Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Is My Girlfriend A Sex Dream Psychic?

I'm convinced my girlfriend knows when I'm about to cheat on her in my sleep.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. Sweet knew she'd be working in the city in the morning, so we had plans to go out for a late lunch and then back to my place for..."dessert" as they say.

Now, one thing you should know about me is that I keep very odd hours. I don't usually go to bed until 4 in the morning at the earliest, and I'll often sleep until noon. Bad, bad habit, but my body seems to like it.

Of course, my girlfriend knows what I'm like and was smart enough to give me a wake-up call. Here's what she interrupted:

I'm some kind of CSI-type investigator person and I'm working alongside the Spanish dude from Without a Trace (I don't remember his name). We're smooshed into a car as we check out some evidence inside it. Cramped quarters. Bodies pressed tight together, shoulder to shoulder. We're discussing the case but the sexual tension is out of this world. We turn our heads and I know it, I can feel it...we're about to kiss...

Ring ring ring ring ring!

God damn it! The phone was ringing and I had to toss off the covers and stumble to the cordless on my desk and grumble, "Hello?"

"Just wanted to make sure you're awake," she said in that super-sweet voice of hers. It was almost like she knew what she was doing. "Don't forget lunch, okay?"

Hearing Sweet's voice always makes me instantly happy, but I was still a little curious how that dream would play out. So I didn't get up. I went back to bed. I dreamed, but it was a different dream this time:

There's a girl. I don't know who she is, but she's hot: darkish skin, darkish hair, jeans and a black tank top...and massive breasts. She's in my apartment, for some reason, in the kitchen with me and she's talking about her long distance relationship, but I'm so focused on those gorgeous tits that I'm not really paying attention. I cling to her like a koala bear, wrapping my arms around her neck and my legs around her waist. She carries me over to the couch and I nuzzle my face into the curve of her neck. What would she do if I copped a feel? I think she'd be okay with it, but I'm super-nervous. I'm going to do it. I'm going to touch them. I'm just going to run my hand down her chest and...

Ring ring ring ring ring!

Oh, you have got to be kidding me! I fell out of bed, hobbled across the bedroom, and grabbed the phone. "Hello?"

"Did you go back to sleep?"


Sweet knows me far too well. "Get up. Get dressed."

So I did. Bed was tempting, but I didn't go back. As I got ready to leave the house, I kept puzzling over the impeccable timing of those two phone calls. I mean, they were spot on. Both times, she called at precisely the moment I was going to start up with somebody that wasn't her. At lunch, I told her the whole story. She claims she had no idea, but I've got to wonder. Can such uncanny timing really be coincidental, or is my girlfriend a secret sex dream psychic?



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