Monday, December 30, 2013

That Little Perv Is At It Again: My Sexy Teacher, My First Time

Remember Lexi Wood? Sure you do. She's the sock puppet who's got her own section on my blog. She drives me nuts, but I just can't say no.

I thought she'd given up on smut after her first novella (Dance for Daddy, Salome) was banned by Amazon.  It might be back now (as something like Dance for ME, Salome, since you can't say "Daddy" at Amazon) but what the hell do I know?  That's Lexi's problem.

Anyway, she's got another ebook on the market now. It's a barely-legal first-time student/teacher piece of crap called My Sexy Teacher, My First Time.  I don't even know why I'm telling you about it.  I do way too much for this chick.

But just in case erotica set in a 1970s high school appeals to you, here's the blurb and whatever:

Lots of girls have crushes on sexy high school teachers.  When eighteen-year-old April Andrews’ biology teacher tells her they can’t be together, will she take his rejection lying down?  Or will she try even harder to make him her first? 


When the bell sounded, I was surprised to hear him say, “Miss Andrews, would you stay a moment after class, please?”

Some of the girls made an “Ooooh” sound as they walked by me, and I realized for the first time how transparent I’d been, and how I’d put Mr. Lindbeck in danger of losing his job.  If the principle thought there was anything going on between my teacher and I, Mr. Lindbeck would be fired for sure.  It didn’t matter that I’d already turned eighteen and was officially an adult—I was a student and any relationship that blossomed between us would be utterly unacceptable.

Why had it taken me so long to realize that?

I approached the long podium from which Mr. Lindbeck taught, and even before the class had cleared out I apologized for what I’d said the week before.

“Never mind,” he replied, in a way that made me think perhaps he wasn’t angry anymore.  “You missed half a week’s work, Miss Andrews.  There’s plenty of catching up to do if you don’t want your grades to slip.”

“Thank you,” I said.  I still couldn’t bear to look him in the eye.  “I’m sorry.  I mean it, sir.  I’m terribly, terribly sorry for saying… what I said.”

He chuckled as the last students filtered out of the classroom, and he closed the door after them.

And locked it.

If you actually want to buy Lexi's stupid story, it's available from Smashwords:

Sock Puppet Author Lexi Wood
LEXI WOOD is a sock puppet who came to life one night while her keeper was out picking up Chinese food.  When nobody’s around, she bashes her face against a typewriter until stories come out. And those stories are shocking.

Lexi’s exterior is 53% acrylic, 37% nylon, and 10% recycled tinsel.  On the inside, she’s full of bloodlust, wanderlust, lust-lust, bathtub gin, and pills she found on the floor.  She also got into those tranquilizers you give your cat to get it in the travel carrier.  You shouldn’t leave those things lying around.

Handmade in Vulgaria.

When she’s feeling dirty, Lexi likes to be held in soapy water and rubbed vigorously.  In her spare time, she sits on the shelf, waiting for someone to shove a fist in her hole. 

Who would? Lexi Wood!

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