Friday, May 9, 2014

Google Cum Amazon (Their loss is your gain. And by gain, I mean free book)

Your free gift for being human!
Yesterday I got an email from Google Play telling me they've removed two of my books from sale.  One is that My MILF or Yours? collection that came out in... March? I think?  The other is the second edition of my lesbian threesome paranormal erotic romance Oubliette.

These books were removed... why, exactly?

The "Notice of book removal from Google Play" said as follows:

REASON FOR REMOVAL: We do not allow sexually explicit terms or excerpts in the titles or descriptions of books.

Let's look at Oubliette, shall we?  That story is pretty tame, as far as lesbian ghost threesomes are concerned.  I was pretty sure the marketing materials were more paranormal romance than smutty porn language...

So I looked it up:

Miranda and Saba always fight on vacation. They even miss the ghost walk at their castle cum luxury resort because they're too busy arguing. When they stumble upon a mysterious woman in need of help, the couple brings Oubliette to their room. Where did this strange girl come from? And does Oubliette have the power to reunite two lovers who’ve been at each other's throats all night?

Hmm... so looks like Google's got their knickers in a twist over a little cum. A little Latin cum, at that. There are literally NO naughty words in this blurb. Cum can be a naughty word, but not this usage.  It's totally innocuous.

The email/notification goes on to say: "If you're able to replace the explicit title or description from your books' listings, you may re-enable the books for sale."

Guh? It's NOT explicit. Train your robots to read context. And sure I could rephrase my blurb so it doesn't use a totally NOT naughty word that tripped up your algorithms, but you know what? Oubliette hasn't sold a single copy at Google Play, so...

I didn't think Google would turn into Amazon so quickly, but I know a few authors whose entire accounts have been shut down because they'd published pseudoincest erotica (explicit stories about stepdaughters and the stepdaddies they love) or other FORBIDDEN TOPICS!  Even Amazon doesn't close your account for something like that.

But if there's one thing these ebook retailers all seem to have in common, it's that they're constantly changing the rules and never telling authors precisely what's going on.  I'm too tired to even complain about it anymore. Pretend I've just said "Censorship, blah blah blah, rant, gah!"

So, you know what?  I'm giving you Oubliette. Free. Sorry you can't get it from Google Play. Their loss is your gain.

Get your free copy of Oubliette from Smashwords (limited time only): Enjoy!

Oh, and to finish up that removal notice, Google tells me:
Please review your book catalog and remove any other books that violate our content policies. Failure to comply with these policies may result in suspension or removal from the program.

We appreciate your cooperation.


The Google Play Books Policy Enforcement Team 

(By the way, readers, while you're at Smashwords, anyone want to suggest why Google has removed My MILF or Yours? Honestly, your guess is as good as mine!)


  1. I am sorry, as always, about all this nonsense. But I will say that this line made me laugh: "That story is pretty tame, as far as lesbian ghost threesomes are concerned."

    The really funny part? I have also written a lesbian ghost threesome story, so I guess that's a real subgenre.

  2. All lesbian ghost threesomes all the time!!! There needs to be a retailer for that. Too bad ebook retailers are dropping like flies. Soon we'll only be able to write about war and kittens.

    What's your story called, Annabeth? Link to it. LINK TO IT NOW!!!

  3. Lol. I would totally get a book of the month (or even book of the week!) membership at the lesbian ghost threesomes ebook store.

    My story is called The Three Wives of Bluebeard (and I should add a warning because the scenes with Bluebeard are violent and not consensual). The lesbian ghost threesomes on the other hand... Very nice.