Okay, So Here's What We Need To Do...

Inspiring.

Smashwords' Response to PayPal Backlash Against Taboo Erotica

I know a lot of writers, and probably some readers, have been asking where they can read the email Smashwords founder Mark Coker sent out to Smashwords authors in response to the recent PayPal debacle, so I'm posting it here:

On Saturday, February 18, PayPal’s enforcement division contacted Smashwords with an ultimatum. As with the other ebook retailers affected by this enforcement, PayPal gave us only a few days to achieve compliance otherwise they threatened to deactivate our PayPal services. I’ve had multiple conversations with PayPal over the last several days to better understand their requirements. Their team has been helpful, forthcoming and supportive of the Smashwords mission. I appreciate their willingness to engage in dialogue. Although they have tried their best to delineate their policies, gray areas remain.

Their hot buttons are bestiality, rape-for-titillation, incest and underage erotica.

The underage erotica is not a problem for us. We already have some of the industry’s strictest policies prohibiting underage characters (we don’t even allow non-participating minors to appear in erotica), and our vetting team is always on the lookout for “barely legal” content where supposed adults are placed in underage situations.

The other three areas of bestiality, rape and incest were less well-defined in our Terms of Service (https://www.smashwords.com/about/tos) before today. I’ll tackle these one-by-one below, and I’ll provide you a summary of the changes that will go into effect immediately.

*Incest:* Until now, we didn’t have a policy prohibiting incest between consenting adults, or its non-biological variation commonly known as “Pseudo-incest.” Neither did our retailer partners. We’ve noticed a surge of PI books over the last few months, and many of them have “Daddy” in the title. I wouldn’t be surprised if the surge in “Daddy” titles prompted PayPal to pursue this purge (I don’t know). PI usually explores sexual relations between consenting adult stepchildren with their step parents, or between step-siblings. Effectively immediately, we no longer allow incest of any variety in erotica.

Like many writers, censorship of any form greatly concerns me. It is with some reluctance that I have made the decision to prohibit incest-themed erotica at Smashwords. Regardless of your opinion on incest, it’s a slippery slope when we allow others to control what we think and write. Fiction is fantasy. It’s not real. It unfolds in our imagination. I’ve always believed fiction writers and readers should have the freedom to explore diverse topics and situations in the privacy of their own mind. From an imagination perspective, erotica is little different from a literary novel that puts us inside the mind of farm animals (1984), or a thriller novel that puts us inside the mind of a terrorist, or a horror novel that puts us inside the mind of an axe-murderer or their victim. All fiction takes us somewhere. We read fiction to be moved, and to feel. Sometimes we want to feel touched, moved, or disturbed. A reader should have the right to feel moved however they desire to be moved.

Incest, however, carries thorny baggage. The legality of incest is murky. It creates a potential legal liability for Smashwords as our business and our books become more present in more jurisdictions around the world. Anything that threatens Smashwords directly threatens our ability to serve the greater interests of all Smashwords authors, publishers, retailers and customers who rely upon us as the world’s leading distributor of indie ebooks. The business considerations compel me to not fall on the sword for incest. I realize this is an imperfect decision. The slippery slope is dangerous, but I believe this imperfect decision is in the best interest of the community we serve.

*Bestiality:* Until now, we didn’t have a stated policy regarding bestiality. I like animals. Call me old fashioned or hypocritical (I’m not a vegetarian), but I don’t want to be a party to anyone enjoying animals for sexual gratification, for the same reason we’ve never allowed pedophilia books. I don’t want to publish it, sell it, or distribute it. The TOS is now modified to reflect this. Note this does not apply to shape-shifters common in paranormal romance provided the were-creature characters are getting it on in their human form. Sorry I need to clarify it that way, but we don’t want to see bestiality erotica masquerading as paranormal romance.

*Rape:* Although our Terms of Service prohibits books that advocate violence against others, we did not specifically identify rape. This was an oversight on our part. Now we have clarified the policy. We do not want books that contain rape for the purpose of titillation. At Smashwords, rape has no longer has a place in erotica. It has no place anywhere else if the purpose is to titillate. Non-consensual BDSM – or any other form of non-consensual violence against another person – is prohibited.

*NEXT STEPS:* If you have titles at Smashwords that are now expressly forbidden, by the end of day Monday (Feb 27), please click to your Dashboard at https://www.smashwords.com/dashboard and click UNPUBLISH then click ARCHIVE. This will also cause our automated systems to remove the titles from retail distribution.

DO NOT try to hide or obfuscate violating content by changing book titles, book descriptions and tags. If we discover such shenanigans, said authors/publishers will risk account deletion and forfeiture of any accrued earnings, per our Terms of Service.

We take violations of the TOS seriously, because such violations jeopardize the opportunities for your fellow authors.

We do not want to see PayPal clamp down further against erotica. We think our authors should be allowed to publish erotica. Erotica, despite the attacks it faces from moralists, is a category worthy of protection. Erotica allows readers to safely explore aspects of sexuality that they might never want to explore in the real world.

The moralists forget that we humans are all sexual creatures, and the biggest sex organ is the brain. If it were not the case, none of us would be here. Erotica authors are facing discrimination, plain and simple. Topics that are perfectly acceptable in mainstream fiction are verboten in erotica. That’s not fair. Our decisions today are imperfect. Please, act responsibly, don’t try to game the system or publish content that pushes the limits of legality. Help us continue to help indie authors around the world to continue to publish and distribute with freedom.

*THINGS TO AVOID:* Avoid using words such as ‘bestiality,’ ‘rape,’ ‘incest,’ ‘underage,’ or ‘barely legal’ in book titles, book descriptions or keyword tags, otherwise Smashwords may conclude you’re violating the Terms of Service, or trying to push the limits. If you’re writing non-erotic works, and any of these words are necessary, then you’re okay.

On Tuesday (Feb 28) we will begin removing content that we deem in violation. When we remove a title, you will receive an email notifying you of such, and that email will append this letter along with instructions on how to notify us if we made an error. I promise you, we will make mistakes, so please work with us, take a deep breath and honor us with your patience.

If you believe we removed something in error, please click “Comments/questions,” mention the title we removed, provide the hyperlink to said title, and provide your *calm* reasoning for why we should reconsider.

Our support team is backlogged, so it may take several days for them to respond. As we mention in the Terms of Service, we reserve the right to remove anything for any reason. That said, we will also try to make our decisions with care and prudence.

You might wonder if Smashwords should simply switch to a different payment provider. It’s not so easy. PayPal is designed into the wiring of the Smashwords platform. They run the credit card processing for our retail store, and they’re how we pay our authors and publishers. PayPal is also an extremely popular, trusted payment option for our customers. It is not feasible for us to simply switch to another provider, should such a suitable provider even exist, especially with so few days notice.

Please note our Terms of Service is subject to additional modifications as we work to bring Smashwords into compliance with PayPal requirements. Let’s hope today’s actions mark the limit of the slippery slope.

Significant gray area remain. Erotica is still permitted, though if authors try to push the limits of what’s permitted, we risk further clamping down. Please be responsible. Don’t go there. If you’re going to push the limits, push the limits of great writing, not the limits of legality.

Thank you for assisting our compliance efforts on such short notice. We know these decisions will be upsetting to some of our authors and publishers, and for that we apologize. We do believe, however, that these decisions will place us on a stronger footing to represent the best interests all indie authors and publishers from here forward.

Best wishes,

Mark Coker Founder Smashwords

P.S. Please contact our support team for inquiries regarding this change in our Terms of Service by clicking the “comments/questions” link at the top of any page at Smashwords. If your inquiry regards a specific title, please include the hyperlink to the book page of that specific title.

This Girl Really Listens

Nearly four years into our relationship, my girlfriend and I still go on dates. Big dates, little dates, fancy dates, simple dates... it's wonderful.

Today was a donut date. Très cas(ual).

So, my Sweet and I were sitting there in Tim Hortons, drinking our coffees and eating our pastries, and she started talking about my work--writing, that is. I'm a full-time writer. Writing devours my days, and sometimes I feel like a really tedious partner because I talk about my projects ad nauseam.

But today it wasn't me talking about my books, it was Sweet excitedly discussing my projects, using industry jargon, offering advice and opinions and help... and that's when I thought to myself, "Wow! This girl really listens."

I guess I'm used to everybody else in my life not listening and not caring, especially when it comes to the publishing industry and my little plot therein. My family is terrible when it comes to listening. If I start talking about current writing projects, they change the subject. It gets me feeling like nobody cares, or they have some moral objection to my career, or they think it's icky.

My mother is the worst.

Yeah, yeah, everybody blames moms for everything, but if you've ever read Only Angels or Wonderful Wing Boys, my character Deb who won't take her eyes off her BlackBerry? That's my mom.

Yes, Deb is based on my mother. Yes, that's weird. Yes, I know. Let's not get too Freudian about it.

The point is, every time I call my mother (I always phone her house number) I hear her attention shift away from me, and I know where it's gone. I ask her, "Are you texting?" and the answer is always yes--unless she's sending an email. Either way, it's always BlackBerry-related. She's like a 60-year-old teenager. It's ridiculous.

So that's what I'm dealing with when I try to have conversations with my family. And that's why it's so refreshing to hear my girlfriend using industry terms she only knows because she's heard me using them. When I mention the name of another author or one of my editors or publishers, Sweet knows who I'm talking about. We have real, deep conversations because when I talk, she listens.

She listens!

Maybe I had seriously low expectations before this relationship, I don't know, but I guess I've always expected my words to float into the ether after they've left my mouth. I'm still getting used to this idea that I say things and she acknowledges them, and contributes thoughts of her own. It's pretty kick-ass.

But when she talks, do I listen? Hmm... if you asked the Magic 8-Ball, it just might tell you to concentrate and ask again.

Hugs,

Giselle

Giselle's Savoury Pancake Day Recipe

Mmm.... pancakes.

For dinner this evening, I whipped up a batch of delicious savoury pancakes and they were so super-yummy I'm sharing my makeshift recipe with you. It's never too late for pancakes.

A lot of recipes I see online start with photos, so here is a picture of what Giselle's Savoury Pancake Day Pancakes look like when you're done (eating):

I probably should have taken the picture before I started eating... but now I know for next time.

Giselle's Savoury Pancake Day Pancakes

Ingredients:

Dry~

1 cup flour

2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

fresh cracked pepper to taste (I used A LOT because I love pepper)

Wet~

1 cup milk

1 egg

2 tbsp oil (I used olive oil) + more oil for frying (again, I used olive)

AND grated cheese to taste (I used probably more than a cup, and a combination of old cheddar and havarti but, again, I love cheese. You use what you want.)

Instructions:

1. Combine dry ingredients and add wet

2. Mix until your batter isn't lumpy

3. Fold in your cheese(s)

4. Panfry in oil at medium or low-med heat, turning once.

(Note: If you choose to fry in olive oil, take care. Olive oil can be fussy and it'll burn at high temperatures. I use it for pancakes (and grilled cheese and pretty much everything else) because it creates an incomparable crispiness and I love the taste.)

5. For the love of god, don't burn anything! (including yourself)

6. Eat and enjoy.

Woo! There you have it. I should write a cookbook.

Hugs,

Giselle

--
Giselle Renarde

Canada just got hotter!

Visit me online
http://donutsdesires.blogspot.com
http://www.wix.com/gisellerenarde/erotica
http://twitter.com/GiselleRenarde

My Family Day Wish Come True

Over the past couple years, "family" has increasingly become a trigger word for me. "Family values," "traditional family," "protection of the family unit," and on and on, you get the point: often when the word "family" enters a conversation (especially on a political level) it's for the purpose of condemning us evil queers who plan to eat/convert/satanify nice conservative babies.

It's getting to the point where I hear the word "family" (especially in the context of political discourse) and my stomach drops into my shoes. So when our government created a holiday called "Family Day" in certain provinces (Ontario among them) it kind of made me feel icky. Because... what do they mean by "family"? Whose family? What kind of family? Only the right kind of family?

Last year I wrote about the chosen family. This year I asked myself what I should write about, but myself didn't have any good ideas, so I asked Google instead.

I soon stumbled across a website called http://www.familydaytoronto.org/ and the minute I saw rainbows on that homepage I got excited.

They have a photo gallery, so I clicked on it and, of course, spent an hour looking at pictures people around the city have submitted along with accompanying stories:

http://familydaytoronto.onlinegalleries.com.au/#/gallery/1/30

What I found so engaging about this little gallery was that it covered such an expansive breadth of family types, and represented the true diversity of Toronto. There are lots of LGBTQ families. There are lots of newcomers to Canada, big families and small families, blood relatives and chosen families.

And that little gallery answered my secret family day wish. I was so afraid this invented holiday would be overtaken by queer-bashing conservative nut jobs, and I guess there's still time for that to happen (le sigh) but for now I'm inspired. I'm inspired to warm up to "family" because, as much as the word has been co-opted for use against queer people, the fact remains that family is... important. Essential. We all need that closeness and security and love.

We ALL do.

Happy Family Day.

Hugs,

Giselle

--

Giselle Renarde

Canada just got hotter!

Visit me online
http://donutsdesires.blogspot.com
http://www.wix.com/gisellerenarde/erotica
http://twitter.com/GiselleRenarde

She's Done It Again!

I am lucky beyond words to have Dawné Dominique designing my loveyoudivine covers. She's an award-winning cover artist, and it's not hard to see why. All the designs she produces for my books, whether they're ebooks or print, are just phenomenal.

Today she sent me this cover for my upcoming release, Licorne. Oh, for those who have been wondering when a new work of Giselle Renarde trans fiction might be coming out, the answer is SOON.

Licorne, a trans lesbian erotic romance about a unicorn and the woman she loves, has been percolating for a while. To me, unicorns have a natural transness to them, and when my characters finally have an opportunity to be embodied as humans together, that transformation brings Licorne's transness straight to the fore. (Also, I'm sure you're wondering about this, so I'm just going to come right out and say that nobody gets fucked with a horn. LOL)

Licorne is coming soon to loveyoudivine's Transfix line. A lot of my work's already there, so feel free to have a browse.

Hugs,

Giselle

--
Giselle Renarde

Canada just got hotter!

Visit me online
http://donutsdesires.blogspot.com
http://www.wix.com/gisellerenarde/erotica
http://twitter.com/GiselleRenarde

Call For Submissions: Queerteen

One of these days I will be ALL OVER this. When I was a teenager, especially when I was in middle school (so that's, what, ages 12-14?) I was constantly searching for books where young women knew they were "different" the way I knew I was different, and where characters weren't boy-crazy and were just... well, a little more like me.

So maybe I should write some of that for the mes of today. And maybe I should submit it to Queerteen:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

**PERMISSION TO FORWARD GRANTED **

JMS Books LLC is pleased to announce its GLBT Young Adult imprint, Queerteen Press.

Queerteen Press publishes YA titles appealing to queer teens as well as their parents, teachers, and librarians. Books are available in electronic and print formats. A handful of titles are already available through QT Press, with several more scheduled for release in the early part of 2012.

We accept short stories, collections, and novel-length books in all genres of queer, literary, and genre fiction suitable for a young adult audience. This means books whose main characters are between the ages of 12 and 21.

Submission Policy:

* Electronic unsolicited submissions are accepted at any time.

* We do not accept multiple or simultaneous submissions.

* Submissions should include a QUERY LETTER, full SYNOPSIS, and 2,000 word EXCERPT in RTF format.

* Submissions are acknowledged within 2 business days.

* If we like your submission, we will request a copy of the full manuscript for review. Manuscripts must be in electronic format only. The review time is between 1-3 weeks. Contract terms:

* Authors earn 50% net royalties on all sales (e-book and paperback) from all distributors.

* Contracts are for a period of 2 years and auto-renew annually.

* We require exclusive electronic and print rights, but can negotiate if the story has been published in an anthology or collection. Full submission guidelines are available on our website at http://www.queerteen-press.com/index.php?main_page=page_2

J.M. Snyder

Queerteen Press

YA Imprint of JMS Books LLC

http://queerteen-press.com

MP's Response to Discrimination Against Trans People

A couple weeks ago, I tweeted about this story, which calls attention to an unbelievable section within Canada's Ministry of Transportation's Identity Screening Regulations that reads as follows:

5.2 (1) An air carrier shall not transport a passenger if …
(c) the passenger does not appear to be of the gender indicated on the identification he or she presents;

As a queer woman and partner of a trans woman, it really scares me that these regulations are in effect. I'm not okay with trans people being denied the ability to board a flight in Canada, so in addition to signing the petition that was circulating at the time I also wrote to my Liberal Member of Parliament. Despite a cacophony of voices wanting to be heard, she got back to me in good time.

I share her response here:

Thank you for contacting me regarding the Ministry of Transportation’s Identity Screening Regulations, which prohibit airlines from allowing a person to board an airplane in Canada if their appearance does not match the gender on their identification. This could, as you rightly mention, lead to transgender people being banned from boarding airplanes in Canada.

This new rule is extremely alarming to me and my Liberal colleagues, and MP Justin Trudeau raised it in the House of Commons during Question Period on February 1, 2012. I am sure you will agree that the Minister’s reply was not sufficient or acceptable. Here is a transcript of the exchange:

Mr. Justin Trudeau (Papineau, Lib.):

Mr. Speaker, since the election, this government's lack of tolerance for our minorities has grown. A new rule prohibits airlines from allowing a person to board a plane if their appearance does not match the gender on their identification, unless they have a medical certificate. This is a direct affront to the transsexual and transgendered community, which is outraged by this minister who has introduced discrimination under the guise of security.

Why is this government obsessed with the gender of an individual, when it is their identity that matters?

Hon. Denis Lebel (Minister of Transport, Infrastructure and Communities and Minister of the Economic Development Agency of Canada for the Regions of Quebec, CPC):

Mr. Speaker, as I stated earlier, the security of Canada's airports is extremely important to our government. We believe that it is standard procedure for every individual who wishes to board a plane to be identified by the people at security screening. Since September 11, many screening measures have been improved, and I believe that it is normal for people checking the identification of those boarding the plane to be able to recognize them. We do not believe in half measures when it comes to air security. That is very important.

Thank you again for writing. Please rest assured that we will continue to raise this issue in the Commons and elsewhere.

***

If you're Canadian and you care about this (or any) issue, make your voice heard. We're stronger together.

Hugs,

Giselle

Can I Ask You A Question?

Hey Everybody,

I might have mentioned I'm going back to my roots this year and writing the kind of erotica I like rather than writing what the market demands. My first love is lesbian kink, so that's my focus. Yes, I'm still writing other stuff and meeting calls for submission, but my primary attraction is to women and my favourite genre in the erotic sphere is lesbian erotica, so... I'm ba-a-a-ack!

And I have a question.

It's pretty easy to answer.

Recently, I wrote what is undoubtedly the smuttiest story I've ever produced. It's called "Nanny State" and it'll be published by eXcessica at the very end of March 2012. I'm really excited about this one. It's got so much going for it, smut-wise: age play, lesbian threesomes, breast worship, spankings, discipline, and even some that's not for the faint of heart.

I'm making the cover myself, and I was super-pleased with the first one I came up with until I revisited it and found the "Princeton Lettering" font I'd been looking for to begin with. Now I've got two options and I'm torn between them.

Can you help me out? I've posted a little poll widget in the sidebar (over there =>) near the top, right underneath the "someone I [heart] is trans" button. I would appreciate it like crazy if you could take a look and vote on which you like best.

Thank you in advance! Here are the covers:

Nanny State Cover #1

Nanny State Cover #2

So which do you like best? Vote at the side. If you have any suggestions, feel free to comment. I'm not a pro with the software, but I do what I can.

Thanks again!

Hugs,

Giselle

--

Giselle Renarde

Canada just got hotter!

Visit me online

http://donutsdesires.blogspot.com

http://www.wix.com/gisellerenarde/erotica

http://twitter.com/GiselleRenarde

It's the "With Love" Valentine's Day Blog Hop

One day I'll get this right.

I try, I really do.

Until I met my Sweet, I was never much of a romantic. I thought Valentine's Day was hyper-commercialist bullpoopy--which, realistically, it is--but now that I have this wonderful girl to spoil, I actually REALLY enjoy it.

I LOVE giving my girlfriend presents, especially jewelry. But at my core, I'm still the same kid who used to make my mom bead necklaces for her birthday. To me, the best gifts are those that represent time and identity. I like stuff that's unique, and the best way to secure a one-of-a-kind gift is to make it yourself.

Right...?

Maybe I just really suck at making jewelry, but to this day I've never seen my girl wear anything I've crafted for her. I try to make stuff that reflects her taste, but I don't know if I've succeeded. I've bought her three rings in the time we've been together (mainly because I have no idea how to make a ring LOL), and she wears them all the time. There's one she wears every single day. The store-bought jewelry, she wears.

But I'm not giving up, not yet. I went to my local bead store, picked up some awesomeness, and made Sweet a bracelet. It looks SUPER cool. Did I get it right? Will she like it? Will she wear it?

Only time will tell. But seriously--cross your fingers for me, because I don't have a great track record with this stuff. LOL

Thankfully, my track record with writing is a lot better. And, just in time for V-day, I've got a new ebook on the market--a reissue, actually, of a work originally published as All in a Valentine Day's Work. It's back as GOOD BI VALENTINE, available pretty much anywhere you'd want to buy an ebook:

Good Bi Valentine

By: Giselle Renarde
Published By: Excessica Publishing

Spend Valentine's Day with Lexi the Sexi Superintendent and her apartment building full of very naughty tenants.

Lexi the Sexi building superintendent (okay, assistant super) thinks she's taking Valentine's Day by storm. She doesn't do "romance" or "relationships." Casual sex with attractive tenants is more her style. After an exhausting porn-watching session with a cute guy in the building, the beautiful Mrs Suraj won't release her until those rusty pipes are fixed. The sexy super comes home to a pussycat pair of college friends desperate for someone to help them out with their Valentine gift to each other: homemade porn!

WARNINGS: This title contains m/f and f/f sex, mild BDSM, and graphic descriptions of cheesy 1980’s porn, including but not limited to fluorescent and animal print bikinis. Originally published as ‘All in a Valentine Day’s Work.’

To read an excerpt or get your copy of GOOD BI VALENTINE for only $1.99, visit such e-tailers as:

eXcessica Publishing: http://www.excessica.com/books/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=20&products_id=527

All Romance ebooks: http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-goodbivalentine-679855-144.html

1PFR: http://1placeforromance.com/multiple-partners/good-bi-valentine/prod_6870.html

Bookstrand: http://www.bookstrand.com/good-bi-valentine

Rainbow Ebooks: http://www.rainbowebooks.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=6048

Now, this is the part where you're asking "What can I win?" This is a blog hop, after all!

Well, since I'm busy promoting Good Bi Valentine, a bisexual title, why don't I give you the gift of some other bi books I've written? I'll be giving away 10 books, 1 to each of 10 winners, and I'll draw those winners after the blog hop is over (Feb 14, 2012 at midnight). You have the opportunity to win:

Wonderful Wing Boys
Ondine
The Birthday Gift
Friends of Dorothy
Future Histories: Transgender Sci-Fi Erotica
All The Way
Secret Confessions: 36 Erotic Encounters

I don't like forcing readers to post their email addresses online, so instead I use surveymonkey to collect your address and which book you'd like to win. Here's the survey link:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/YWGSQFW

Good luck, everybody! And there are TONS of other prizes you can win from other authors, so check out The Blog Hop Spot!
Hugs,
Giselle

--

Giselle Renarde
Canada just got hotter!

Visit me online
http://donutsdesires.blogspot.com
http://www.wix.com/gisellerenarde/erotica
http://twitter.com/GiselleRenarde

What Are You Doing To My Mom?!?!?

I'm not generally one to over-punctuated, but I've got a cat story that's just begging for a long line of exclamation and question marks. It's a cat story, but it's actually a sex story too. Don't worry--it's not gross.

Okay, so my sweetheart and I were getting it on today and I tend to be pretty noisy in bed, but today I was SUPER loud. Not just "Oh yeah baby," but actually screaming. It was awesome. Good times.

I guess I closed my eyes for a while, because suddenly I wasn't the only one screaming. There were two sets of screams, and I knew the others didn't belong to Sweet, because she's not much of a screamer.

It was the cat. You know I have cats, right? So, it was Mr. Majestic cat, the regal cat, the cat who owns this aparment and everyone in it. He was SCREAMING at us. I've never heard him make a noise like this before. It wasn't exactly a scream, I guess, and it wasn't a growl or a hiss. It was actually more of a moaning meow-bark. It was kind of a cat-fight noise, come to think of it. He kept running down the bed and yelling at Sweet, then running up the bed and screaming at me.

Now, I don't claim to speak cat, but my rough interpretation was something along the lines of:

To Sweet: "What are you doing to my mom?!?!?!"
To Me: "Why are you screaming like that?!?!?!"
To Sweet: "You're hurting her! Unless... oh, don't tell me she loves you! Impossible!"
To Me: "I thought you loved ME! How dare you toy with my tender feline emotions?"

Something like that. Cats are pretty egocentric, so I think that's what he was saying.

Of course, I started laughing because... well, it was just hilarious. But regal kitty cats don't appreciate being laughed at, so he started head-butting my girlfriend at that point, just hurling himself at her, making that weird moaning cat scream the whole time, like "Get off her! She's mine. She's MINE!!!"

Nobody, cat or human, has ever expressed that kind of jealousy or possessiveness of me. Nobody's ever tried to beat up my girlfriend, and certainly not while we were in bed together. If it had been a human doing all this, it would have been frightening I suppose, but because it was a cat, it was funny.

I totally lost it. I couldn't stay in the moment while my cat was cursing and crying and throwing himself at my girlfriend. I collapsed on the bed, laughing hysterically, so I guess ultimately the cat got what he wanted... because I stopped screaming.

I'm trying to think up a moral to this story, otherwise it's just me telling you about my bizarre sex life. I guess the moral is that cats always get their way. Wouldn't you agree?

Hugs,
Giselle
--
Giselle Renarde Canada just got hotter!

Visit me online
http://donutsdesires.blogspot.com
http://www.wix.com/gisellerenarde/erotica
http://twitter.com/GiselleRenarde