Thursday, July 30, 2015

These Pretzels Are Making Me Cranky

Did I say pretzels? I meant this weather. This hot, humid, Extreme Heat Alert weather is making me cranky as hell.

I'll give you an example: I visited my mom last weekend. Pretty normal visit. Nothing out of the ordinary. No major controversies or anything. I love my family and we have a good time together, but here's one thing I'll tell you about my mother: she never shuts up.

I always forget that about her when we're not together. She's such a nice, tame, soft-spoken person that you wouldn't expect her to talk your ear off. But MY GOD. She doesn't have an off button.

And it's not like she's got anything interesting to say. I know how mean that sounds, but that's why I'm prefacing this post by saying I'm cranky. Cranky makes me notice it more, I guess.

Anyone will tell you my mom is a terrible storyteller. If she repeats someone else's hilarious anecdote, it comes out totally tedious. But what's worse is that she's always telling stories about people I don't know (ie. the complete work history of Brenda's granddaughter. "Who is Brenda?"  "Oh, I met her on the train."), or nitty-gritty work stories I don't understand (on and on about some glitch with a piece of software I've never heard of), or she'll repeat something, say, my aunt told her when I was standing right there.

That last one has bugged me since I was a child. I remember my mom retelling entire series of events in the car on the way home from a family gathering, and all my siblings going, "We know what happened! We were there!"

Or she'll get out her Blackberry and just read emails at me. Entire emails. From people I don't know. Or business correspondences. From people I don't know. One after another after another.

Shut up! Just stop! I don't care about any of this!

And I'll give her subtle hints I'm not listening. (You know when something's so boring your brain goes numb? That.) Like I'll read the paper. Or leave the room. Reading the paper doesn't work--she just keeps talking. Leaving the room doesn't work--she just follows me.

This is nothing new. Happens all the time. But this weekend I picked up my shit and said, "Nice visit. See ya later," and I just left.

It was pretty rude, but I'm not sure she even noticed. She was probably still talking when I was gone.  She's the kind of person where you can honest-to-god put down the phone for three minutes and when you come back she's still talking to you.

I shouldn't complain. I have a great mom. She's super-supportive and non-judgmental and she loves my girlfriend and that's great. But, my god, I almost gave her one of these this weekend:

Like I said: the weather's making me cranky. And if it's making you cranky too, you're probably thinking, "Stop complaining and appreciate your mother!"

Good advice. I will definitely do that... from a distance. Thanks for putting things in perspective.

Stay cool, my friend.

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