Before you say "Hell no!" and run away, let me explain. As a writer of erotic fiction, I'm constantly making word choices. That's true of any writer, of course, but we in the erotica field are often making word choices to elicit certain reactions--we want to turn people on, or, at very least, NOT turn them off.
There are so many words to choose from when we're describing body parts or physical acts, and I'm sure we all have our go-to words. I tend to go with "cock" for penis, often "pussy" but these days also "slit" for vagina, "tits" for breasts, and "asshole" for...asshole. ;-)
These are the standards, commonly employed in our field. They add to the mood and dynamic we've created between characters without being so weird or shocking they jolt the reader out of the moment.
But, if you're like me, there are euphemisms you love but never use. For me, I happen to get a kick out of the word "schlong." I think that word is hilarious! Have I ever used it in my work? No. Why? It's too funny. If I were writing a comedy piece, I might find a place for it, but otherwise it's probably going to raise more eyebrows than libidos. Look what happens to this excerpt from my menage story THE BIRTHDAY GIFT when I replace "cock" with "schlong:"
As Meredith drew her lids open, her heart nearly stopped. On a built-in bench at the opposite end of the isolated deck sat Richard and Ash. No clothes. Two men—two strangers—naked in Joyce’s backyard? A flutter of nervous excitement turned Meredith’s body into a battlefield. Leave! No, stay. Watch! No, go.Makes me titter more than anything else. I've got another one, too. I happen to really enjoy the word "snatch," but, again, it comes across a little men's mag for a lot of erotic encounters. Thinking back, I'm not sure if I've used "snatch" in my work. It's a distinct possibility, but there are occasions where it just doesn't work. Here's a snatchified excerpt from my pansexual (m/f, f/f, f/f/m) novella ONDINE, which comes out on March 29th, 2010:
But how could she leave when, just a stone’s throw across the deck, Richard’s hard SCHLONG surged toward the well-defined muscles of his tight stomach? A tingling sensation culminated at the summit of Meredith’s lower lips when Ash reached over to stroke Richard’s rigid SCHLONG. Was this an unwelcome act? Apparently not! Richard’s magnificent hairless chest glimmered with sweat as he swept a hand across Ash’s brawny thigh. Close your mouth, young lady! You’ll catch flies.
Again, not quite the effect I was going for.
Welcoming Yvette’s touch, she hiked up the skirts of her gown with desperate determination. Moth to flame, Yvette’s hand cupped her SNATCH over her new silk panties. Cupped and squeezed. Beneath her bridal lingerie, sweet juices flowed. Surrendering herself completely to the woman in black, Ondine laid limp beneath the torrent of kisses. Whatever Yvette wished for, Ondine desired.
Forcing her satin-gloved hand beneath Ondine’s panties, Yvette plunged impassioned fingers into her silken SNATCH. The nectar flowed faster as she rubbed those tender lips. Yvette broke away to watch in the mirror, mesmerized as she massaged the bride’s SNATCH, but Ondine had waited far too long for that kiss. She wouldn’t let it slip away so easily. Grasping Yvette’s head in her hands, she brought the girl’s lips to hers and kissed them in a frenzy. There wasn’t much time. She had to get married soon.
Oh, I just thought of another one--motherfucker. I LOVE that word. I USE that word. My editors, on the other hand, don't love it quite so much and tend to gently sweep it under the rug. I almost never get away with that baby. "It's too porny." Well, strap me on and ride me like a pony, because I guess I've got a porny side too! LOL
So, again I'll ask: are you like me? Do you have any of these funny or crass euphemisms you'd like to use but self-censor?
Canada just got hotter!