Thursday, July 16, 2009

I'm the Nut

The other day, a girl I work with mentioned that she likes her boys a little girly.

“Why don’t you just date girls, then?” I asked her, very nearly following it up with the assurance that I wasn’t coming on to her. Statements like that coming from an out lesbian always seem to put straight girls on DANGER ALERT.

“Nah,” she replied. “There’s a balance to a girly guy. Plus, girls can be a little nutty.”

That’s the point I’ve been pondering ever since our conversation:

GIRLS CAN BE A LITTLE NUTTY.I write a lot of lesbian romance and erotica, and more and more I’m finding myself writing these characters who are—how else can I phrase it?—a little nutty. Clarification: both partners are not nutty. If there’s a nutty girl in my story, there’s a sensible, level-headed girl to complement her.

Yes, I draw a lot on my own life and experience when I’m writing. Does that mean my girlfriend’s a little nuts? No, no…no, she’s pretty mature and relationship-savvy.

I’m the nutty one.

So, in honour of all us nuts, here’s a list—a little sampling if you will—of various neuroses that can challenge a relationship:

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Syndrome?
Radical Feminist hypersensitivity?
“She’s bound to break up with me when she realizes what an ass-face I really am”-related anxiety?
Trust issues?
Abandonment issues?
Other issues as yet unidentified but nonetheless detrimental to interpersonal interactions?
Mood swings linked to chocolate and/or caffeine overdose and/or withdrawal?
Undiagnosed Tourette’s provoked by minor inconveniences?
Various garden-variety neuroses?
Not quite, but I’m working on it.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not claiming that all girls are nuts. I’m just saying that I am. And it’s true: sometimes I wonder why the hell anyone would ever want to put up with me.

My girlfriend shrugs off my nuttiness, claiming that “we all have our issues,” but aside from transgender concerns, she doesn’t wear hers like I do. My Sweet’s pretty level-headed. Lucky her…and lucky me. It’s a major comfort, to find that complementary someone.

Giselle Renarde
Canada just got hotter!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Summer in the City

I keep seeing these calls for submissions for anthologies centered around specific world-class cities: London, Paris, San Fran...but never Toronto!

I guess Canadian cities, particularly this one that tends to be maligned as a ruthless business centre by other Canadians (there's a documentary called "I Hate Toronto") and off the radar beyond this country, aren't perceived as having much sex appeal.

Well, if you happen to live in Toronto or you're visiting at the moment, a few of my favourite events are on this weekend, July 10-12 2009.

The Toronto Fringe Festival has been fringing away since the start of the month. Fringe is a festival of theatre for children, adults, ADULTS, and dance enthusiasts. The plays selected for Fringe are selected by lottery (not merit) so keep in mind that they could very well suck. But that's the whole fun of Fringe: Pay for your economy-friendly $10 ticket (only $5 for children at the FringeKids! shows) and see if you can pick a winner.

I've seen some hilarious musicals at the Toronto Fringe Festival, as well as some pretty excruciating modern dance. It's hit-and-miss. I tend to stay away from the one-person shows. A bad 60-minute monologue is about as excruciating as theatre gets, if you ask me. Also keep in mind that there's a lot of ADULT ADULT content in many of the shows, though if you're reading my blog, adult material probably isn't something you find objectionable. :-) for details.

What else does Toronto have on tap this weekend? Why, it's the Toronto Outdoor Art Exhibition, which kicks off tomorrow, Friday July 10th 2009, and runs until Sunday. As you might have gathered, this exhibition Nathan Phillips Square, in fact.

The great thing about this exhibition, aside from the sheer volume and variety of art (from pottery to mixed media to bizarre etchings) is that you can buy pieces directly from the artists. Isn't that better than a gallery employee telling you what little he or she knows about the piece, then taking a commission for the sale? I think so.

And yes, the Toronto Outdoor Art Exhibition will still be going on despite its location on municipal property and the fact that there's a city worker strike. Toronto's got no garbage pickup at the moment, but we do have art! for details.

See you in the sun!
Giselle Renarde

Monday, July 6, 2009

I'm an Oyster...Big Surprise, Right?

Samantha from Oysters & Chocolate (my go-to site for erotica) sent me this fun little quiz to reveal what kind of girl (or guy) you are. Here are my results:

What's Your Flavor? For Her

My Result: Oysters
View user's Quiz School Profile

You're an Oysters girl - you love to share your bed with a seductive woman. The soft touch of a woman's lips, her sweet scents, expert fingers and the press of her nipples against yours drives you insane with passion and desire. Big-tittied butch dykes, lipstick lesbians, strap-ons, drag kings, belly-button rings and lap dances are a few of your turn ons.

Suggested erotic story: "Dress Up" by J. Sinclaire
Quiz SchoolTake this quiz & get your result

If you're a "her" you can take the quiz yourself right here:

Or, if you're a "him" give this one a shot:

Hugs and Licks!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

I Fell in Love with a Lube (and onto the warpath with another)

No more drugstore brands for me. No, no, no. I've got my hands on a real lube, and I'm never going to let it go...
A water-based sensual lubricant
Maximus. Oh, Maximus water-based sensual lubricant, I look forward to all the encounters for which you ease the way, you non-greasy darling. You last even longer than I do, with no need to reapply. You're tough enough to handle anal encounters, but without being sticky and overbearing. Maximus, you are the love of my sex life.

I'm being a little silly, but I'd heard nothing but good things about this master lube, and now I know why. Although, I must admit, my runner-up favourite is an exclusively drugstore brand, and one you probably wouldn't think to buy.

Vagisil brand makes an "intimate moisturizer" (I kind of LOVE that euphemism) which claims to feel "like your body's own natural moisture" and you know what? It does! I'm really impressed with this lube. I've been a repeat-buyer of the product for probably ten years and will continue to buy it because it's a great vaginal lubricant. The reason I made the purchase of a (pretty gigantic) bottle of Maximus is that Vagisil really can't handle the anal aspect, and everybody who's into anal play NEEDS a good heavy-duty lube around the bedroom (or wherever).

The other thing I got in the mail recently was a free sample of KY INTENSE AROUSAL GEL FOR HER, which was a pretty great thing to get for free even though I've never found arousal gels to have any effect whatesoever.
The main thing that captured my attention, though, was the packaging. You probably can't make out the "directions" from this photo, but it reads:

DIRECTIONS: Arousal is at your fingertips--or his. During foreplay, gently massage a drop of gel onto your clitoris. Reapply as desired. Can be used with K-Y (R) Brand personal lubricants. Use externally.

Can you guess what caught my eye? I'll give you a hint: "OR HIS"...not "or hers" or "or theirs" or "or your parter's" or "or your partners'"...just another nod to heterocentricity. It makes me wonder, you know? Lesbians have TWO CLITS...or more if they're polyamorous! By putting that one word, "his," on the packaging, K-Y drops any possibility of marketing to lesbians. Oh, and bi women? You can use this with a guy, but not with another girl. 'K?


I know, I know, I over-analyse EVERYTHING, but words are important. Words tell us where we are welcome and where we are condemned, what is applicable to us and what is not. What is a manufacturer saying to a COMMUNITY when they put something like that on their packaging? It says to me, "This product is not for you, dyke!" If it's an oversight, why aren't you looking at my segment of the population?

It's time to break out the rainbow flags, K-Y. I'm on to you!

*Whew* What a rant! But, seriously, who's with me in the war on heterocentricity?

Peace and Empowerment!
Giselle Renarde
Canada just got hotter!
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