Saturday, July 27, 2019

I Watched Her Wash a Cucumber #Lesbian #OfficeSex #FoodSex #Erotica

I Watched Her Wash a Cucumber
Lesbian Erotica
by Giselle Renarde
ISBN: 9780463186954

The first time I caught Nazrene from Accounting washing a massive field cucumber in the bathroom sink, I wondered what on earth she planned to do with it. The third time I caught her, she took me up to the rooftop garden on our office building and she showed me!

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Thursday, July 25, 2019

We don't talk about these things: #Sex, #Taboo & 90210

I've been re-watching Beverly Hills 90210 on DVD.

I just finished the first season and I'll tell you this: I remember watching EVERY SINGLE ONE of those episodes when they originally aired in 1990.

Yesterday I got to the episode that has lived inside my brain since I first watched it: the one where Dylan and Brenda have sex for the first time. It's been almost 30 years since I first watched this episode and I still remember tons of lines from the show. Like how after they have sex for the first time Brenda makes the hotel bed and when Dylan tells her she doesn't have to do that she says, "What will the maid think?"

That line has stayed with me all these years. I don't know why.  I just like it.  It would make a good book title, wouldn't it?  The butler did it! What will the maid think?

Okay, something else about that episode has stayed with me too.  Something more personal.

My parents knew I loved 90210 even though, being a preteen when it first came on the air, I was a tad young to be watching it.  Maybe not by today's standards, but I don't have kids so what do I know about today's standards?

Anyway, I've mentioned before that my mother worked nights and my father was always passed out by the end of Entertainment Tonight.  That meant I got to watch 90210 (and everything else that came on after 7:30) without parental supervision. And THAT meant I didn't experience the awkwardness of having my mom glaring uncomfortably in my direction as teenagers on TV discussed the risks and rewards of having sex.

Thank goodness for that, because sex was a taboo topic in my household. Still is. Nobody ever discussed sex when I was a kid.  Nobody ever discusses it now. I'm very close with one of my sisters. We've never talked about sex.  Not once.

My mom did give me "the sex talk" (which was more awkward than informative) but here's what prompted that discussion:

When my mom announced that she was pregnant with my youngest sister, I was mad as hell.  This wasn't your typical sibling rivalry or whatever kids go through when they're afraid a new baby will usurp their Favourite Child crown. I already had other siblings. I hadn't been upset about their existence.

This one was different. I was ten years old and already I had more than enough experience raising children.

You know, I had an epiphany a couple months ago. I heard the word "neglect" and started thinking about the way definitions shift over time.  When I was a kid, I would have defined child neglect as, like, taking off for two weeks and leaving your kids to fend for themselves. I wouldn't have considered myself or my siblings neglected. There was always an adult body present in the house. Now I realize that if that adult body is not conscious, it doesn't count. If one parent is out of the house and the other is perpetually drunk and you've got a 7-year-old running the show, yeah, sadly, that's neglect.

Ouch.  I hope my mom never reads this.  It would kill her.  She is such a devoted parent.  Being a mother is the most important thing in her world.  I know she did what she thought was best for us, always, but living in a domestic violence situation with an alcoholic made life really difficult for all of us.

Not only was I raising myself and my siblings, but I was babysitting a parent as well.  I remember that I always had to wake myself up during the night to go downstairs and check the kitchen. My dad had a habit of coming to late at night or early in the morning and cooking when he was barely conscious. He would put something on the stove or in the oven, then pass out again.  One of my responsibilities was to get out of bed at regular intervals to make sure there was nothing burning downstairs.

So when my mom announced that she would be having another baby, my little 10-year-old brain did its little 10-year-old version of screaming, "How dare you stick me with another kid?" I felt like she was spitting out babies for me to look after. I was so mad.

For whatever reason, my mom was convinced I was angry about her pregnancy because I didn't clearly understand where babies came from.

When I heard this theory, everything inside me did a little 10-year-old version of going: "You have got to be fucking kidding me!" Her theory seemed so juvenile and irrelevant. I had bigger fish to fry.

Of course, I didn't communicate to my mother WHY I was mad.  It would have hurt her feelings, for starters.  More than that, we didn't talk about feelings in my family.  That was a taboo even bigger than sex. I chose to sit through the awkward sex talk rather than admitting to my mom that, at 10 years old, I was already too worn out to take care of another kid.

A few days after that highly memorable Brenda-and-Dylan-have-sex episode of Beverly Hills 90210 first aired, my mom confronted me on the topic. She told me I wasn't allowed to watch the show anymore. Apparently that episode had caused an uproar. Moms across America (and Canada too, I guess) were pissed these two teen characters on a TV show discussed the possibility of having sex, had sex, were happy about their decision, and nothing bad happened.  Everybody knows that when teens have premarital sex on TV, their genitals are supposed to shrivel up and fall into a bucket of boiling lava.

Anyway, the hoopla around this episode was such that my mother heard about it and confronted me on the issue.  I remember her exact words: "I heard that Dylan and Brenda had sex!"

And you know what I said?

"No they didn't."

I lied for them.

I lied for Dylan and Brenda.  I did it to protect their reputations.  No, that's not true.  I lied because I wanted to keep watching the show.  Mind you, one of the perks of being a neglected child is that, between raising someone else's kids and making sure the house doesn't burn down, you can really watch whatever you want on TV.

Giselle Renarde is an award-winning queer Canadian writer. Nominated Toronto’s Best Author in NOW Magazine’s 2015 Readers’ Choice Awards, her fiction has appeared in well over 100 short story anthologies. Giselle's juicy novels include Anonymous, In Shadow, Cherry, Nanny State, Seven Kisses, and The Other Side of Ruth.

Monday, July 22, 2019

I Chase Straight Girls #Lesbian #Erotica

I Chase Straight Girls
Lesbian Erotica
by Giselle Renarde
ISBN: 9780463101124

Mona’s not afraid to admit that she preys on straight girls. Her latest business venture of painting homes has put her in close contact with yummy mummies like Crystelle, whose husband obviously hasn’t been paying her the attention she deserves. Mona knows she can snag any woman, and she’ll have this one before the job is done!

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Tuesday, July 16, 2019

The Finer Things A #Spicy #NewAdult #Romance Short

The Finer Things
A Spicy New Adult Romance Short

By Giselle Renarde
ISBN: 9780463515204

As soon as Melanie arrives home for summer break, she remembers why her parents' maid Sinta is her favorite person in the world. When Melanie meets Sinta's dreamy son, Jansen, he offers her a summer job at the factory where he works. She's amazed how good it feels to work hard and go home exhausted -- and making out in the parking lot during their lunch hour is just the icing on the cake! But how far will they go in a car?

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Saturday, July 13, 2019

In Pearls: #Lesbian #Spanking #Erotica

In Pearls
Lesbian Spanking Erotica
by Giselle Renarde
ISBN: 9780463483855

When Davina moves in, Greer expects the delicious diva to help out with household chores. No such luck! Davina doesn't do windows... or dishes or anything else. One day Greer's frustration comes to a head, and she realizes the only way Davina will ever contribute is if she gets to put on a show. Greer is more than happy to watch her woman vacuum, as long as it's in pearls, high heels, and vintage lingerie!

Enjoy butch/femme lesbian erotic fiction today!

Buy the ebook from Smashwords:

Friday, July 12, 2019

July Smashwords Sale Freebies

It's July, and that means it's Smashwords Sale month!

Pretty much my entire catalogue is 50% off, and a lot of my erotica shorts are available for FREE!  Collect them all! Here are some free ebooks now!
And Kimi Makes Three: Lesbian Threesome Erotica

Not Funny: Playful BDSM Erotica

Artists' Wives: Lesbian Stranger Sex Erotica

The Psychic Harem: Lesbian Group Sex Erotica

Wife Sandwich: Older Man, Younger Woman, Older Woman Threesome Erotica

Country Roads: Lesbian Erotica

There's more where those come from. For freebies and sale items, check out my catalogue at

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

#NewRelease #Audiobook! Sapphic Confessions: 24 #Kinky #Lesbian #SexStories

Sapphic Confessions
24 Kinky Lesbian Sex Stories
By: Giselle Renarde
Narrated by: Giselle Renarde

I kissed a girl...and I didn’t stop there! Twenty-four eye-opening lesbian tales so titillating you won’t be able to resist listening to the next confession. Butches, femmes, chapstick lesbians, bisexual beauties, experienced older women and curious first-timers admit to their naughty deeds in this hot new short story collection.

Bad girls get caught being naughty in church. A bi femme gets spanked by a butch stranger in her pool’s sauna room. An established couple hires a gorgeous girl for a first-time threesome. A fiery motorcycle dyke makes a scene outside a lesbian nightclub. An incorrigible house painter converts rich MILFs in their own homes. Driving lessons get dirty on a dusty country road.

All this and so much more in Sapphic Confessions: 24 Kinky Lesbian Sex Stories!

Giselle Renarde’s erotic fiction has appeared in over 100 anthologies, including prestigious collections like Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Lesbian Romance, Best Women’s Erotica, Girl Fever, and the Lambda Award-winning collection Wild Girls, Wild Nights.

Audible UK

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

First Time Spanked: #Lesbian #Spanking #Erotica

This one's based on a true story. I accidentally called my girlfriend "Mom" one time (in bed), so look at me! I have Daddy issues AND Mommy issues! Quality autobiographical fiction right here!

First Time Spanked
Lesbian Spanking Erotica
by Giselle Renarde
ISBN: 9780463120460

When Louisa’s younger girlfriend slips up and calls her by the wrong name, Louisa shows her girl just what an older woman can give by doling out their very first spanking, followed by their second spanking, their third...

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Monday, July 8, 2019

Out of Body: #Gay #BDSM #Erotica

Out of Body
Gay BDSM Erotica
by Giselle Renarde
ISBN: 9781370976133

The moment Shirley the psychic detective gets her hands on a picture of the missing young man, she knows precisely where he’s at: he’s strung up naked against the door of a dank motel room. The Master approaches, riding crop in hand. Was young Luca brought to the scene by force or was he a willing participant in his own disappearance?

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Friday, July 5, 2019

Question and Answer: #NewAdult College Consent #Erotica

Question and Answer
College Consent Erotica
by Giselle Renarde
ISBN: 9780463997024

When Hambly University introduces the "Question and Answer" policy, Student Body President Jocelyn Reddick must sell Council on the program's validity.  Remus, the School of Art representative, can’t believe she wants to impose a rule on students that would restrict their sexual activities. Can Jocelyn prove it’s a good idea with a little one-on-one tutoring?

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Thursday, July 4, 2019

Artists’ Wives: #Lesbian #StrangerSex #Erotica

Artists’ Wives
Lesbian Stranger Sex Erotica
by Giselle Renarde
ISBN: 9780463339572

Tara’s never worked as an artist’s model before. She’s got a thing for artists, which is why she’s so let down when Master Reinhardt doesn’t make a move! But when a sexy young art student takes an interest in Tara’s hirsute nudity, she’s in for a treat. These girls have only just met, but that won’t stop them!

Get it FREE from Smashwords!

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Melonhead: #Queer and #Kinky #Erotica

Another day in July, another erotica short for you to read. This one's about a queer dude fucking a cantaloupe in a hotel room while two queer girls watch!

MelonheadQueer and Kinky Erotica
by Giselle Renarde
ISBN: 9781370261390

Jai doesn’t make it through airport security too easily. His luggage gets rifled forty times per trip. That's why he never brings along his many, many sex toys. But Jai is a planner, and he knows a warm cantaloupe is heaven. His hotel room doesn't have a microwave, so a hotel worker offers to heat up his melon and bring it to his room. When she arrives, she isn't alone. Jai has two female spectators, and they aren't about to leave until he puts on a show.

Get your copy from Smashwords!

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Office Sex: Workplace #Erotica

July 1st marks the first day of the big annual Smashwords sale. Thanks to this sale, July is usually my highest-grossing month--and, boy, could I use the money this year! So I've decided to release erotica shorts throughout the month, in hopes of encouraging even more sales than usual.

It's time to stock up, and you might as well start with OFFICE SEX! When I read this story over the other day, I couldn't believe how hot it was. Perfect balance of romance and explicit sex, for a short story--if you like coworker crushes and rug burn!

Office Sex
by Giselle Renarde
ISBN: 9780463171332

When a celebrity hotspot catches fire, the entire office watches it burn from their lofty glass tower. The fire reminds Isobel that anything can happen at any time. If a trendy restaurant can burn, she could be taken down in an instant… and she's only slept with one man in her entire life! If the end came tomorrow, she'd regret not making a move on Ahmed, her coworker crush.  The fire says 'Do it now!' Will Isobel listen?

Buy it from Smashwords now!