I Want Candy! #erotica #anthology

Let me tell you about the saddest day of my life (but not really).

My mother had an extra ticket to a Blue Jays game and she was trying to convince me to come with her. I am not a baseball fan. In fact, I find baseball intolerably boring. My mother knows this about me. That's why she tried to bribe me... with candy.

This method had worked in the past. "Come to the game. I'll buy you gummy worms!" Candy was such a desirable substance that I would sit through 14 hours of baseball just to get a taste.

Oh, and this is not a story from my childhood. I was like... 27 at the time?

I was a candy-loving grown-up.

So when the day came that I could no longer be tempted by candy, I was really quite sad. I felt like the last remaining vestiges of childhood had fallen away. I loved candy for so long... and then I didn't. The sheen wore off. I learned to love vegetables. No more candy for Giselle.

I admit, I still indulge every so often. But usually, if I want a sweet treat, I'll bake something from scratch. Like somebody's grandma. That's me.

The love of candy will forever live on in my soul. I may not have a taste for the sweet stuff in life, but in fiction? Well, just read my story, Sweet Tooth, in Rachel Kramer Bussel's new anthology Candy Lovers: Sugar Erotica.

You'll see.

If you love the sweet taste of sugar melting on your tongue, the allure of chocolate and the exciting feeling of licking a creamy ice cream cone, you'll adore Candy Lovers: Sugar Erotica. These 35 enticing stories of food play delve into the fun of popular desserts used in the most tactile, sensual ways. These men and women pursue their sexual fantasies, opening wide to indulge an offered treat or presenting their bodies to be used for sticky, arousing, totally hot carnal celebrations.

Whether whipping up the perfect confection in the kitchen, feeding a partner a sweet treat direct from your fingertips (or other body parts) or indulging all their senses in a sugar orgy, the characters in these sexy stories are sure to whet your appetite and turn you on. From couples using dessert to add even more intimacy to their relationships to new passions fueled by a shared love of the pleasures of the tongue, Candy Lovers is sure to arouse you. Edited by the award-winning Rachel Kramer Bussel, these are the perfect erotic tales to read whenever you're in the mood…with your favorite candy nearby.

Available from https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07D634BR7?tag=dondes-20

Find out more at:

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40178010-candy-lovers

https://www.facebook.com/candyloversbook

Classic Giselle: #Queer and Quirky #Erotica

For the past year or so, I've had this idea bouncing around my brain: an anthology of "Classic Giselle" erotica--stories I wrote at the very start of my career.

When I first started writing, there was only one person who believed in me: my grandma, of all people.  I love grandmas who are cool with sex stuff. I love that I've got one. I knew that, when I released my Classic Giselle anthology, it should somehow honour my grandma.

If you follow me on twitter, you probably know by now that my grandmother's been in hospital for nearly a month.

When she was admitted, she was delirious. She's got a number of infections and she's not doing great.

I don't know how things'll turn out in the end, but I decided now is the right time to honour my grandma with an anthology of classic erotica. It's actually a lot of fun. My grandma's pretty hilarious. She wouldn't want a book made in her honour to be all depressing.

So I've put together a collection of ten stories I wrote way back when, and that collection is called Classic Giselle: Queer and Quirky Erotica.

Thing is, I've also been reflecting on how much I appreciate my readers.  With Valentine's Day coming up, I figured this book would make a nice thank you gift.  So, from now until February 14 2018, the ebook is absolutely free at stores like Kobo, iTunes, Smashwords, BN and eXcitica.

After Valentine's Day, Classic Giselle will cost money. But, again in honour of my grandmother, I'll be donating all the royalties I earn from Classic Giselle throughout 2018 to the Canadian National Institute for the Blind (CNIB).

When my grandma's vision began to decrease due to macular degeneration, the CNIB was there for her every step of the way. And when I say they were there, I mean RIGHT THERE. In her house. People came in to teach her how to adapt to her changing vision.

My grandmother is now legally blind. She's always been a gadget geek, and the CNIB introduced her to accessibility technologies that have proven invaluable in navigating the world. And even tricks like how to pour yourself a glass of water when you can't see the water. Or the glass. They've done so much for her, and this is my way of acknowledging their help and care.

Classic Giselle is a double-whammy thank you. No, I'm wrong. It's a triple threat thank you. It's a thank you to readers for actually, you know, reading my words. It's a thank you to my grandma for believing in me. And it's a thank you to the CNIB for helping my grandma over the years.

It's been an exhausting couple weeks, but I'm so pleased to be able to give you this book of strange and silly stories.  Free until Valentine's Day from the following ebook stores:

Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/ebook/classic-giselle-queer-and-quirky-erotica
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/id1342513914
Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/classic-giselle-giselle-renarde/1127910589
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/786590?ref=GiselleRenardeErotica
Excitica: https://www.excitica.com/index.php/classic-giselle-queer-and-quirky-erotica.html

When We Were Jung: A Companion Piece

I wrote a really long blog post about Carl Jung and Robertson Davies's Fifth Business at three in the morning: http://ohgetagrip.blogspot.ca/2015/08/when-we-were-jung.html

While I was writing, I happened to be chatting with my girlfriend. It's kind of our thing. When I say (in the aforementioned blog post) that I'm pretty sure I've forgotten 90% of everything I've ever learned... well, here's proof:

gisellerenarde: i read the entire deptford trilogy
       and then the cornish trilogy
       i always wished robertson davies wrote more, but his books are pretty heavy
       psychologically
       i wonder if i'd like them now, if i read them again

Sweet: well you can try

gisellerenarde: sometimes your brain has to be in a certain mode to enjoy something, and i'm not sure i would appreciate the things academic me appreciated

Sweet: you never know

gisellerenarde: let's see whats on my bookshelf... the cornish trilogy, the manticore, and a book of ghost stories

Sweet: maybe you will pick up on the erotic side of his writing hahaha

gisellerenarde: i remember one scene from fifth business where the main character is in a hole with a lesbian and he shits himself
       don't ask me for context. that's all i rememeber
       it's actually a cave, not a hole

Sweet: well all a cave is is a horizontal hole ..


gisellerenarde: hahaha

Sweet: if I was in a cave with a lesbian I might do something more constructive
       if she was interested

gisellerenarde: the only other scene i remember is... the main character has a crush on this woman, Leisl, and he walks in on her making out with like a circus performer? a trapeze artist or something
       Leisl is the lesbian
       Leisl the Lesbian
       oh not making out, fingerfucking her


Sweet: thats kind of making out with getting yourself trapped in a hole with a lesbian
       horizontal of veritcal

gisellerenarde: hahaha
       so that was my takeaway from Fifth Business

Sweet: I believe you .. never having read it

gisellerenarde: actually, the cave shitting might have been in a different book. i think it was in The Manticore
       which i have on my shelf, so i could re-read it
       and the other book in that trilogy was World of Wonders, which is about a magician. i don't remember anything else about it and i don't have a copy
       that's the deptford trilogy



Sweet: again .. nver read them

gisellerenarde: in the cornish trilogy, the main character is a grad student whose mother is a gypsy. the gypsy mother is a violin conservator and part of her conservation process is to bury the violin in a hole full of shit
       i'm laughing so hard right now because i'm not making any of this up
       i just laughed so hard i cried

Sweet: it is an erotic comedy

gisellerenarde: one of the books has a breeding cuckold scene
       a character joins the gypsy daughter in bed and pretends to be her husband in order to impregnate her
       the husband had measles so he couldn't get her pregnant. i can't remember if he was in on it

Sweet: wow .. sounds like a greek comedy hahaha      



The moral of the story is: keep your brains active, young people. You don't want to turn out like me--someone who can only remember the raunchiest, most scatological snippets of her favourite trilogies. Also, if you're writing a paper, please feel free to quote me... if you want your professor to scrawl "Did you even read the book?" across your report.

A #FreeRead for you Voyeurs of my Family Life

Some of you lovely people really love my life. You love hearing about my life, I should say. I enjoy the nitty-gritty of other people's family lives, too, so I totally understand. That's why there's this:

Okay, so remember a couple weeks ago when I was out of town? "In the woods" I kept saying.  Well, I was on vacation with my mom and my siblings. Away from the internet, away from cell service, but also away from my girlfriend. Because nothing's ever complete until I've shared it with Sweet, I wrote letters home to her every day.

And when I got back I realized some of you voyeurs of my family life would probably be interested in reading them.

So I bundled them up, electronically, and published them as an odd little book called "A Week in the Woods with Family: Ramblings of an Author in Cottage Country." If my blog posts are never enough for you and you want to delve even deeper inside me (?) then this is the book for you.

Did I mention it's free?

Yeah, it is. But not for long. Now through Sunday, you can grab it for nothing at Amazon:

Amazon.com
Amazon Canada
Amazon Australia
Amazon UK

Don't delay! Read me today!

Here's the blurb (it's kind of weird trying to blurbify your summer vacation, but there it is):

What happens when five completely mature adults spend a week together at a cottage? No, it’s not the plot of a family comedy, dramedy, or reality show. It’s the situation you’ll see played out before your very eyes in “A Week in the Woods with Family.”

In this intimate portrait of real life events, celebrated author Giselle Renarde pens a fine series of letters home from the woods. Alternating between humorous, heart-wrenching, mundane, mouth-watering, board-gaming, wildlife-spotting and much more, these in-depth communications to her cat-minding sweetheart are part secret confession, part reflection on writing, part letter home from camp.

Join Giselle and her family in the woods as they take to the lake, run from friendly foxes and adjust to one another’s very special quirks. In cottage country, the dull moments are the ones to remember.

Get it from Amazon right now!

For UK Eyes Only! (Actually, Toronto People Can Read Half)

If you live in Toronto, I don't want you reading this post. Don't read it! Because when you see "Scarborough" you're going to think it's OUR Scarborough.  It's not. Smut by the Sea does NOT take place in Canada. No. It doesn't. It takes place in England--the original Scarborough.

Hey, here's a fun exercise: I'm going to see if I can dig some Scarborough history out of my brain without Googling it at all. You can tell me whether or not I'm right. (I learned this stuff in school 25 years ago, so it's not exactly fresh). Okay, here I go:

The Toronto suburb (and former city) of Scarborough was so named because when two settlers by the names of David and Mary Thompson (???) approached by boat, the bluffs they saw along the lake's edge reminded them so much of the cliffs at Scarborough in their home country of England that they dubbed the region "Scarborough." And the name stuck.

Anyone know if that's close?

So, after wasting your time with Toronto lore, here's the meat of the matter (Toronto people can stop reading here):

Smutty fun by the Sea in Scarborough

Smut by the Sea on the 14th June is the second time the smutters have taken over Scarborough library. Last Summer we had a fabulous time check out the photos and blogs here http://smutbythesea.co.uk/news/scarborough-2013/ and this year we’ve got even more for you to enjoy.

Sessions from bestselling authors Victoria Blisse, KD Grace and Lucy Felthouse on different aspects of erotic writing set you up in the morning. Start with inspiration with Victoria, then KD Grace helps you write better erotica by finessing sex. The last workshop of the day gives you the tools you need to wow editors and get your stories accepted and will be led by Lucy Felthouse.

After a free lunch (oh yes, such a thing exists!) we’ll be enjoying the Reading Slam, short, sexy snippets from some of the smutty authors in attendance. You’ll get tasters of some of the best erotica and erotic romance in the country and their books will be available to purchase at the book stall too.

All day you’ll be able to browse the stalls in the side room, check out Steph’s Ann Summer’s goodies, hot books from attending authors or pick something unique up from our craft stall. Then of course you’ll want to have a go on our unique erotic tombola – the prizes are truly thrilling!


Tickets are selling fast, but there are some left. So what are you waiting for? Join us for lots of smut and laughter at Scarborough library on the 14th June from 9.30am.

Quotes from last year’s Smut by the Sea Attendees:

“In between the readings there was another key component that made SBTS such a fantastic experience, and that was the chance to chat, to share ideas, to meet people face-to-face who we had only ever talked to online before and to discover that they were just as amazing face-to-face as they are on social media.” KD Grace

“For an amateur erotica author and long-time consumer of smut, the day was a perfect mix of readings, more formal Q&A but also the chance to mingle with all the participants and ask questions. I was blown away by how friendly everyone was, and how much advice I was given.” Anna Sky

“So, lovely people, smut, PVC, fish and chips and ice cream – how good a day is that?!!” Slave Nano

Obligatory Family Day Post (or "Watching Downton Abbey With My Mother")

Today is a holiday in Ontario.  It's "Family Day." Usually I blog about that as a concept, but after spending yesterday with my mom and a couple of my siblings, I'm just going to post this conversation that happened during Downton Abbey (it was LAST week's episode, which I'd missed):

Mom: I've never seen this show before.

Me: It's a soap opera.

Mom: Who is that?

Me: Anna. She's a maid.

Mom: Oooh... what happened?

Me: She was raped.

Mom: By him?

Me: No. That's the Earl. He owns the house.

Mom: Is that girl a maid too?

Me: (laughing) No, that's Lady Mary.  She's one of the Earl's daughters. She sort of runs the house. Kind of.

Mom: Is that the Head Servant?

Me: The butler, yes.

Mom: Is that the girl who was attacked?

Me: No, that's Lady Edith. Her fiancee is missing.

Mom: I wonder how they get their hair like that.  Do you think they... (Sorry, guys, my mom talked about hair over an entire scene and I don't remember a word she said, until:) ...and then they'd put pins in it, like bobby pins, to keep the curls in place.

Me: Okay.

Mom: Oh... HER!

Me: Maggie Smith.

Mom: She's in this?

Me: Yes.

Mom: Is that the girl who was attacked?

Me: No, that's Lady Edith again.

Mom: Do they always talk about pigs this much?

Me: Yes, Downton Abbey is 50% pigs.

(my sister walks into the room)

Sister: This episode was on last week.

Me: I know. I missed it.

Mom: I've never seen this show before.

Sister: What? We watched it together last week.

Mom: Hmmm... I thought I'd never seen it before.

Sister: We watched this EXACT episode last week!

Mom: I must have fallen asleep.

Sister: No, you didn't. You asked me questions through the entire thing.

Mom: Do you know how they get their hair like that?

Sister: THAT'S WHAT YOU ASKED ME LAST WEEK!

(aaaaand scene)

Happy Family Day.
Giselle

A Ka-thud of a Different Kind

Look what Alison Tyler sent me:

Gifts from Alison Tyler + part of a cat

At Christmas, I won a little contest at her blog, http://alisontyler.blogspot.ca/, and the prize was gifts! Those gifts. The ones in the picture.  There's another headwarmer, too, but I was wearing it when I took the picture and NOPE I was not willing to take it off. 

And the gifts were all wrapped individually in Christmas paper! That's probably one reason my cats couldn't keep their paws off my goodies--they love paper. 

That Scotch tape is ready for its close-up:

Coolest. Tape. Ever.

Thanks Alison!
Giselle

Let's Invent an Author!

Have you ever wanted to play Dr. Frankenstein?  Well, play with me!

You may recall that I've been trying to decide whether or not to release some of my more controversial titles (including my upcoming 1970s sexy step-daughter novella "Dance for Daddy, Salome") under a pen name.  It was my girlfriend's idea to break the mold, and she always seems to know what she's talking about, so I think I'll go for it.

After a brainstorming session, we chose the name Lexi Wood.

Who Would? Lexi Wood!

Now it's time to write a bio.  Being a creative type, I should be able to write my own fake author bio, but where's the fun in that?  Let's invent this person together.

Pitch me, people.  Who is Lexi Wood?

Into the Woods (and out of the woods, and home before all hell breaks loose)

Do you love Sondheim?  I do.  Into the Woods is the bestest musical ever.

Is this just random blathering?  Has Giselle lost her mind?

Yes and no. 

In case you were wondering where I've been (do you miss me when I'm gone?), I spent last week in the woods.  No electricity, no cell reception, no internet, no showers.  I was totally and utterly unavailable.  It was goooood.  Well, aside from the fact that it was fucking FREEZING in Northern(ish) Ontario and my poor little tent got soaked two nights in a row.  None of that stuff's really a big deal.  I can take it.  I love the woods.

So, when I got back from the woods I discovered that Amazon's been a bastard again.  After banning two of my last three releases (Stripping My Son's Sleeping Girlfriend and Adam and Sheree's Family Vacation), they were reluctant to allow the re-release of my beautiful trans lesbian romance Friday Night Lipstick. Because it used to be available. From a publisher that went out of business. 

If I knew how to do stuff, I'd create a gif of Nelson Muntz saying "Stop Plagiarizing Yourself" and put it right here.

But everything finally seems to be under control, and Friday Night Lipstick is now available from Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Lipstick-Transgender-Lesbian-Romance-ebook/dp/B00EH4BBGW/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1376794433&sr=1-1&keywords=friday+night+lipstick

It's a lovely little story. Makes me cry every time I read it. You should buy a copy. It's good.

In other musical-related news, also while I was in the woods, an anthology called HIS: Manlove Edition came out.  I'm mentioning it in this post because my story involves a former theatre student hooking up with his high school dance teacher.

The Evernight anthology is all about gay alpha guys and older/younger pairings and BDSM... I'll put up a more thorough post about the antho later in the week, but I see that it's selling well at evil Amazon, so you probably know all about it already: http://www.amazon.com/His-Manlove-Edition-ebook/dp/B00EK6K758/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1376797131&sr=1-1&keywords=his+manlove+edition

See?  Sondheim and camping and a new release blocked by Amazon and another release selling like crazy on Amazon and a musical theatre student/teacher relationship.  We've come full circle... into the woods and out of the woods and home before...

The best book you'll ever read! And it's FREE! (oh, this is good, guys...)

If you peruse my posts (and my comments) at Oh Get A Grip, you'll hear me lamenting the loss of a Quebecois children's series called "Sophie, l'apprentie sorcière" (written by Henriette Major, published by Editions Héritage).  I loved these middle-grade books about a funny tomboyish witch-in-training, when I was a kid, but you can't get them anymore, as far as I can tell.

Well, yesterday I was looking through a box in my closet and WOULD YOU BELIEVE I came across a "Sophie" book that I wrote in Grade 3?  And here I thought I'd never written any fanfiction!

So I'm sharing some of the earliest Giselle Renarde writing you will ever see.  Whether you like it or not.  But I'm pretty sure you're going to like it...

Stick around for Sophie va à Hollywood!

Don't worry; I'll translate.

That "Bravo!" sticker is the best review my work's ever received...

Once upon a time somewhere in Giselle's brain...

It was the first day of June. Hervé (I don't remember who he was--their teacher?) told us we had to do a play, but not just a little skit, it had to exciting.

"I know which play we should do: Pretty Woman," said Antoine.  (umm... A. not a play and B. not appropriate for nine-year-olds)

"Yes, that's a great idea. I'll be the 'Pretty Woman'," said Chantal, shaking her hair. (okay?)

"Antoine, you can be the boy who..." said Sophie.  (who... pays for sex?)

Ooh a picture!

"YES, I KNOW SOPHIE!" said Antoine. (you know Sophie? or you know, Sophie?)

"Tomorrow is Saturday. We can go see the film," said Chantal.

The next day they went to see the film. Sophie's gang rehearses the play. When they return to school, Hervé wants to see the play. (look at his big nose. haha)

"You guys are so gifted that you could go to Hollywood!" said Hervé.

They were so happy that they jumped in the air and sat on the light fixtures.

The next day was Friday. (wow, they lost a whole week) Sophie's gang took a plane to Hollywood, California. They were all excited.

"Now we can be on America's Funniest Home Video's"! ([SIC!!!]) said Antoine. (it's 1990, yo!)

Image: a movie theatre with extraordinarily long grass outside

When they get off the plane, they see their names in lights: "Chantal Rose, Sophie Cooper, and her friend Antoine in Pretty Woman." (i guess they're IN the movie now) They all go to the mall.  (can you tell I grew up in the burbs?)

"We're in Hollywood!" said Chantal.

"Sophie, we can change our name to the Pretty Woman gang," said Antoine.

"That's a great idea," said Sophie. (no, she would have punched him for questioning her authority)

"We have lots of money. We can live in Hollywood," said Chantal.

The next day they went to San Francisco to see Bob Saget. (HA!) They had... (ooh the suspense is killing me...)

$100! We're rich! Backwards dollar sign!

...a lot of fun in Hollywood. But one day they only had $100, so they went home!

(Well, that's it.  I'm sorry there's not more because I'm pretty sure I peaked in Grade 3. Oh well.  The end.)

G

Solve a Mystery and Win Canadian Money

Because that's what everybody wants, eh?  Canadian cash.

I'm still sorting out two weeks worth of emails (I know I said that last night, but... yeah, it's taking a while) and I found an email from Kobo saying they're hosting a mystery contest that could win you 5,000 loonies. That's 2,500 toonies.  That's 1,000 little blue bills with kids playing hockey on the back. In other words, $5,000.  Canadian.

That's not to say this is a Canada-only contest.  It's open to Canada, US, and UK.  Sorry, rest of the world.  You miss out on a little piece of the Great White North.

Here are the details:

April 25, 2013

Kicking off today, Readers have the opportunity to channel their inner Robert Langdon to solve puzzles by gathering clues found in three original short stories authored by J.F. Penn, available free of charge at the Kobo bookstore. A new short story will be released weekly over three week. There's more than meets the eye for players who accept `The Descent' challenge, as they are taken beyond the books to collect additional clues online that will be needed to decode the mystery. The first player to successfully solve the mystery will win a single $5,000 CAD cash prize and a Kobo Glo eReader signed by Dan Brown.

The first short story, Sins of Temptation is available now.

When the mutilated corpse of a wealthy author is found within the grounds of a stately home, the police officer sent to investigate finds a curious diary amongst the occult objects that dominate the scene. Will he uncover the author¿s secret at the ruined chapel that lies across the wasteland, and does he really want to pay the price of such knowledge? 
 
Throughout the contest, additional clues and guidance will be given to players through Kobo's social media channels which will help them solve the puzzle.

`The Descent' contest is open to residents of the United States, Canada (excluding Québec) and the United Kingdom, and runs from April 25 to May 14, 2013. No purchase necessary.

For more information and full contest terms & conditions, please visit the contest landing page: kobo.com/thedescent

This Might be the Best Idea I've Ever Had...

I needed a place to hang my puff...

And discovered the Red Rider strap-on dildo suctions firmly to my shower tile...

Win-Win!

Homes Away from Donuts

I'm special-guesting at two different sites today.

Did somebody say threesome?

Well, I'm not exactly a "special" guest at Flirty Author Bitches.  I'm actually a regular contributor to that blog (every 4th Tuesday, yo!).  Also, my post there today is totally ripped off from Donuts & Desires, but, hey, maybe you haven't read it: http://flirtyauthorbitches.com/2013/02/im-not-going-to-ask-who-wore-it-best/

The second guest appearance is the one I'm REALLY excited about.  It's an interview that features the sexy-assest Snape fan art I've ever seen. Visit for the sexy Snape, stay for the stuff about me: http://sexyreads.co.uk/interviews/what-is-sexy-to-giselle-renarde

That's all for now.
Happy Tuesday!
Giselle

Boob Cupcakes

I thought I was pretty clever when I made these boob cupcakes for my sweetheart. No special occasion.  I just baked to say, "I love you."  They sure put a smile on her face. #totallyworthit

Is it cold in here?

Coffee, tea, or boobs?

I'm Not Going To Ask Who Wore It Best

Funny...

I'd seen the cover of Xcite's "Pleasure Me" anthology a dozen times online before my physical contributor's copy arrived in the mail.  When I opened the envelope, I took one look at it and said, "Hey, wait a minute... I've seen this before."

So I went to my bookshelf and pulled out a copy of my novel "Anonymous" and, sure enough...

Am I right?  It's the same image!  Great minds, eh?

I won't ask who wore it best because I find those features awfully critical.  I'm partial to my novel because, well, it's allll miiiine, and it's been on the market since 2011 so I'm used to seeing it.

That said, "Anonymous" is an MMF menage novel and the cover doesn't exactly shout that fact...

Mind you, my story in "Pleasure Me" features two lesbian hotel workers watching a guest fuck a canteloupe...

Hmm... I forget where I was going with this... and I just remembered there's a canteloupe in my fridge.  Now I'm all confuzzled.

I'm going to cut myself off right about now, and say that you can get "Anonymous" at a discounted price if you buy it directly from the publisher, Amber Heat.  Just sayin'... http://www.amberquill.com/store/p/724-Anonymous.aspx

"Pleasure Me" is an Xcite anthology and you can scoop up a copy from Amazon:

The Street Change Challenge, continued...

A couple months ago, I told you about this royalty cheque I received in the amount of $1.90.  (Since then, I've done even better--I got a royalty statement for 10 pence!)  When I got that $1.90 cheque in the mail, I thought, "My God, I could probably pick up more change off the sidewalk!"

Street Change at 2 months (and Hello Kitty)

So that's been my challenge, ever since: pick up every penny I see and find out if I can "earn" more than $1.90 in 3 months. 

I promised you an update, so here's the deal after 2 months.

According to Hello Kitty, the 2 month total is $1.37.

Gettin' there!

As you can maybe see in the picture, 10 cents of that $1.37 consists of Canadian Tire Money, which I probably need to explain for my non-Canadian readers. 

See, Canadian Tire is Canada's oldest (I think?) big box type hardware store. They have a loyalty program called "Canadian Tire Money" where you get a certain percentage "money" back on purchases, except that "money" is only redeemable in-store.  Okay, not true currency, but if I get to count the American quarter I found, I'm going to count the Canadian Tire Money too.

So that's today's lesson in Canadiana.

I should mention that I also found nearly $20 worth of subway tokens in a station, but without even thinking I picked them up and handed them to the ticket collector.  All that was going through my mind when I found this little token pouch was, "The person who dropped this is going to be kicking themselves when they realize they lost it, especially if they're on a budget.  I hope they get it back!"  And I very much hope they do.

Oy, the compassion!

Anyhoo, the clock's a-ticking.  Once we hit the 3-month mark, I'll let you know if we've reached our target of $1.90.  Fingers crossed!  If I can't make more money picking up change off the sidewalk than writing fiction... well, I might just have to keep working as an author to earn my living.

Damn!

(kidding)

I'll keep you posted,
Giselle

Calls for Submission: To Do by February 1st (and a bonus video!)

It's going to be a busy week and a half.  Throughout January, my writing pace has been painfully slow, but I've got multiple short stories on my Calls for Submissions To Do list.  If you happen to be my Bizarro Jerry and you're just aching to write, here's what's on my plate:

Mitzi Szereto is looking for zombie erotica for Love, Lust and Zombies. Undeadline (haha) is February 1st. Read all about it here.

Alison Tyler wants 2000-4K bondage stories, deadline February 1st. Details are on Alison's blog.

I already submitted my story to Smut for Chocaholics, but it looks like the deadline has been extended to February 1st? (I had it down as January 12th).  Also, the url I had for it doesn't work anymore, but this one does: http://sexyreads.co.uk/smut-for-chocoholics  Anyway, they're looking for 4-6k chocolate-themed erotica.  Read more here.

And while we're talking Smutters, Lucy Felthouse and Victoria Blisse have a call out for Smut by the Sea Volume 2.  Also due February 1st, also 4-6k erotica.  Details here.

Tenille Brown's Can't Get Enough anthology has a mid-February deadline, but I honestly couldn't wait to write a story for her.  I started the day I saw the call.  Find out more here.

Beyond the erotic realm, there are three February 28th deadlines I'd like to draw your attention to over at Chicken Soup for the Soul.  I can't say I'll be sending in anything for Devotional Stories for Wives, largely because I'm no one's wife (but, oh, I love my life... and all that jazz) and also because my official religion is "no religious affiliation," but I encourage other queer women to go for it.  The Chicken Soup people surprised me in the past by publishing a story of mine strongly rooted in queer and genderqueer themes, so I always encourage LGBTQ writers to throw their work into the ring.  If you, like me, are neither wife nor Christian, then you might be more interested in submitting to their collections Lemons to Lemonade or Holiday Stories. For these and other possible books, do click here.

And now, the video you've all been waiting for... the woman who would be my wife if she only took the time to get to know me, and all that jazz... Bebe Neuwirth:


*crush*crush*crush*
Hugs,
Giselle

Crafty Erotic Artists, Act Fast!

The deadline is fast approaching to submit your vendor application for the Erotic Arts and Crafts Fair February 9th, 2013 right here in Toronto.  If you're an erotic crafter/artist, get your form in TODAY!  Read more here: http://www.eroticartsandcrafts.com/for-artists/

If you're more of an admirer of erotic arts and crafts, well you don't have to stay up all night filling in forms.  All you have to do is put "Gladstone Hotel" on your calendar.  Go there between noon and 8pm on February 9th to shop for cool stuff like:

A quick bite

Nipple-warmers

Vintage porn

...and so much more!

The Toronto Erotic Arts and Crafts Fair is a one-of-a-kind sexy fair that brings together artists and crafters just in time for Valentine's Day!  Knitters, crafters, zinesters, card makers, and artists of all types create inspired and inspiring erotic objects for this one day celebration of DIY sex and romantic culture.

Learn more at http://www.eroticartsandcrafts.com/

Cheers,
Giselle

Gag Me With A Spoon

It's official: nothing is sacred.  Look at this ad in my program from the Canadian Opera Company's production of Die Fledermaus:

That's right!  You big-time lovers of the bestest cultural phenomenon that ever did exist ever-ever-EVER can now get Fifty Shades of Grey THE ALBUM (at Indigo, apparently).  Gosh, sorry for all the caps but I haven't been so darn excited to live in Toronto since I spotted that bus ad for labiaplasty on the TTC.  Oh, and in case you heard about this album, which is without a doubt super-amazing, and had the gall to forget, now you can be reminded of its existence whenever you go to the opera this fall.  And you thought you could escape low culture at the Four Seasons Centre!  Mwahahaha... the bat's revenge!

I think I'll cancel my subscription now.  Or maybe after I hurl.  We'll see.

*gags*
Giselle

Elton John Glasses: Just For Fun

Remember lying in bed at night and listening to Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me back when you were too young to wonder if the title had a double meaning?  Remember the sweet snap-crackle-pop of vinyl as you closed your eyes and imagined dancing at your wedding with your new husband Elton John?  In matching silk gowns with white feathers boas?

What?  You didn't have that fantasy?  Huh.  Uhh... yeah, me neither.

Anyhoo, here are some awesome Elton glasses.  Just for fun.

Hugs,
Giselle
(I tell you all my secrets, darlings. Don't go breaking my heart.)