butter, almond butter, unsalted nuts, low fat popcorn, low fat granola bars or cereal bars, crackers, cookies (arrowroot, digestive, oatmeal)
• Baby products – formula, infant cereals, baby food, diapers
• Canned or powdered milk
• Spices and seasonings – turmeric, mustard seed, chilli powder, curry paste, sauces and marinades

The point I particularly love and live by is "consider giving food that you enjoy eating at home."  I buy for food banks while I'm doing my personal grocery shopping.  Basically, I do a "one for me, one for you" sort of thing.

I think one huge gap that prevents a lot of people from donating to food banks and other organizations is a belief that the people accessing these resources are somehow... "other."  They're different.  They're poor.  And why are they poor?  Because they're LAZY.  If they'd only get off their asses and get a goddamn JOB, then they wouldn't be asking for a handout, now would they?

I've heard stats about how many people carry these specific beliefs, and they're staggering.

Today, I might not need to access a food banks... well, okay, I'm not be the best example since I already live below the poverty line... so let's use YOU as an example.  Today YOU might not need to access a food bank, but unless you've got psychic insights you can't be entirely sure what your life will look like a year from now.  And, a year from now, if you were in a situation where you couldn't afford to feed yourself or your children, your elderly parents, other dependents, what would you hope for?

Hunger Statistics from Daily Bread Food Bank, Toronto:

I remember being a kid.  Barely.  But it's still there.  And one thing I remember very specifically was the shabbiness of my school lunches compared with those of my classmates.  Maybe all kids feel that way, but I know first-hand that hungry kids are desperately jealous of their well-fed friends.  That's part of my lived experience.  And that's why I like to donate nourishing foods that kids would be excited to bring to school.

Get thinking.  Get excited.  I am.

This Christmas is going to be GREAT, regardless of what my mother says.

For a closer look at the face of hunger in Toronto, I highly recommend the Who's Hungry Report 2012: http://www.dailybread.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/WhosHungryReport2012LowRes.pdf

If you want to find out about hunger in your area and how you can help, do a quick google search.

Do it now.

Hugs,
Giselle