I thought that for years. I thought I was this sexy little number who wouldn't rest until she'd seduced an unwilling high school teacher, by hook or by crook.
And then I found my diary from that time of life.
What a rude awakening.
I can't believe how innocent I was, considering I was 18/19 years old when I wrote those words. For years, I thought I'd entered that "relationship" as an adult. Any time anyone suggested a man in a position of power was taking advantage of me, it made me extremely angry. Now I realize the suggestion made me so irritable because it touched a nerve, hit the nail on the head, that sort of thing.
It's impossible to put myself in 19-year-old ME's shoes. The closest I can come is to read the words I wrote at that age. And those words are pretty damning.
I don't like to think of myself as someone who was taken advantage of, particularly when I continue to enjoy writing erotic material involving older men and younger women. It's pretty fucked up.
I'm pretty fucked up.
But I don't think THIS relationship made me that way. I think it was merely a symptom.
http://likeits1999diary.blogspot.com for your reading pleasure. And my perpetual humiliation, probably.
Because Like It's 1999 is my actual diary from when I was 18/19.
It's written in short journal entries (and dreams, because my diary doubled as a dream journal) so it'll be posted that way. Each and every day, you'll be able to read a new entry. There are enough posts to take us to mid-March, so this'll be quite a journey.
Discover why my nickname in high school was Flakie. I always thought it was because I ate these mofos every day:
|Passion Flakie: the breakfast of champions|
...but after reading my teenaged journal, I'm not so sure.
p.s. you can read the introduction to Like It's 1999 right here: http://likeits1999diary.blogspot.ca/p/read-introduction.html