What kind of writer are you?

I've decided I'm Alf.

ALF, the alien, eating a kitten

No, not that Alf. This one:

Alf Ventress, from Heartbeat, cuddling a kitten

I found myself watching an old episode of Heartbeat at two in the morning, and my brain started making all these strange connections.

See, I know a lot of really successful authors. I'm super-duper not ONE OF THEM. They make BIG MONEY off their books. I... do not. I know people who earn more in a month than I earn in a year. Waaay more.

But I'm happy. Yes, that's right: I have the audacity to be happy while poor. I've learned that's something you're not supposed to say around rich people, because we poverty-stricken individuals are supposed to be striving for better, better, more, more, more!

I always say if I wanted to be rich, I wouldn't be a writer. But you can't say that around writers who have gotten rich by writing because they're just like... well, I did it. What's your major malfunction?

That's just it: I don't have one. I am content with my tiny market share. I have a roof over my head. I live in a safe neighbourhood. I can afford to buy food! Life is good.

But what does any of this have to do with my pal Alf Ventress?

Alf and I are twinsies because we show up every day. We're always around. We do the job, eat a few boiled eggs, put the kettle on.

We're slow, sure, but what's the rush?

We're not driven toward other people's ideas of success, but that doesn't make him any less of a village bobby and doesn't make me any less of a small-time writer.

You don't tune in to see Alf, but he's always there and there's something comforting about that. All these young coppers from London, they have their flash in the pan and then they take off. Think of the number of young actors (and older ones) who came and went of the course of Heartbeat's history.

Alf was always there.

I'm Alf. I'm always around. I'm always publishing something. My output is consistent. I don't give up when the going gets tough because, for me, the going has always been tough. Success never embraced me. Or, if it tried, I shied away because I don't enjoy the spotlight. Of course I want people to buy my books (that's what pays the bills, after all), but is it worth screaming how great I am all over the internet all the time?

No way. That would be exhausting. Anyway, I'm nothing special. I'm just here. I've been here going on ten years, and that's not about to change any time soon.

So buy my books at your leisure. I know a lot of authors who packed it in when they weren't shiny and new anymore, but I'm not one of them. I was never shiny and new--or, when I was, nobody knew I existed.

Life will go on and I'll keep writing. Every day I'll be at my computer, writing. That's just the kind of writer I am.

What kind of writer are you?

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